


Dreaming

by CrookedStrings



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Dreams and Nightmares, Horror, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Insomnia, Minor Character Death, Murder, Panic Attacks, Psychological Horror, School Shootings, Self-Destruction, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-04
Updated: 2018-08-08
Packaged: 2019-04-18 07:51:41
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 19
Words: 60,668
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14208573
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CrookedStrings/pseuds/CrookedStrings
Summary: Dreams plague the mind of Chenle every time he closes his eyes, yet something is not quite right. Cases of different murders and suicides ranging from things like Lizzie Borden to Andrew Cunanan haunt Chenle's dreams, with each dream being located in the same black coloured area with the same voices and figure featuring in them.*Take note of the tags as all these will be featured in this story at one point and if you are sensitive to these things I recommend you don't read this story. Minor character death relates to the deaths of suicide and murder featured throughout this story.**UPDATES EVERY WEDNESDAY AUSTRALIAN TIME!*





	1. Black Dahlia

Black. That’s all I see. It isn’t darkness necessarily, but like I am trapped in an all-black room with a light source coming from an unknown location. I can’t tell how big the room is, if it is round with no corners or like a box with 4 corners. I can’t tell which way is up and down, which way is left or right, whether I am standing up or lying down. All I know is I appear to be alone in this black, silent room. I move my head around, looking to side to side. Nothing of interest is seen. I look down at myself. I am wearing all white. White sweatpants, white socks, white sweater. The white almost glows against the black colour of the room. I wiggle my feet to see if I am upright or not. They move as if I was lying flat on my back so I am lying down. I pull myself up slowly, cautious in case I am to hit my head as I am unsure how large this portion of space I am in is. My head doesn’t seem to hit anything and I am able to sit up normally. I look around slowly, still nothing to be seen. I pull myself up so I am standing, again slowly as I am still unsure of my mobility area. I stand up with easy. It seems I am in a wide open space, almost like a field of inky blackness. Fear itches at the back of my head. I shake it away. There is no reason to be scared yet. 

I look around again, choosing to slowly start to walk straight ahead, arms out as to prevent myself from bashing into any unknown walls. The air around me feels almost cold but not quite. More of a temperature slightly below warm but still about cold. It is weird and I can’t fully explain it. My footsteps echo loudly in the area, making me believe I am in a room of some type. I pause my walking to lean down and touch the ground. The ground feels smooth like glass, yet like the air temperature, is almost cold but not quite. I stand back up and shake my head clear of confusion. I look forward once again, take a few cautious steps forward before walking forward as normal. I don’t put my arms out this time as something deep within my consciousness tells me not to. As my steps start up again, the echo that comes with each step does as well. Each echo sounding like a drum. A drum beating out an almost haunting tune. It sends shivers down my spine. I don’t understand what is happening, where I am, or why I am here, all I know that something inside me doesn’t feel right. I have a feeling deep in my gut, kind of like the feeling most people get when they are to take a test they haven’t studied for or when they are about to perform something they aren’t confident in. An almost fear or dread like feeling, but not quite. It is making me feel quite sick.

After what feels like an eternity, I feel my legs stop automatically and my body freeze. A figure stands off in the distance. The figure is barely visible as they are wearing the same shade of black as the room, yet somehow their silhouette is still vaguely visible. Without my knowledge or command my legs push me forward, slowly walking my body closer to the unknown figure. As I get closer, I can see the figure is nothing more than a corporeal shadow I could touch if wanted. It looks as though they are wearing no clothes, but rather a mannequin that is the same shade as the whole area I seem to be trapped in. The closer I get, the more the figure becomes clear. Now that I am mere meters away, the figure’s shape can be see better and I must say, this human like figure has a body type very similar to that of Jisung. As the distance between the figure and I decreases, the more it begins to look like a shadow or mannequin of Jisung’s body. Before I know it, I am inches away from the figure and my arm is reaching out to tap the shoulder of the Jisung like figure. The black figure turns around to face me, yet there is no face, just a blank head like shape staring at me. My body slowly shakes in unknown fear. 

“Black Dahlia.”

Those two English spoken words ring out in the blackened area in a monotone voice I am unable to recognise. Black Dahlia. I have heard of that in the past. It is a famous murder case that no one has ever solved. Jisung was looking at the case a few weeks back when he was looking for inspiration for the novel he wishes to write. I don’t know too much on the case, but I do know that the woman was found split in two pieces by the person who murdered her. Why did this voice say the name of a murder case?

“Black Dahlia.”

The voice says it again, but this time the figure give a small twitch as the voice calls it out again. Fear picks at every inch of my body as I grow increasingly more anxious.

“I don’t understand.”

My voice rings out through the area despite the fact my mouth never opened to speak those words. My breathing picks up as I slowly begin to hyperventilate in fear.

“Black Dahlia.”

The figure shakily raises a quivering hand to me, pointing its right index finger at me as the voice says those cursed English words again. My heart stops.

“No.”

My voice once again calls out as my mouth remains closed. The figure refers to me as Black Dahlia.

“Black Dahlia. Black Dahlia. Black Dahlia.”

The voice begins to chant the words, gradually losing its monotonous sound and becoming more frantic and distorted. The figure turns to me fully, arms reaching out to grab me but I back away.

“I am not Black Dahlia.”

This time my mouth does move with the words spoken in my voice. The figure nods its head, almost as if it is trying to say I am Black Dahlia.

“Black Dahlia. Black Dahlia. Black Dahlia.”

The chanting continues, each time those two words are spoken the voice becoming almost static like and desperate.

“No. No. No.”

My voice chants once more, my mouth remaining closed this time. I turn and run back the way I came. The figure lunges for me, chasing me as I run.

“BLACK DAHLIA! BLACK DAHLIA! BLACK DAHLIA!” 

The voice is now screaming at me in a panicked and static like sound. I open my mouth to let out a terrified scream, yet nothing comes out. 

“BLACK DAHLIA! BLACK DAHLIA! BLACK DAHLIA!”

The chanting is still heard, the same panicked, static like voice calling it out, volume gradually rising.

“BLACK DAHLIA! BLACK DAHLIA! BLACK DAHLIA!”

I keep running as fast as possible for a short period of time before I trip and fall on something. The chanting dies out and the Jisung like figure disappears. I pick myself up, rolling off my stomach and looking behind me to see what I tripped on. Horror fills me as I see what tripped me. A mutilated body, split in two from the waste with the head covered in many lacerations and the mouth being split in a Chelsea Smile due to the work of a knife. The worst part of this whole ordeal, I recognise that body through all the blood and gore as my own.

“Black Dahlia.”

I open my mouth once more, and this time, my scream is heard.


	2. Awakening

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Warnings, Mentions of the murder case Black Dahlia and vomiting*

“CHENLE-YAH! CHENLE-YAH WAKE UP! CHENLE-YAH!”

I bolt straight up, still screaming as I did in the dream. Tears of pure terror roll down my flushed cheeks and my body shakes violently in fear. I continue to scream as someone, whom of which I can’t identify at this point in time, holds me as they try to calm me. The image of my mutilated body pops back into my mind causing a sick feeling to hit me like a truck. I promptly throw up everything in my stomach down the back of whoever is holding me. While the fact I threw up is disgusting, it calms me to the point of calming my screams to loud scared sobs. 

“It is ok Lele, shush now, Hyung is here,” A voice I identify as Taeyong tells me. 

I sob louder, but this time in relief. The world slowly becomes clearer, and the situation I am in becomes clearer as well. I am now aware that I am sobbing loudly into the shoulder of Taeyong, and the contents of my stomach appears to be soaking into the back of his shirt. I also become aware of the presence of others in the room. I slowly open my tearful eyes, sobs still erupting from my shaking frame, and look around at the people in the room. Taeyong is clearly the one hugging me from what I have already established, but Johnny, Doyoung and Taeil are also in the room, looking at me. Johnny is sat next to my bedside, concern great on his face as he rubs my back gently, an action I have only now just become aware of. Doyoung is stood behind Johnny, looking down on me, a mix of concern and horror etched upon his face as he looks down at the scene he is witnessing. Taeil is stood closer to Taeyong, a look very similar to that of Doyoung on his face, only his has a slight hint of disgust at the sight and smell of my vomit on Taeyong’s shoulder. The rest of NCT Dream and NCT 127 can be seen crowded outside the door to my, Haechan’s, and Mark’s room. From the looks of it, one of my group members heard me having a nightmare, and when they failed to wake me, ran off to get one of the Hyungs. 

“Chenle-yah?” Taeyong asks me softly, “Are you aware of what is happening and where you are now?”

I feel my chest constrict in a sense of sorrow, and my breathing hitch. Everything that has happened from the start of that dream to now, comes crashing down on me, and my sobs of terror change to sobs of sorrow. Taeyong lucky recognises the difference between the two. He pulls me into his lap, which doesn’t take much considering I am basically already there, and rubs my back soothingly. 

“It is ok Lele,” He whispers gently in my ear as I wrap my skinny, shaking arms around his neck, “It is over now, it is just a dream. The dream can’t hurt you anymore.”

I go to say something, but all I manage is to sob out a broken “Black Dahlia” in my fit of confused hysteria.

“Black Dahlia?” I hear Taeil ask in confusion, “What is that?”

“Who told you that?” Johnny asks darkly, clearly understanding what I am talking about.

“What is Black Dahlia?” Doyoung asks, just as confused as Taeil.

“It is a gruesome murder case that occurred in the 40’s,” Johnny answers them before turning back to me, “Now Chenle-yah, who told you that or where did you hear about it?” 

The thought of it has the images from the dream flashing in my mind again, causing me to push away Taeyong in fear, screaming once more. 

“OK! OK!” Taeyong yells over my terrified screams, holding his hands up and backing away slightly, “NO MORE TALKING ABOUT BLACK DAHLIA!”

My mind is so out of whack, and the fear factor from the dream has my emotions all over the place, so at the words of “No more Black Dahlia” I start sobbing in anguish once more, hand coming up to hide my face. I feel my stomach churn and my body lets out an involuntary gag as more bile threatens to erupt from my body. 

“No, no more of that,” Taeyong panics, jumping forwards to hold me upright by my shoulders, “Doyoung-ah, could you grab that bin over there for me, quickly please.”

A waste-paper bin is shoved under my chin roughly, just in time for my body to expel what is left in it into the bin rather than on the bed or Taeyong again. 

“Sorry,” I choke out brokenly after I calm down after a while. 

“You don’t have anything to be sorry for Lele,” Taeyong whispers to me, moving the bin from my lap and pulling me in for a hug, “You are fine. Something just upset you and you were scared, it is okay.”

I feel my sobs slow down into soft sniffles, my hands slowly loosening their grip on Taeyong’s already ruined sleep-shirt. I look up over his shoulder, and feel a deep embarrassment sink into my body as I see all of NCT Dream and 127 looking over at the scene that is playing out before them. 

“Are you feeling a little better now?” Taeyong asks me, pulling be out to arm’s length. 

I nod slightly, looking down at my lap. I let my eyes wander around and take in my surroundings. I notice everyone has eyes on me, and that everyone is in their sleepwear which causes me to wonder what the time is. I turn my eyes to the alarm clock across from my bed on a bookshelf and gasp as I read the time. 4:43AM the bright red letters read back. It is the early hours of the morning and both units have practice early tomorrow morning. 

“Sorry, oh god, I am so sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you all. Gosh look at the time. You are all going to be so tired during practice and it is all my fault. Gosh sorry,” I rush out in one massive word spew, not noticing that I said it all in Chinese until I see the confused looks on some of the members faces. 

“You don’t need to be sorry for anything Chenle,” Sicheng responds in Chinese before he switches to Korean, “Chenle is apologising for waking everyone up.”

“Oh baby no,” Taeil fusses, pushing Doyoung and Johnny out of the way to crouch down by my bedside, “You don’t need to be sorry for this. You can’t help what you dreamed about. This is not something you should say sorry for.” 

I sniffle pitifully at those words, curling further into Taeyong’s embrace, rubbing my dripping nose on this shirt as I do so. His arms tighten around me as he slowly begins to rock me back and forth in a comforting manner. The rocking motion and warm hug calms me down greatly, almost to the point of falling back asleep. I would have fallen back asleep if it wasn’t for Johnny speaking up. 

“Chenle-ah, I know you’re tired, but do you think you could tell us what had you so stressed and freaked from the dream,” He asks, pulling me out of my sleepy state, “You mentioned Black Dahlia. Is that what you dreamt about?”

“I don’t,” I pause midsentence. 

All the scenes and happenings of the dream seem to slowly fade. The horrors of the dream fading out of my mind, not to be remembered of ever again. 

“I don’t remember,” I whisper, turning my face slightly so I can face him, “All I remember is a large, black area and that’s it.”

“You-You don’t remember?” Doyoung speaks up in utter shock, “But-But your reaction to it was-was so-so bad. You seriously remember nothing?”

I shake my head. All I remember is a large, black area and that’s it. Come to think of, I am not even sure if that is even right. 

“You mentioned Black Dahlia,” Johnny tries again, “Do you remember something like that in your dream?” 

I think hard. The words “Black Dahlia” sounds familiar, but not fully. I can’t seem to figure out if it had something to do with my dream or not. Actually, I can’t seem to figure out what “Black Dahlia” even is.

“What-What is Black Dahlia?” I whisper softly, afraid of the answer. 

“But you said it when you woke up,” Johnny explains in utter confusion, “Surely you know what it is.”

I shake my head again, this time a scared and confused whimper escapes my mouth and my hand tighten around Taeyong’s night shirt once more. 

“Ok no more talking about the dream,” Taeyong orders, pulling me even closer somehow, “Let’s just try and calm down from what just happened and go back to bed, use the last few hours of sleep we have wisely. Chenle-ah, let’s go to the bathroom and clean you up.”

Before I know it, Taeyong is pulling me away from his chest and pulling me up out of my bed.

“Can someone change Chenle’s sheets, they are covered in sweat and vomit,” Taeyong asks as he drags me to the door. 

“I’ll do it,” Doyoung agrees, turning to my bed to strip it. 

“Thank you,” Taeyong smiles, pulling me out of the door as he does so, “Come on all of you, go back to your beds. We have only 2 more hours of sleep, use it wisely and sleep so you won’t be tired for practice.”

I watch as my Hyungs and group members all walk off to their own rooms, Mark and Haechan walking back into the room we three share, each person with a different look of concern covering their face. Taeyong pulls me away from the others and down the hall towards the Dream dorm’s bathroom. Once there, he pushes both of us inside the small bathroom and closes the door. The light is flicked on and I have to shield my eyes from the sudden brightness. There was a light on in my room when I awoke, but that was a lamp light from my bedside table and is nowhere near as bright as this one. 

“Sorry,” Taeyong smiles soothingly, apologising for the light’s harshness, “Your eyes will adjust shortly, for now could you sit there for me.”

He points to the toilet and knocks the lid close so I am able to sit on it. As I walk to sit on it, I feel a great shame wash over me at the realisation of what happened. Yes I know what happened, but now that I am out of that somewhat crowded area and am able to think, I full realise what happened. From what I can gather, I was screaming in my sleep or tossing and turning, which woke either Haechan or Mark, or both, and they got one of the older Hyungs. That then led for all the Hyungs to come in worry, and at some point, wither through my own screams or the noise of the Hyungs entering the dorm, the rest of my group woke. I started screaming violently, I woke, I threw up everywhere, and I had a full on meltdown. Taeyong seems to sense my embarrassment and discomfort towards the situation, turning to smile at me with a look of sympathy as he wets a face cloth. 

“Don’t worry, no one thinks any different of you,” He tells me kindly as he turns of the tap and wrings out the cloth. 

“But someone might,” I whisper in great shame. 

“I highly doubt that Chenle-ah,” Taeyong assures me, “Everyone has had their fair share of nightmares and meltdowns.”

I squirm in embarrassment and slight confusion. At this hour of night (Morning), it is hard for me to fully understand and communicate Korean words. Thank all the almighty gods in the sky that Taeyong seems to be reading my mind every single time I have a thought this night.

“Hey, Lele, do you want me to call Sicheng for you to talk to?” Taeyong asks me, kneeling in front of me and pulling my hands gently away from my face.

I move my hands and bite my lip, nodding ever so slightly. 

“Okay then, I’ll go get him in a minute,” He smiles at me warmly, picking the wash cloth up again, “But first let’s clean you up a bit.”

Before I can react, the face cloth Taeyong was previously wetting is thrust onto my face, wiping around my face to clean up the sweat on my face and small flecks of vomit. I make a muffled noise of protest, throwing my head from side to side to escape the cloth, but am stopped by a hand on the back of my head and soft shushing from Taeyong. The cloth is soon removed from my face and thrown into the sink. I open my eyes and look to see Taeyong slowly rise from his crouching position and move back over to the sink. He cleans of the face cloth again, wringing it out once more before hanging it over the edge of the sink for later. 

“Right,” He says, turning to face me, “I am going to get you some fresh clothes and get Sicheng for you to talk to, then it is back to bed.” 

I look at Taeyong with slight confusion, as my brain is still having a hard time interpreting the words spoken. Taeyong smiles at me, patting my leg lightly before turning and leaving the room, shutting the door behind him. I sigh softly, slouching down slightly on the toilet where I am sat, chewing at my lower lip as I do so. I am trying so hard to remember my dream but I just can’t. It is all a blur, a distant memory. I don’t fully know what was in the dream and what wasn’t. I feel like one of the NCT Dream members was there, but that doesn’t seem likely. I know I was in an all-black area, but I can remember if it was a room of field. I also can’t remember if the all black was caused by the colour or lighting of the area. The words “Black Dahlia” ring a bell, but I don’t know if that is because it was in the dream or not. Johnny said I said it in my state of panic so it must have   
been, but what is it? I am so lost in my thoughts that I don’t notice Taeyong coming back with Sicheng in tow. 

“Sorry Lele, we didn’t mean to startle you,” Sicheng apologises in Chinese when he notices my light flinch when he and Taeyong enter. 

“It’s ok,” I mumble back in Chinese, glad to be able to communicate in my native language without trying to translate the Korean words I hear daily.

“I’ll leave you two to it okay,” Taeyong smiles at us, placing my fresh sleepwear on the edge of the bath, “Try and get him to bed within at least ten minutes okay Sicheng-ah.”  
“Will do Hyung,” Sicheng agrees, speaking in Korean before switching back to Chinese with ease, “We can manage that yeah Lele?”

I nod softly, feeling a slight tiredness pulling at the back of my head. Taeyong smiles at us, bidding us goodnight before leaving the room. 

“Do you want to talk about it Lele?” Sicheng asks once Taeyong is gone, “Or at least talk about what you remember of the dream?”

“Well,” I swallow thickly before continuing, “I don’t remember much, but I think I remember being in a black area, just me.”

“Black area?” Sicheng looks quite confused, “Do you mean like darkness or a room coloured black?”

“I am not sure,” I mumble truthfully, “I feel like it was like it was a room coloured black as I think I remember being able to see, but I am not sure.”

“That’s ok,” Sicheng smiles softly, “Do you remember anything else, or is that it?”

“I think I remember more,” I tell him, think hard back to the dream, “I have a feeling that one of the NCT Dream members was there, but I am not sure who. I feel like it might have been Jisung maybe, but now that I say that it doesn’t seem right. Maybe just something similar to Jisung.”

“What do you mean, something similar to Jisung?” Sicheng seems really concerned right now, which is in-turn making me feel guilty for worrying him. 

“I don’t know,” I whisper, looking at my lap, “It was like it was him, but wasn’t I guess. Like just is sort of aura. I don’t even know if it was him, it could have been someone else or no one at all.”

“Okay Lele,” Sicheng whispers, putting a hand on my knee in comfort, “Do you remember anything else or want to talk about anything else?”

I briefly wonder if I should ask him about “Black Dahlia”, but with the tiredness seeping through my bones and the chills those words send up my spine, I decide to leave it.   
“No, I just want to go to bed,” I yawn softly. 

“Ok then sleepy,” Sicheng chuckles softly, “You get changed into some fresh clothes, I’ll be just outside if you need me, then off to bed with you.” 

I smile lightly, standing up from the toilet and watch Sicheng leave the room, closing the door gently behind him. I sigh softly, stretching slightly to relieve the light cramps in my joints, before I quickly change into some fresh sleep wear, dirty ones thrown into the dirty clothes hamper. Once changed, I turn to the sink, grabbing my toothbrush and quickly giving my teeth a brief brush to remove the taste of vomit that still lingers. I rinse and spit, put my toothbrush back in its place, and open the bathroom door, turning off the bathroom light and stepping out into the hallway. Sicheng is lean on the wall to the left of the door when I exit. He smiles at me as I exit, turning to face me. 

“Ready for bed now?” He asks with a soft whisper.

I nod, letting out a giant yawn as I do so. Sicheng chuckles softly, gently putting a hand on my right shoulder as he leads me down the hall. As we turn to go towards my room I share with Haechan and Mark, we pause as a light is on in the main room. 

“Hold on I’ll see who that is,” Sicheng tells me as he leaves to check on who is in the main room.

I follow after him, interested to see who is up and also slightly guilty as I wonder if they are still awake because of me. As we enter the main room, we are both shocked to see Jisung sitting there on the couch, not asleep like he normally is, but wide awake and looking off into the distance with a guilty expression on his face. I wonder what he could possibly have to feel guilty about.

“Jisung-ah,” Sicheng calls out in Korean, startling said boy, “What are you doing awake? It is almost five in the morning. You should have been asleep right after we calmed Chenle down. Why are you still awake?”

Jisung doesn’t respond. He just looks down to the floor, picking at fluff on his sleep pants.

“Jisung-ah, answer me,” Sicheng says with a sternness to his voice I am not use to.

“It’s my fault,” Jisung mumbles softly, not looking up.

“What is your fault?” Sicheng asks, tone a lot softer.

“Chenle had that nightmare about Black Dahlia,” Jisung mumbles with a tone full of guilt, looking up at us, “I showed him Black Dahlia when I was looking for inspiration. If I didn’t show it to him he wouldn’t have had that dream.”

“Jisung-ah,” Sicheng sighs, “Come on. Time for bed, and in your bed this time, sleeping on the couch can’t be good for your back. We will talk more about this in the morning.”

Jisung looks like he wishes to argue, but an involuntary yawn that escapes from me silences him. 

“Come on Jisung-ah,” Sicheng tries again, “Chenle is tired and wants to sleep, let’s go.”

Jisung nods softly, rising from the couch and shuffling over to us. Sicheng sighs softly, clearly quite tired himself, and goes over to turn off the lamp by the couch Jisung had on. The three of us turn and leave the main room, walking back down to my shared room so I can hop back into my bed. Upon arrival, we open the door to see Haechan and Mark awake and talking softly amongst themselves. Haechan is hanging off the top bunk looking down at Mark who is sat up on the bottom bunk looking up at him. When they hear the door open, their heads whip around to us to see who entered. 

“Alright boys,” Sicheng sighs, rubbing his temples to feign exhaustion, “Back to bed. Chenle is back and calm so time to sleep again.”

Haechan and Mark jump back into bed quickly, realising how tired Sicheng is and how it is easier to just obey him. Once they are back in bed, I am guided to my bed by Sicheng, Jisung remains standing at the door awkwardly, and tucked into the clean sheets. 

“Try and get back to sleep ok Lele,” Sicheng whispers to me in Chinese, ruffling my hair affectionately. 

I know Sicheng isn’t big on skin-ship and doesn’t enjoy being hugged or touched too much, so this hair ruffle is his way of showing affection. I smile sleepily at him in response, rolling over slightly to get comfortable in my fresh sheets. He smiles back at me, turning to leave the room, ushering Jisung out of the doorway as he goes. 

“Goodnight boys,” Sicheng calls out to us as the goes to close the door. 

“Goodnight Hyung,” We echo, and with that the door is closed and Sicheng’s and Jisung’s footsteps fade away. 

I roll over again in my bed, fidgeting slightly to find comfort, before I still. I can’t help but feel slightly uncomfortable and scared by my dream, which I still can’t remember, and by what Jisung said. He holds himself accountable for my dream because I mentioned “Black Dahlia” in my fit of hysteria. It is crazy. With that filtering around my mind, I fall back into a light sleep which will only last another two hours before I am required to wake. I wonder if I ever will remember that dream.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So some people seem to enjoy the concept for this story and I thank everyone who has commented, left a kudos, or even just viewed this story. I will probably update this every Wednesday (Tuesday for people who don't live where I do), but if I don't, I will at least try and update once a week, maybe a few days after Wednesday (Tuesday). This will be my main story on this site for now, but other stories will be uploaded, but they will all be only around one to four chapters long and will relate to something I am dealing with currently. I actually have one out now about BigBang which I wrote when some shit happened in my life. Feel free to check it out, but be warned as it has a heavy trigger warning. I have another short NCT story on my mind right now which I might upload soon, but for now enjoy this chapter.


	3. Rememberance

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Warnings, mentions of vomiting, "Black Dahlia", and light swearing.*

I have been awake for over two hours and I already wish is was dead. Not really, but I am so tired that death seems pretty nice right now. I am sitting in the back of one of the vans that is required to take us to the studio for practice, and sitting in between Jaemin and Jisung, the exhaustion I feel can only be described as hell. Jaemin and Jisung seem quite exhausted themselves and I feel like that is all on me. If my dumb ass didn’t decide to get so freaked by a silly little dream, one which I can’t remember by the way, we would have been wide awake and ready to seize the day. Nope. Because of my little episode last night, we are all overly tired, with even Jeno and Renjun drinking coffee to see if that would help. It didn’t by the way, it just left Jeno with terrible coffee breath and Renjun complaining about the taste. None of this would have had to happen if my stupid brain didn’t cause me to wake up screaming. I really just now want to know what that dream was about so I can just remember it and get over it. 

“What’s got you kids so quiet and lethargic today?” Our manger, Min Beomseok, asks as he drives us to practice. 

“Nothing of importance,” I hear Jeno mumble as he leans against the van’s window. 

“It must be something,” Beomseok tries, looking at us through the rear-view mirror, “The boys of NCT 127 are also in a similar boat to you guys. Kwan told me so. Now come on, what is up with you all? Did you all stay up late watching shows or something?”

“We just had a rough night,” Jaemin cuts in, eyes still glued to his IPod. 

“How so,” Beomseok asks, keen for an answer. 

“Just did,” Jaemin responds, clearly trying to avoid the reason as to why.

“All of you can’t just have a rough night for no reason,” Beomseok reasons, “Now tell me what is wrong. If it is stress related we need to know. You are all just kids, so we need to know if something is wrong as we can’t let you work yourself into a stress caused pain. You are still young and too much stress causes mental health issues in young kids. We all know what happened when someone of SM didn’t speak up about their problems. Now fess up and tell me.”

No one spoke. The mention of the death that occurred recently in the SM family shook everyone. Ever since that, all idols and trainees must speak up if something in their life is bothering to avoid things like that happening again. Hell, my group is one out of many that gets group counselling sessions now once a month to try and help us. Despite this however, no one speaks up to tell Beomseok what is wrong. He seemed mad that we won’t say, but I can tell the others are just trying to protect my embarrassment. I am thankful for it, but I don’t want to cause them anymore trouble. 

“I had a nightmare,” I whisper after a minute of silence, “I woke up screaming and so everyone got scared. Sorry.” 

Beomseok sighs heavily. 

“Is that all?” He asks heavily, “God kids I was scared something serious was happening. You ok now Chenle-ah?”

“Yeah, the Hyungs helped,” I mumble back, embarrassed to admit it. 

“Do you know the cause of the nightmare?” Beomseok asks, eyebrows raised in interest as he listens in. 

I see Jisung shuffle awkwardly next to me, guilt painting his face. 

“Well I don’t remember it to well,” I answer honestly, “But I mentioned something that is scary so I guess it is caused from a horror story or something.” 

“You kids and your horror,” Beomseok laughs lightly, shaking his head in amusement, “You really need to lay off it if it is going to cause dreams that effect your sleep.”

“Yeah,” I laugh awkwardly, looking away from the front of the car and down to my lap. 

The rest of the trip is silent. I can feel the awkward tension filling the car, making me shuffle uncomfortably. I hate it when things are quiet. Living with six other teenage boys, there is never a dull moment. Normally in car trips like this, we are playing I-Spy, singing songs, and sometimes just plan screaming to see who gets yelled at first by the Managers. Now the car is just silent, and it is all because of me and that stupid dream I can’t even remember. Why can’t I remember this stupid dream? I know it had something to do with “Black Dahlia” since I said those words when I woke, so it has to have something to do with it, but I just can’t figure out what. To be honest, I barely even remember what “Black Dahlia” even is. I am tempted to google it just to figure out what my dream was about, but truth be told, I am scared to know. If something can scare me to the point of waking up in tears and throwing up in hysteria, I don’t want to know what it is. 

“Alright kids, we’re here,” Beomseok calls, shaking me from my thoughts. 

We all slowly unbuckle ourselves from out seats, one by one climbing slowly from the van and making our way inside the building. All five of us have vocal training first up for Dream. Mark and Haechan will join us later, so instead of getting the full one and a half hours of vocal training with use, they get forty-five minutes with NCT 127 and forty-five minutes with NCT Dream. The same will happen when we have dance practice later today, the only difference is dance goes for two hours and they spend the two hours with us then spend another two hours with NCT 127 and we get to leave after our two hours. Damn I feel bad for both of them. They have to practice dance for four hours while the rest of us only practice for two. To make it worse, they are going to be running on very little sleep as I know both of them didn’t go to sleep after I woke up screaming. They were too worried and stayed awake to make sure I was okay. I wish I could repay them for that somehow. Maybe not waking up screaming will be enough for them. The five of us, Renjun, Jeno, Jaemin, Jisung, and myself, all walk into the vocal room where we get our training sessions. Our vocal coach Park Eunsu is already there waiting. 

“Hello boys,” She greets warmly as we enter, “You ready to start?” 

“Yes,” We all call out in agreement, moving to an area in the room to start with warm ups. 

“Today we are going to start with breathing techniques, so I want everyone to breath in for ten, out for fifteen,” Eunsu informs us, demonstrating what we are to do as she does it.

We all copy her with easy, all having done this simple breath technique since trainee days or even before trainee days. We move from the simple breathing technique to lip rolls, warming up every part of our vocal ability. We hum, stretch out our necks, and perform simple scales. Once sure we are warmed up, Eunsu instructs us to move onto singing parts of our own songs, stopping us to give us tips on different parts. We do all this with great force, pushing ourselves to stay awake. 

“You boys seem very off today,” Eunsu announces, cutting of Renjun after he yawns for the third time during his part in We Young.

“Sorry Eunsu-Noona,” Renjun apologises formally, “We didn’t sleep very well last night.”

“I am sorry to hear that,” Eunsu tells us sincerely, “May I ask why?”

“I woke up screaming and scared the others,” I inform her softly, cutting of Renjun who was about to speak. 

“Oh dear Chenle-ah,” She gasps softly, turning to face me, “Are you ok?”

“Yeah, just got scared over something silly,” I try and laugh it off, but we all know whatever scared me was not “Something Silly”. 

Eunsu smiles at us warmly, informing us to try and get some sleep tonight before continuing on with the session. We only practice as just the five of us for another ten minutes max before Haechan and Mark show up. 

“Ah hello boys,” Eunsu smiles as the two walk in, “We can now start more of the group work since you are all here. I assume your vocal chords are warmed up enough?”

The two of them confirm they are before we continue. We are all instructed to start singing acapella for the chorus of Go to work on our group vocal dynamics. 

“We’re so young, we’re so freaky,” We sing in unison, harmonising our vocals together with perfection, “We are stuck in the box and we lose the real thing.”

As we sing, I can’t help but get distracted. My eyes drift over to Jisung and can’t help but feel that something about him seems off. Something about him seems like it is linked to my dream, but I just can’t figure out what it is. The way he is standing, straight back, looking away from me, it reminds me of-. 

“Chenle-ah.” 

Eunsu’s voice cuts me short of my thoughts. 

“Uh, yes Eunsu-Noona?” I ask, shaking my head clear of the thoughts. 

“Could you please focus, you just missed fair few lines.”

I flush in embarrassment. 

“Ah yes, of course Eunsu-Noona, sorry,” I apologise, bowing as I do so. 

“Ok,” She nods at me, “Let’s go from the line ‘And we lose the real thing’ again. One, two, three.”

We start to sing again, this time I keep my mind on the singing. 

“Rebellion burns them out. We are passionate and completely crazy.”

As Jeno and Haechan sing their little bit, I notice that both Jisung and Jaemin have gained a bit of energy back, dancing slightly as we sing, smiling to each other as they do so. As I look around, I realise most of the group has. Jisung and Jaemin are dancing as we sing, Renjun is smiling at them, trying to hold in his laughter, Mark is jumping up and down where he stands, also trying not to laugh, and Jeno and Haechan are passionately singing, with Haechan acting as if he is a rock-star. Yeah it looks like everyone is slowly growing more awake. 

“We be screaming GO, GO, GO! We be screaming GO, GO, GO!” 

Haechan and Jeno end up actually screaming out the words rather than singing them, causing us to laugh in hysterics. 

“Alright boys enough!” Eunsu calls out over our laughter, “No screaming out the words please, you will ruin your vocal chords!” 

Our laughter slowly dies out, with both Jeno and Haechan giggling out an apology. 

“Alright boys,” Eunsu sighs, “Go get a drink, take a breath, and come back ready to go into Chewing Gum. We will go through the full song, acapella.” 

We agree and separate ourselves from Eunsu, going off to where our water bottles sit. As we stand there, drinking our water and having a breather, I notice Mark looking at me with a look of concern. 

“Is everything ok Mark-Hyung?” I ask after a moment, slightly disturbed by his stare. 

“What?” He asks, shaking his head lightly as if he is shaking away his confusion. 

“You are looking at me. Are you ok?” I inform him lightly. 

“Oh yeah I am fine,” He tries to tell me, but I can see it is a lie, “I am just tired and thinking. How are you holding up though?”

“Yeah how are you doing Chenle-ah?” Renjun asks, leaving the conversation between Haechan and Jeno to join the conversation between Mark and myself. 

“Oh, um,” I flush, not expecting this amount of concern, “Well I guess I am doing fine. I mean, I am not freaked out or anything so I guess that is a bonus.”

Renjun and Mark smile at me sympathetically, a look which I am growing sick of. It was just a stupid dream, why is everyone so worked up about it? 

“Boys come back now,” Eunsu calls out to us after our short drink break, “Come back into positions now. We are going to go through Chewing Gum, and Jeno-yah, Haechan-ah, please do it seriously this time thank you.” 

The seven of us walk back over to Eunsu, Jeno and Jaemin laughing at something and Jisung “sneakily” looking at his phone. He better put that away before Eunsu takes it. 

“Alright we ready to begin?” Eunsu asks, earning a chorus of yes’s from us in response.

Eunsu counts us in from three, signalling us to sing once she says the final number. 

“You, who stopped my black sneakers,” Mark sings after we chant out the Chewing Gums, “Come over here suspect.”

As Mark sings, I can see a look of mischief spread across Jaemin’s face as Mark sings his bit. That look of mischief passes on to both Haechan and Jeno and now I know they are planning something. The amount of time those three have acted out in vocal lessons has me amazed that Eunsu hasn’t left yet. She is a lovely woman, in her late thirties, and is very kind hearted, but when we act out more than once in her lessons, then things get bad. I just hope they aren’t planning anything to bad this time. 

“I can’t walk because it’s too sticky,” Jeno sings, the look of pure mischief still etched on his face, “I’m sure it’s spitted a moment ago.” 

I watch Haechan try and control his giggles as his bit pops up. He opens his mouth, and I am fully expecting him to sing atrociously or scream. 

“Eye contact by insinuation is awkward,” Haechan sings, surprisingly well and normally, “You’re looking the other way when I approach you.”

As Haechan’s bit finishes up, the smiles of mischief on both Jaemin’s, Jeno’s and his faces all broaden and grow more intense. I don’t have time to dwell on it however as my part is right up next and I need to sing. 

“I knew it wouldn’t hard to find you,” I sing, my eyes never leaving the three, “You’re too beautiful to get angry.” 

My part finishes as soon as it starts, and we now are to jump into the first chorus. Something tells me those three are going to start their mischief here. 

“Blow a bubble. Who can blow a big bubble gum?” We all sing together with no mistakes or added silliness, “I’m confident, soft chewing gum.”

The “Soft chewing Gum” was sung only by Renjun, and for some reason that was humours to Haechan as he begins to giggle. Eunsu notices and shoots him a look that, personally, I believe made the looks of mischief grow wide. 

“I walk over to you carefully, my heart seems to explode like chewing gum.”

We chant out the Chewing Gums, Jisung and myself doing the little dance that goes with that bit together as we usually do. The looks Jeno, Jaemin, and Haechan hold make me a bit self-conscious when I do so however.

“You’re my chewing gum,” Renjun sings out smoothly before Jaemin is due to sing. 

Despite no jokes or mischief happening during the chorus like I thought would happen, Jeno, Haechan, and Jaemin still seem to be building up something and not something good. 

“It’s amazing, we keep facing each other often,” Jaemin sings, the words making Jeno and Haechan stifle laughter, “We walk on the same street every day.”

It is at this point as Jaemin finishes up singing, that I notice the three of them are staring at something on the wall to my right. I glance over, and low and behold, there is a cockroach. Jisung opens his mouth to sing. I put two and two together and realise what all their laughter is about. Before Jisung can sing his bit, I watch Jeno reach around me, tapping Jisung on the shoulder and pointing at the wall to our right. I have never seen Jisung look so horrified. Jisung cuts himself off from his singing with a loud, high-pitched scream. 

“KILL IT HOLY SHIT KILL IT!” Jisung curses, falling over onto his butt, phone flung across the room. 

“JISUNG-AH!” Eunsu, Mark and Renjun yell at the same time, surprised by his outburst.

Haechan, Jeno, and Jaemin are all hunched over, screeching with laughter, proud of their accomplishment. Normally I would laugh with them, as I have to admit, Jisung’s reaction to cockroaches is hilarious, but this time I don’t. Something about Jisung’s scream of terror doesn’t feel right to me, almost like the scream is a weird sense of déjà vu. 

“BOYS THAT’S ENOUGH, STOP IT!” Eunsu yells at us, trying to control us but with little success, “THAT’S IT, YOU ARE ALL DISMISSED, I DON’T WANT TO DEAL WITH THIS SILLY BEHAVIOUR ANYMORE!” 

At those words, the three trouble makers jump up from rolling on the floor and rush out of the room, eager for the relief of an early dismissal. Jisung bolts out the door shortly after in terror, quick to get away from the now “Cockroach Infested” room. I make my way out the room shortly after, saying a formal good bye to Eunsu as I leave. The scream of terror Jisung let out still rings in my mind, hauntingly almost. Why do I not find his fear of cockroaches as funny as I use to? Does this have something to do with that stupid dream? Will I ever figure this out?

“Chenle-ah,” I hear Jeno calls out to me from my left, “We are going to get something to eat, come with us.”

I frown slightly, looking at my watch to check the time.

“It is only around 10:30?” I say confused, “We normally don’t eat until around 12:00.”

“Yeah so?” Jeno laughs, shaking his head, “Come on, we are growing men and I am hungry as hell.”

I sigh and make my way over to where Jeno stands alongside Haechan and Jaemin. I notice Jisung isn’t among them. 

“Where is Jisung?” I ask, looking around to make sure I didn’t miss him, “He ran out with you guys didn’t he?”

“Oh yeah,” Haechan smirks, “I am pretty sure he is in the bathrooms or something hiding. The cockroach really scared him.”

Jeno and Jaemin begin laughing at the recent memory. 

“Poor kid even swore,” Jaemin laughs hysterically, hanging off Jeno’s shoulder for support, “I swear if one of the Hyungs heard him he wouldn’t be alive right now.”

The three of them begin laughing like they did when Jisung first swore the darn roach, which is hilarious but for some reason, I can’t find myself able to laugh. Why am I not laughing? I am not even smiling. What is wrong with me? Haechan ends up seeing this which ceases his laughter. 

“Hey what’s wrong Chenle?” Haechan asks, the smirk on his face being replaced with a frown of worry.

Jeno and Jaemin soon quiet down once they realise Haechan and I aren’t laughing. 

“You ok?” Jaemin asks me, his face holding the same look of concern as Haechan and Jeno. 

I mentally shake my head, clearing my thoughts. 

“Yeah I am alright,” I tell them, smiling falsely, “Didn’t you guys want to eat?”

I thank all gods that maybe out there that these three are still in the stage of puberty where a simple topic change has them overly excited, especially if food is involved. 

“Oh yeah!” Jeno exclaims excitedly, “We are going to do that, just waiting for Mark-Hyung and Renjun.”

“Yeah where are those idiots?” Haechan groans as he realises said two are still yet to appear, “I am starving.”

“They are probably talking to Eunsu-Noona like the nerds they are,” Jaemin sighs, looking off to the door where the two are yet to emerge from. 

“Why must those two be such nerds,” Haechan whines like a child, “I am hungry.”

I tune my brain out of the conversation, not wanting to listen to them bitch about their hunger anymore. I don’t even think they are hungry, I think they are just bored and want to complain. Although, I could go for some food. Nothing too big, but like some chocolate milk or just a bag of chips. Thinking about this food has now made me rather peckish. 

“I am going to go get those two to hurry up,” I inform the other three, cutting Jaemin off mid complaint, “I am now really wanting a small snack and those two are taking too long.”

“Good luck with that Chenle-ah,” Jeno laughs in amusement, “There is no way you are going to be able to get those two out of there.”

“I will,” I say with confidence, “They love me, they will come out if I ask them to.”

“You want to bet?” Jeno laughs at me, “If you manage to succeed I will buy you some chocolate milk.”

“You got yourself a deal,” I say excitedly, grinning happily for the first time today.

I rush away from the group, running into the room we just came from, eager to get Mark and Renjun out of there as soon as possible. As I enter the room, as Jaemin predicted, the two of them are talking to Eunsu. Nerds. I smile to myself softly as I walk closer to them to get the two to come along so we can grab some food. The thought of chocolate milk sounds so good right now I can almost taste it. 

“Renjun-Hyung, Mark-Hyung,” I call gaining their attention, “Hurry up, Jeno-Hyung, Haechan-Hyung, and Jaemin-Hyung want to get food and so do I. Let’s go grab some before we have to go to dance.” 

Mark sighs, turning around to smile apologetically to Eunsu. 

“Ok we will be out in a minute,” Mark smiles at me, his face has a peculiar look I can’t read painted on it.

“Come on,” I groan, pulling his arm, “You’ve been here for ages and Jeno-Hyung said if I can get you two out of he will buy me chocolate milk. If I walk out without you I lose the bet. Hurry up.” 

“Chenle-ah,” Renjun scolds lightly, “You are being rude.” 

“It is ok Renjun-ah,” Mark tells him with a sigh, putting his hand on Renjun’s shoulder, “Leave him, he is right, we have been in here a while. Let’s go.”

I jump in victory, excited for my achievement and my prize of chocolate milk. 

“We will talk later Eunsu-Noona,” Mark smiles at her, bowing politely with Renjun following his actions a split second after.

“Bye Eunsu-Noona,” Renjun bids goodbye, walking to the door as he does so. 

“Let’s go, let’s go!” I chant excitedly, food being the only thing on my mind at this point in time. 

The three of us exit the room and head over to where Jeno, Haechan, and Jaemin are. Jeno’s face drops in surprise when he realises I won the bet. 

“No way!” He exclaims in shock. 

“Markie!” Haechan squeals, rushing over to hug his best friend. 

“You okay there Haechan-ah?” Renjun laughs when Haechan hugs Mark, catching Mark by complete surprise. 

“How did you do it?” Jeno asks in shock, ignoring everything else, “Did you annoy them till they left or were they just about to head out on their own?”

I laugh triumphantly at Jeno’s shock. 

“Neither, they just love me,” I tell him with a smug look decorating my face. 

Jaemin finds this whole ordeal hilarious, crouching on the floor in uncontrollable laughter. 

“Alright,” Mark calls out over the sound of laughter, Haechan still hugging is side, “You said you wanted food, so let’s go before it is too late.” 

Jeno, Haechan, Jaemin and I cheer happily, rushing off to the front entrance of the SM building. We plan to go to the convenience store across the street as that place has the cheapest and best junk food. 

“Wait!” Renjun yells causing us to halt our running, “Where is Jisung?” 

“Hiding from the cockroaches,” Haechan laughs, brushing Renjun’s concern for our youngest member off, “It doesn’t matter. Let’s go!”

Just as we begin to run again, we hear a gasp from behind us. 

“Well that’s rude Haechan-Hyung,” Jisung gasps in fake hurt, “I thought you guys cared.”

We stop running and turn around to see a sad looking Jisung. 

“Jisung-ah, watch out, there might be more cockroaches!” Jaemin teases with a laugh of pure evil. 

A brief look of fear dusts Jisung’s face before he sobers up. 

“Not funny cripple!” Jisung teases back, choosing to attack Jaemin for his back problems. 

“Watch it brat!” Jaemin yells back, a look of irritation replacing the look of humour he previously had. 

“Are we getting food or not?” I complain, annoyed that I must wait for my snacks and free chocolate milk. 

“Ok you big baby,” Renjun tease me as he walks up to us with Mark and Jisung. 

“Shut up Idiot,” I growl at him in Chinese. 

“Oh so you want to do this?” He smirks, responding in Chinese as well, “Then bring it.”

“I would bring it but it depends if I am going to get my ass beat for saying something that isn’t children friendly,” I smirk, continuing the conversation in Chinese. 

“Is it something I would say?” Renjun asks, knowing the answer already. 

“Yeah, but slightly more vulgar,” I laugh with a cheeky grin. 

“Then you will get beat,” Renjun smirks, getting ready to pounce should I say anything. 

“Bitch,” I smirk with great cheek.

“That’s it,” Renjun laughs, pouncing at me. 

I scream a high pitched, dolphin like, scream and run past the rest of the boys, who are extremely confused as they don’t speak any Chinese so had no idea what we just said.

“HELP ME!” I screech with laughter as I run. 

Of course no one helps me as they have no idea what I said considering I am still speaking in Chinese. 

“COME BACK HERE YOU BRAT!” Renjun yells after me in Chinese, voice laced with laughter. 

I laugh as I run, but then something seems off. As I run I get a feeling deep within me. A feeling almost like fear. I look around as I run, and for a brief moment, the world around me changes. The world is no longer the halls of the SM building, but a world of black. Not black like darkness, but black like the world has been painted the darkest shade of black. The black that was like what I saw in my dream. I stop running. I don’t realise I am screaming in pure terror until Renjun shakes me. 

“CHENLE! CHENLE WHAT’S WRONG?! CHENLE!” Renjun yells at me in Chinese, holding me by my shoulders.

As he does that, the world comes back to what it was. The halls of the SM building return, and I can see the faces of many concerned employees, trainees, and idols staring at me. I guess my screams alerted many people. 

“Chenle-ah,” Mark says softly, crouching down to my level. 

When did I get on the floor?

“Chenle-ah, what happened?” Mark asks in a soft voice, the words spoken in Korean jumbling in my confused and scared mind. 

“Black,” I all I manage to mutter in Korean. 

“Black?” Mark repeats in confusion, “What do you mean by black Chenle-ah?”

I sit there in silence for a moment, gathering my scrambled thoughts and trying form an understandable sentence of explanation. 

“Black,” I mumble dumbly, “Black room. Like in my dream. Went back to my dream.”

“You went back to your dream?” Mark repeats in confusion, “Chenle-ah you aren’t making much sense.”

I ignore him in favour of looking around at my surroundings. I am sat limply on the floor, arms hanging lamely at my sides. Renjun is crouched behind me, his hands on my shoulders as a way of holding me up, and Mark is crouched in front of me, looking at me with concern. Jeno and Jaemin a stand off a bit to my right side, giving me some space but still being close to me. Haechan is talking in a hushed tone to a group of people, a mix of older employees and trainees. Jisung stand next to him. 

“Chenle-ah,” Renjun calls me, trying to get me to respond.  
I don’t. My mind is in a trance from staring at Jisung. Something about the way he is standing strikes fear in my heart. Something is now know the reason as to why. The figure. The figure that I saw in my dream looked like Jisung. Jisung was the figure. I feel my heart rate increase as I remember it all. The white outfit I wore, the black area and Jisung like figure, the voice, and the words. “Black Dahlia”. I remember the way the voice called out and how the figure reached out to me. I remember the fear and confusion.

I remember the corpse. 

“Chenle-ah?” Mark calls out again, only this time I do have a response, just not a verbal one. 

I feel myself pitch forward and expel the contents of my stomach right onto Mark’s chest. Oh god that corpse haunts my mind. The blood and gore of it. The worst thing was it was my body. As I throw up people around us gasp and scream. Renjun’s hands leave my shoulders causing Mark to throw his hands up to hold me upright by the chest. I hear Jeno curse and Haechan run off claiming he is going to find a manager. I notice someone unknown shove a bucket under my chin as I throw up uncontrollably. God what is happening to me?

“Chenle-ah?” I hear Mark ask in a whisper once I finish puking, “Chenle-ah what happened?”

“Remembered,” Is all I am able to mutter in response, unsure if I even said the word in Korean correctly or not. 

“You remembered your dream?” I hear Renjun gasp from behind me after a moment of silence. 

I nod my head shakily. 

“Corpse,” I whisper in what I know is Chinese, “Blood. Cut in half. Face mutilated. Voice. I am ‘Black Dahlia’. Jisung. Jisung chasing me. Black area. Fear. Death.” 

“What-what is he saying?” Mark stutters in disbelief to Renjun. 

“He,” Renjun swallows thickly, translating my cryptic words, “He said corpse. He said something about blood and being cut in half. A mutilated face, and-and a voice. ‘Black Dahlia’ was mentioned again, and Jisung. Jisung was chasing him a think and something about a black area. Fear and death was also mentioned. I-I think he died, but-but like Jisung killed him or something and-and like the way ‘Black Dahlia’ was-was murdered.”

Everyone is silent. The people around us seem confused and horrified, unsure as to what make of this situation. 

“Not to sound rude,” The person who is holding the bucket under my head speaks up, “But what is this all about? I am a bit confused as well as the rest of us.”

“Chenle here woke up last night due to a nightmare,” Mark informs everyone darkly, “He couldn’t remember what it was about last night when he calmed down, but remembers it now. His reaction is similar to his reaction last night. We aren’t even fully sure what is going on ourselves.” 

I tune out for the rest of what people were saying. I tune out the sound of Haechan running back with our manager. I tune out our manager’s questioning. I tune out the soft cries of Jisung when he fully realises that I mentioned him as one of the causes of horror in my dream. I tune out the motion of me being lifted to my feet. I tune out the motion of someone lifting me up into their arms. I tune out everything. I am basically brain dead. 

“Running a fever,” Is one thing that gets past my mental wall of blockage of the outside world. 

Running a fever? Who’s running a fever? Am I running a fever? I don’t feel sick. Well, I do feel a bit off, but that is just because I threw up not even five minutes ago. If I am sick that might explain a few things, yet also doesn’t. God I feel tired. I think I might just close my eyes, deal with everything when I decide to let the outside world back in.  
I let my eyes slip close, ignoring the movement of someone carrying me somewhere. I briefly hear a muffled plead to stay awake, but that isn’t something I want to pay attention to. I allow the mind numbing relief of sleep take over my body as I am hurriedly carried down the halls. I wonder briefly before I drift off if I will dream of that dream again. Sleep over takes me before I can get my answer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this chapter turned out way different from what it was meant to be. My computer kept shutting down and wouldn't save the document so I had to rewrite parts of it some many times. Also sorry it is so long (5529 words to be exact) I kept changing things in it and adding things, I got a bit carried away. 
> 
> Once again thank you all for the comments, kudos', and views. Seeing people enjoy this story really encourages me to write. Thank you all so much. 
> 
> Next chapter will be up in a week, sorry I only update once a week but it makes it easier for me to update consistently rather than updating three times in one week then no updates for a month because I didn't have time to write. I actually have the next 4 chapters already written up as I write whenever an idea pops into my head for this story. Having four chapters already written means that I can space out my time easier and leave time to write for this and time to complete school work (I am in my final years of High school so work is hectic as I prepare for the future.) 
> 
> I will have a short story out soon which is based loosely of an event I experienced in these past months. It is centred around Renjun and will be out maybe in the next week or so, so keep an eye out for that if you are interested. Heads up however, that short story will contain a lot of swearing, violence, and teenage themes. 
> 
> That is all for now, next week I will have a new chapter out. Bye!


	4. Columbine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Warnings, mentions of the "Columbine School Shooting", death, guns, and suicide.*

My eyes open quickly as if forced open by an unknown force. I dart my eyes around taking in the surroundings around me. My heart stops and my stomach drops. I am back. I am back at the same black area. I look down at myself in a panic. I am wearing the same white attire as before. The white sweater, white sweat pants, and white socks hug my thin frame once again, glowing against the black colouring of the area I am trapped in. I find myself lying down in this area like before. This whole situation is giving me a great sense of déjà vu. I feel myself begin to panic before I am even too deep into this dream. I know it is a dream, but I can’t wake. Oh how I wish I could wake. 

I sit up slowly, an uncomfortable feeling settling itself deep in my chest. It is like a calling almost, telling me to stand and go forward. It is like something deep within my chest is pulling me forward to, what I can only imagine to be, the same Jisung like figure. I swallow loudly, shaking from head to toe, pushing myself up onto my feet. I look off into the inky distance, nothing but black being seen for what could be forever. I don’t know why, but in pure terror, I take a step forward in the inky black area. I take one step, two steps, three steps, four steps, five steps, six seven eight nine ten steps. I take multiple steps down the path of black so that I am walking to my impending doom. I don’t want to be walking, but I am. I am forced to. 

It doesn’t take long, but soon enough I am standing a few feet away from the same black figure once again, only this time it is different. Why? Because this time the figure doesn’t look like the figure of Jisung. This time it looks like the figure of Renjun. I recognize that stance and those skinny limbs anywhere. I pray silently that this dream won’t have the same outcome as the last. I allow my body to force itself forward those few extra steps towards the figure. This time I don’t even have to touch the figure before it turns around to face me. Like before, there is no face. The figure is just a mannequin, empty with no face to show emotions. 

“What do you want?”

The voice that speaks is not mine, but Mark’s. The voice is laced with terror. My heart rate increases in utter and pure fear.

“Columbine.”

The same monotone voice from the first dream echoes around the area. This word is something I don’t understand however.

“Don’t do it.”

A new voice is echoes around the area. The voice of Doyoung. It sounds terrified yet firm.

“Columbine.”

The Renjun like figure raises its dark arm to me, slowly and stiffly like it is being held down by an unknown force. I fear what it will do should it touch me, so I jump back. The hand doesn’t reach out to me however, no, it reaches out to my left. I fear as to why it is reaching to my left. 

“I am scared.”

My heart breaks at the child like phrase. It breaks even more once I realize it was Jisung’s voice who voiced those words.

“Columbine.”

My body shakes in fear at that haunting word. I don’t understand what it means or what it is, all I know is that I can only assume it is English and it sounds like it could be a name maybe.

“What is happening?”

The shaky voice that encases the area belongs to Johnny this time. 

“Columbine.”

The figure is still reaching out to the left of me. I turn my head shakily and see what is there. My breathing and heart stops. 

“Please leave us alone.”

This plead was called out by the voice of Lucas. The voice is laced with what could only be described as tears.

“Columbine.”

Standing to my left is me, only it isn’t really me. The second me, Chenle-Two, is standing stock still, eyes and face void of emotions and skin almost milky white. It is like I am looking at my own corpse. 

“Please don’t do this.”

The voice that echoes around the area I recognize as Jaemin’s. It sounds so fearful, so terrified.

What is going on? 

“Columbine.”

The figure hands something to Chenle-Two, pulling back once the object is in Chenle-Two’s possession. I look to see what it is. It is a gun. 

“Where did you get that?”

The voice holds so much fear, fear I have never heard in Taeil’s voice before.

“Columbine.”

The voice is growing more frantic, more rapid. It is almost as if the voice is now growing impatient. 

“No.”

That simple word is all I hear from the voice of Kun. 

“Columbine.”

The black figure turns to me, holding its arm out to give me something. In fear, my arms inch their way towards the figure, holding my palms open to receive what the figure wants to give me. The item is placed in my hands. It is a gun. 

“NO PLEASE DON’T DO THIS TO ME!”

That voice, that voice screamed in such terror. It screamed for its life. That voice belongs to Ten. 

“Columbine.”

I turn to my left, gun still in my hands and look to Chenle-Two. Their gun is held as if ready to shoot. Looking look on their face is blank yet hints of evil float within their look. Whatever is happening won’t end well, I know it. If this is going to be like the last dream, I am going to be expecting to see my dead corpse soon. God, I just want to wake up from this nightmare. 

“SOMEONE HELP!”

That scream was from Jaehyun.

“DON’T SHOOT!”

Sicheng is the owner of that panicked voice. 

“WHAT HAVE I DONE?!”

I never expected to hear that kind of cry, that kind of plead, being cried in Haechan’s voice. 

“THEY ARE ONLY CHILDREN!”

Those words were sobbed out, sobbed out by the voice of Yuta.

“HELP ME!”

That voice can only belong to my fellow Chinese Dream member, Renjun. 

“PUT THE GUN DOWN!” 

My mouth dries as that Jungwoo like scream fills the air. 

“I DON’T WANT TO DIE!”

I feel my body shake harder as the terrified scream of Jeno rings in my ears. 

“YOU ARE SICK!”

The final voice of NCT screams. The voice of our leader Taeyong.

“COLUMBINE!”

The voice from the first dream screeches the word one last time, distorted and full of rage. Gun shots ring loudly across the area and screams fill the air. I drop the weapon to the floor, throwing my hands up to cover my heads. I kneel on the ground, eyes closed and lungs screaming in fear. I am so scared, I don’t know what is happening. The screams slowly die out and one final shot rings out through the area. I feel something, or rather someone, fall to the floor next to me. I shakily remove my hands from my ears, opening my eyes and looking to my left.

I gasp in horror at what I see. Chenle-Two has a gunshot wound straight through his head, the result of suicide. They are dead. I frantically look away, looking out straight ahead to avoid seeing his corpse. Big mistake. Out in front of me is just a pile of dead bodies, all have been shot with a gun. I look at them in mute horror, realizing there are thirteen of them, and I know all of them. There is Jisung, Jaemin, Haechan, Jeno, Renjun, Mark, Lucas, Jungwoo, Sicheng, Jaehyun, Ten, Doyoung, and Kun. 13 members of NCT, and the 13 youngest. Pained groans from behind me cause me to jump around in fright. There lies the remaining NCT members, Yuta, Taeyong, Johnny, and Taeil, lying on the floor behind me, bleeding out of various gunshot wounds, groaning and crying in immense pain. 

I feel myself begin to freak, terrified of what is happening. I go to run, but find I am unable to. The area has shrunk, making me unable to go anywhere away from the bodies that have been shot. I let out a loud sob, not knowing what do to. Why won’t I wake up? I look around frantically, begging for some form of escape. Nothing. There is no opening to climb out of, not doors, no windows, no nothing. The worst of this whole ordeal, deep within me, I know I did this. I killed them. I hurt them. I choke on a sob. I allow my body to fall forward onto the smooth floor below. I just want to wake up. 

As I fall forward, I realise an object is in front of me within reach. I look up to it, pulling the mysterious object closer. The cold metal of it tickles at my soft skin. It is the gun. I hold it up to me, looking at it as if asking myself “Do I”. With a quick once over, I decide “I Do”. This is the only way to escape this horror. I put the gun to my head, sticking the end of it in my mouth, pointing upward to my brain. I take a deep breath in and pull the trigger. 

A loud bang is the last thing I hear.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this is posted a little later than usual, i was really busy today as i met up with some people and got really sidetracked. Anyways, this chapter was one i was a bit hesitant to upload as i already have a fair few chapters and chapter ideas already written up about the dreams, and this was one i was really unsure about uploading due to the fact it was such a terrible thing the "Columbine School Shooting". I decided though to upload it this early in the book, as i want to go into the idea of something in the earlier chapters of the book as it will be featured throughout the whole book and will push the plot forward. I thought this chapter would work well here. I apologize greatly though if you readers were uncomfortable by this and i will try not to talk about things such as what was in this chapter to much in the future of this book. 
> 
> Sorry for the ramble, and as always, thank you all so much for commenting, leaving a kudos, or even just viewing this book, it means a lot to me to see other people interested in this story, and next week i will try and upload not so late (But i am back at school next week so i am unsure if i w ill be able to keep that promise).
> 
> Bye!!


	5. Panic

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Warnings, mentions of panic attacks, the "Columbine School Shooting", and light swearing.*

I shoot awake, flailing in fear before falling from my bed. My heart beats loudly in my ear and body trembles in fear. At least I am not screaming or throwing up, I guess that is something. I look around frantically, taking in the surroundings of my room. I don’t remember coming here. Actually, I don’t remember much past vocal training. I allow my mind to drift back to earlier, before all this happened. I remember Jeno, Haechan, and Jaemin messing around during our vocal training and Jisung being scared over a cockroach. After that we were dismissed early as Eunsu got fed up with our behaviour and kicked us out. What happened after that? Oh wait, I remember. Jeno, Haechan, and Jaemin asked me to come with them to get food and I agreed. We got fed up with waiting for Renjun and Mark, so I went in and got the two of them. Jisung came back and then I think Renjun and I were screwing around. After that my mind is blank. I can’t remember anything past that point. I think, but only think I don’t know for sure, but I think I swore at Renjun in Chinese, maybe, but I could be wrong. It is something I would do so that most likely did happen. 

As I allow my mind to relax, slowly bring it back to the reality of the world, I notice the dorm is dead silent. Normally my mind would tell me this means that everyone is at practice or school, not in the dorms but still safe, but since I just dreamt I shot everyone up, my mind if far from relaxed and think rationally. I get a sinking feeling that my dream wasn’t that much of a dream and everyone who I killed in my dream is dead. Once the thought filters through my panicked mind, it is all I can think of. The images of NCT bleeding from gunshot wounds and the sound of their screams burn themselves into my head. I wish I could forget this dream like I did with the first one, but I know that won’t happen. This dream is one of those dreams I will remember for a long, long time. 

I can’t bare the thought of sitting here, not knowing whether my members are dead or not. I jump up from the floor where I lay and rush out of the door of my room. The only thought on my mind is “Are they alive”. I run down the halls of the NCT Dream dorm, bolting out to the main room in search of someone, anyone. No one is there, but that doesn’t mean they are gone. There are still rooms in the dorm I haven’t checked. I run out of the main room, checking the kitchen briefly as I dash away. No one is there. I run to Jisung’s, Jeno’s, and Renjun’s shared room, throwing open the door and looking inside. It is void of all living things (Well Jeno’s socks might be alive by now but that doesn’t count in this context). I run out of the room and throw open the door across the hall from it. Jaemin’s room is all empty of all life. Panic builds inside me. I run around checking all the cupboards in the house, the bathroom, the laundry room, everywhere, no one. I feel sick. No one is here. 

“Calm down Chenle,” I whisper to myself in Chinese, breathing heavily, “This doesn’t mean everyone is dead. They are probably at the NCT 127 or NCT U dorms. Practice maybe, school even. No one is dead.” 

Despite my attempt to calm myself, I remain unsuccessful. I am so scared about my dream that I don’t even think to check the other dorms or even try and contact one of my Hyungs using my phone. I stand there, shaking in fear in the middle of the hall outside my room. My mind is racing with thoughts and memories of the dream. I remember so much of it, more than I want. I remember the guns, I remember, the blood, the death, the terror. I remember who was dead and who was dying, and I even remember the figure was shaped like Renjun. The worst of them all though, I remember the voices. Those terrified screams of NCT filling the air and the haunting monotone voice calling out that one unknown word, “Columbine”. 

I sink to the floor, kneeling on the cold wooden floor of the dorm, mind racing like a horse on the run. I feel a sickness deep within my gut and a tightness in my chest. My hands begin to shake, and my breathing seems to become a struggle. I know what is happen, I am not an idiot, I know what a panic attack is, I just never thought I would have one. I have witnessed countless times members of NCT breaking down and having an anxiety/panic attack, people you wouldn’t expect like Mark or Johnny, but I never knew how to help them. Every time someone breaks down like that it is always around the older Hyungs, so there is always someone on hand to help them through it. No one is here on hand, so I guess I am not going to receive the same help everyone else gets in times like this. 

I draw in a quick, sharp breath, but it isn’t enough. I try and keep myself calm, but with absolutely zero success. My body shakes in fear and my chest tightens greatly. My whole body is now shivering in utter panic and my breathing is no longer constant. My vision is darker around the edges, and a sense of pins and needles coats my whole body. This is the worst feeling ever. I feel like I am dying and floating almost at the same time. The whole time this is happening, my mind is just swarmed with things that are wrong with my life, this that cause me slight discomfort. Things such as there being no rice in the dorm were now seen as a massive problem to stress over at this point. I have no idea what is happening or what is going on, but all I know is that I would rather die than suffer this. This is the worst feeling ever. 

I don’t know how long I have been here for, but when I feel like I am finally starting to calm slowly, I jump at the opportunity to be free of this terrible panic attack. I tell myself mentally that everything is okay, that when I come out of this I will call one of my Hyungs and everything will be fine. Everyone is alive, everyone is okay. I repeat these words over and over in my head on repeat, trying my hardest to convince myself what I say is true. As the words in my head become clear and more comforting, I am finally able to take in a deep breath. After my lungs seem to be stable enough to take in air, I can’t get enough of it. I breath deeply and fast, greedily taking in as much air as possible. Unfortunately, I just end up almost hyperventilating again due to the rapid pace of my breaths. I calm myself down once again, taking deeper and slower breaths, allowing the foggy darkness that is peaking at my vision to fade and allowing the tingling in my body to disappear. 

“Fuck,” I whisper lightly to myself in Chinese, knowing that if one of the Hyungs from the China line heard me I would be dead. 

The tingling sensation is still lightly flowing through my body and I still feel slightly dizzy, but at least now I have calmed down and am able to think rationally. I am able to clear my mind of all ridiculous thoughts and make smarter choices. I swallow thickly and push myself up, walking shakily directly ahead to the room I share with Haechan and Mark. I stumble into the room, walking off to the left of it where my bed is. Once there, I flop down on to my bed, breathing deeply and slowly to avoid the point of hyperventilation again. I turn my head to the bedside table that is next to my bed, looking it over in search of my phone. It should still be there on charge as I didn’t take it to practice today as I never really use my phone too much. I normally only have it for when I am going somewhere without someone else or when I am told to bring it, so if I go out for a walk alone or if I go to school, other than that I never have it. As expected, my phone is sat there on the bedside table where I left it last night. 

I reach over and grab my phone, unplugging it from its charger as I do. I press the power button and watch it light up to my lock screen. I smile softly at the picture that is the background of my lock screen. The picture is of the boys of NCT Dream, minus Jaemin, right after when we won our first award. I hope in the future I can replace that photo with one of another award ceremony, only this time with Jaemin in the photo. My smile drops pretty quickly, and I am soon hurriedly unlocking my phone, clicking on my contacts, and scrolling to find Sicheng’s number, choosing to call him so I won’t have to force my brain to try and speak and translate Korean. I would ring Renjun, but he is like me, never on his phone and Sicheng is more likely to have an idea as to where people are. I find his contact in record time, hitting dial on the number and listening to it ring. After the fifth ring, Sicheng picks up the phone. 

“Hello Chenle-ah,” Sicheng greets in Korean.

“Hello,” I respond in Chinese, giving him a hint that I wish to speak in that language. 

“What’s up?” Sicheng responds after a brief moment, in Chinese this time. 

“I-I just-where is everyone?” I stutter, stumbling over my words. 

“We’re all still at practice, well the younger ones are at a café, but we are all out,” Sicheng responds, concern lacing his voice, “Are you okay? Did you throw up again?”

“Yeah I’m-wait what do you mean again?” I blubber out, all confused, “Are you referring to last night?”

“Do you not remember?” Sicheng asks, his voice soundly slightly panicked. 

“I remember throwing up last night.”

I hear a soft curse on the other line followed by a loud sigh. 

“Chenle,” Sicheng sighs softly, “You threw up again this morning, do you not remember?”

“No,” I whisper in shock. 

Why can I not remember things?

“Well you did. I don’t fully know what happened, but you and Renjun were messing around, but you got freaked or something and blacked out for like a split second, when you came to, you threw up all over Mark then blacked out again. You were running a pretty high fever.”

I am silent. This sounds like something I would remember, something is should remember, but I can’t.

“Is-is Mark okay? I stutter out after a short pause. 

“Yeah,” Sicheng informs me, “He went back to the dorms and showered when the managers brought you back. He is here with NCT U right now as we had a practice to fill in for NCT Dream. The kids were pretty upset by what happened so the manager of NCT Dream took them out for food, they aren’t back yet though.” 

“Oh,” Is all I respond with. 

Yeah,” Sicheng breaths out, “Now why did you call? Is something wrong?”

“Oh um,” Do I tell Sicheng about my dream, “I just-I just had another night-nightmare. I-I got a little freaked I guess when no one was home.” 

“I knew someone should have gone back with you,” Sicheng hisses to himself on the other line, “Do you need someone one to come home?” 

“Uh-I-um-no I think-I think I am right,” I stutter out awkwardly, unsure if what I am saying is true or not. 

“Are you sure? If not, I can tell management and get them to drive one of us back. I can ask them to drive one of the members who speak Chinese over since you don’t seem to want to speak in Korean right now.”

“It’s fine, I am just going to go rest some more. I’ll be fine you guys stay and practice. The rest of my group might come back soon anyways so I’ll wait for them. If I need to talk I’ll talk to Renjun, he speaks Chinese.”

There is a bit of murmuring on Sicheng’s end, which tells me maybe he wasn’t the only one there during this phone call. After a moment, Sicheng responds. 

“Kun and Lucas are both here,” Sicheng tells me, which explains the murmuring, “They both want to talk to you.”

Before I am able to respond, I hear the familiar hello of Kun flow through my phone’s speaker. 

“Chenle are you sure you are okay?” Kun asks, bypassing any small talk and getting straight to the point, “We are all worried about you. You really scared us today, are you sure you don’t want any of us to come back?”

“Yes Kun,” I sigh into my phone, “I am sure. I just wanted to check up on you guys, I’m fine though.”

“Hmm,” Kun hummed into the phone, his tone sounding very unsure, “Well if that is the case, can you do something for me before I hand over to Lucas?”

“Yeah sure, what is it?” I say, eager to get Kun off my back. 

“Can you go find a thermometer?” Kun asks me in a pleading tone. 

“Do we even have one?” I mutter in surprise, unsure if my dorm even has one since I have never seen one in this dorm. 

“You should, Taeyong bought one for you guys after Jaemin came back,” Kun informs me with a soft laugh, “Now I want you to go find it, it will either be in the bathroom or maybe on your bedside table, depending if anyone measured your temperature when you were brought home.”

“Okay,” I say with a hint of confusion in my voice. 

I stand up from my bed and look around my room, not seeing anything that could be a thermometer. I look carefully at my bedside table, but the only thing there is a lamp, a bunch of dirty cups and mugs, and my incomplete homework for science I was meant to hand in over a month ago. No thermometer though. 

“There is no thermometer in my room,” I tell Kun after my quick search. 

“Ok that means it is likely no one checked your temperature when you got home,” Kun tells me, “Go to the bathroom and look in the vanity cupboards in there, it might be in there.”

“That is going to take a while,” I laugh lightly, causing Kun to chuckle softly with me. 

I walk out of my room and head down to the bathroom, flicking on the lights in the hallway and bathroom as I go. I enter the bathroom, and have to sigh at the state of it. It smells horrible in there, and the whole place is a mess. Bottles of different soaps, lotions, shampoos, conditioners, everything, they litter the floors and some look to be almost a few months old. The vanity and sink are covered in make-up, old make up wipes, toothpaste, and some liquids I am unsure as to what they are. The draws and cupboards are open slightly as they don’t close properly, and don’t even get me started on the state of the toilet. Let’s just say, with seven teenage boys living under one roof, you would expect at least one of them to have good aim. You guessed wrong. 

“You found it yet?” Kun asks on the phone. 

“Nope,” I groan, “Someone seriously needs to clean this bathroom.”

“Oh, we all know,” Kun laughs, “Why do you think Mark showers at the 127 dorms and no one from outside of Dream uses the bathroom when over?”

I groan in annoyance, putting my phone on speaker and placing it on a relatively clean surface in on the vanity. I open the vanity cupboards, and pray to god that nothing falls out. It must be my lucky day, as everything stays put. I let out a loud sigh of relief, and start rummaging through the cupboard with care. 

“Kun where would it be in the cupboard?” I ask after a minute of seeing absolutely nothing but hair products, deodorant, make-up, and weird unmarked bottles. 

“Try the very top,” Kun tells me, “I know Taeyong sometimes stores things up there, so they won’t get lost in all of your filth.”

I snort at that remark and begin searching the top half of the disgusting bathroom vanity cupboard. After a minute or so of searching, I find a small first aid box. 

“Would it be in this random first aid box?” I ask Kun, surprised I have never seen this in all the years of living in the dorm. 

“What do you think?” I hear Lucas yell across the line, meaning that Sicheng’s phone is most likely on speaker right now.

“Thanks for the help Lucas,” I grumble as I open the box. 

Inside there is an assortment of bandages, pills, band-aids, and random cloth which I think is meant to be a sling. There is also the thermometer. 

“I found it,” I yell joyfully at the sight of it. 

“Thank god,” Kun laughs, “Now, it is going to seem stupid now as you sound better, but I want you to take your temperature for me and tell me what it is.” 

“Okay,” I say, popping the metallic device under my tongue. 

From what I remember from all the times I have been sick, and someone has taken my temperature, you are meant to keep it there under your tongue for like a minute to allow it to warm up, so that’s what I do. As I wait, I hear Lucas talking to me on the other end. He isn’t saying anything important, just informing me of his day and how Ten locked himself in the toilets during practice just to avoid him at one point. Sounds like a pretty normal day then. After a minute, I press the button to turn the thermometer on and wait another minute for it to beep. 

“Did it beep?” Kun asks, cutting off Lucas as he rants about something Jungwoo did today.

The thermometer lets out a series of high pitched beeps. 

“Yep,” I say, pulling the device from my mouth, “It says 37.9.” 

“Ok so it is still a bit high,” Kun sighs, “You sure you are okay? Because Sicheng and I can come to you if need be.”

“I am fine,” I smile softly, despite the fact they can see me smile, “I am just going to get a drink and something to eat then probably watch TV or something.”

“Ok that sounds good,” Kun says happily, “But you call us if you need anything okay.”

“I will.”

“Okay then Chenle, you rest up now, we will see you just after five. Bye now.”

“Bye,” I say at the same time I hear Lucas complaining about how he didn’t get to speak to me. 

The line cuts off, and I am once again left alone with my thoughts. My thoughts this time consist of, how dirty this bathroom is, what I want to eat, and what TV show should I watch. I walk out of the bathroom, turning off the light as I leave, and heading down the hall towards the kitchen. As I walk one big thought drifts through my mind. What is “Columbine”? I stop walking. 

“Columbine,” I whisper to myself. 

Word sounds foreign on my tongue and the words come out all broken and heavily accented. I want to google it to see if it is really something, but if I can’t say it, how will I spell it? I wonder if my Siri can understand me? 

“Hey Siri,” I call to my phone in my hand, “What is Columbine?”

By some miracle, Siri understands my terrible attempt at the word. 

“This is what I have found for ‘What is Columbine’ Chenle,” Siri informs me, my phone giving me many different results for the search.

I click of the Wikipedia article and read over the first few lines. As I do so, I feel my blood stop flowing and my mouth dry. 

“The Columbine High School Massacre was a school shooting that occurred on April 20, 1999, at Columbine High School in Columbine, an unincorporated area of Jefferson County, Colorado, United States.”

“Columbine” is the name of a school shooting. I dreamt of a shooting. 

What the fuck is going on?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So chapters now will be uploaded later on a Wednesday as I am now back at school and i don't normally get home from school until around 4:30PM. This chapter i felt went kind of off topic of everything and focused a fair bit on the relationship between Chenle and his older Chinese Hyungs. I know Kun isn't in NCT U officially, but for the sake of this story and adding him in to the plot better I made it so he is. I will go into the idea of the research on the "Columbine School Shooting" a bit more in the next chapter as well as explaining a bit more as to why there was all this talk about having a fever and everything (Also the fever of 37.9 C is 100.22 F). Everything (Well most of it) in this chapter will be touched on again in future chapters (Even the dirty bathroom). 
> 
> Thank you all for leaving a comment, kudos, or even just viewing this story, it means a lot to me to know people actually enjoy this story. I will try and get another chapter up next Wednesday and i may decide to upload in the mornings before school to get it up earlier (Even if that means having a chapter up at like 5 in the morning) Anyways that is all for now. 
> 
> Bye!


	6. Fever

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Warnings, Mentions of "Columbine School Shooting", Panic attacks, Sexual Jokes, and Light Swearing*

I am unsure as to how long I have been sat here, all I know is that with each minute I grow more scared and more confused. Since my discovery of what “Columbine” is, I have been sat on the couch in the main room, all ideas of getting something to eat and watching TV have gone and replaced with research on this topic. The similarities between my dream and this shooting are eerie. For most people, for me to explain this to them, many people will believe that this dream was caused by late night research on this topic, but the thing is I have never heard of this before. This is the first time I am hearing of it, but my dream makes it seem like I am some sort of enthusiast on it. 

There are at least four major similarities between my dream and the case of “Columbine” that I have counted so far. The first one would be there were two people who pulled the trigger, two boys named Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold in the real thing, and then myself and another version of myself as well. The second would be the amount of people who I killed along with my clone, thirteen died in the real thing and thirteen were killed in my dream. The third would be the guns we were given, after a bit of research I realised the guns were shotguns and in the real case two types of shotguns were used. The four would be the ending, in the real case both boys committed suicide through a gun shot to the head and that is how my clone and I both ended in the dream. Somethings don’t match up with the actual case exactly. 

In the real case, twenty-four were injured, but in my dream only four were, but that could be due to the fact the only people in my dream were the members of NCT and there isn’t enough people to have twenty-four injured. Another difference would be the fact explosives were involved in the real case, but in my dream, I don’t recall any explosives. There were also knives apparently used in the real case, but my memory of the dream doesn’t have any knives in it. Other small things like there being more than two guns, and the fact it wasn’t set in a high school are different from the reality and my dream, but never the less this whole situation has me pretty freaked. 

I am so immersed in the research of this case, eyes glued to my phone, reading over news reports, articles, and internet pages about the case, that I don’t notice the members if NCT Dream come back in. They all come in quietly, probably expecting me to be asleep. There is Renjun, Jeno, Haechan, Jaemin, and Jisung. The five of them walk in quietly, speaking to each other in hushed whispers. They all stop when they notice me on the couch, curled up with my eyes trailing down my phone.   
“Chenle-ah?” Renjun calls out to me, scaring me to the point of dropping my phone and letting out a small scream. 

“Whoa you ok?” Jeno cries, rushing up to me after my scare. 

“I-I,” I try and look for the words in Korean, but can’t find them.

“Chenle-ah? What’s wrong, why are you so spooked?” Renjun asks softly, coming up next to Jeno to kneel in front of me. 

“I’m fine,” I finally squeak out in Chinese, my brain not being able to find the words in Korean at this point in time, “I am just a little unsettled is all. I had another dream.”

“What is he saying?” Jisung blurts out in confusion.

Renjun doesn’t answer him.

“What was your dream about?” Renjun asks softly in Chinese, his face full of worry. 

“It was just,” I swallow thickly, “I dreamt you all died, and that I killed you.”

“Oh Chenle,” Renjun sighs, jumping in and pulling me in for a hug, “Oh Chenle it is okay, we’re all still here.”

I sigh softly, pushing back tears, and hug him back. The two of us are so focused on our hug that we don’t notice Jaemin pick up my discarded phone and scroll through the article I was reading.

“Hey Chenle-ah,” He calls to me in Korean, “What’s this?”

He holds my phone out to me, an old news article of the shooting is shown, words all translated to Chinese making him unable to read it. I serge of panic pulses through my body, and I rip my phone from his grasp. 

“No” Is all I am able to yell in Korean. 

I have no idea why, but the idea of them finding out about my googling of “Columbine” scares me. I am lucky Jaemin can’t read Hanzi, but if Renjun sees, he will definitely know what I was googling. Unfortunately, my reaction just strikes suspicion in the other guys. 

“What were you googling, porn or something?” Haechan laughs at me, but I am unsure as to what he asked as I do not know the translation to the word “Porn”. 

Renjun seems to know though. 

“HAECHAN HE IS ONLY SEVENTEEN!” Renjun screams at Haechan, a phrase I know the translation to and am very familiar with. 

“Yeah, seventeen, prime time for this stuff,” Haechan laughs, lightening the mood of room greatly with these simple jokes. 

“I swear to god you better not be googling porn Haechan,” Jeno groans, covering his face with his hand as he groans out that word I don’t understand. 

“I mean he might be, that might be why the shower is so gross and Haechan-Hyung takes long showers,” Jisung snickers cheekily causing Jaemin to laugh, Renjun to yell in disgust, and Haechan to try and defend himself. 

“Shut up Jisung-ah,” Haechan snaps grumpily, “Like you would know anything about this, you’re just a kid.”

“Well at least I don’t let one out in the shower,” Jisung retorts, smirking evilly. 

I now slowly piece together the meaning behind what they are all saying. 

“HAECHAN MASTURBATES IN THE SHOWER!” I scream out in Chinese as I don’t know the Korean word for it, “THAT IS DISGUSTING WE ALL USE THAT THING!”

“Are you happy now,” Renjun snaps at the rest of the boys, “He now just got what you all are talking about.”

All of them, minus Renjun, burst into laughter. 

“Alright that is enough!” Renjun yells at them all, “We came home to check to see if Chenle was dead not to talking about Haechan’s masturbation addiction and people watching porn!”

“Well I am not dead yet,” I smile, finally finding the Korean words so I am able to communicate with the others. 

“Clearly,” Jeno laughs at me, standing up from where he was crouched in front of where I sit.

“Anyways,” Renjun sighs, still crouched in front of me, “Moving aside from all this talk of immature stuff that I would expect Haechan to be old enough to not joke about, how are you feeling?”

“Fine I guess,” I mutter out in Korean, now choosing to speak the language now that my mind is clear, “Kun-Hyung made me check my temperature when I talked to him and I think it has gone down.”

“That’s good,” Renjun smiles at me, reaching up to feel my forehead, “What did you use to check your temperature with? I though we didn’t have a thermometer or anything.”

“We have one,” I inform Renjun, pushing his hand away from my head, “Taeyong-Hyung bought it when Jaemin-Hyung came back to the dorms. He apparently bought a lot of first-aid things as there is a whole box full of that stuff in the bathroom.”

“Sounds like Taeyong-Hyung,” Jisung snorts from the other end of the couch, flopping down onto it as he is now tired of standing. 

“Wait why when I came back?” Jaemin asks all confused. 

“Because you’re crippled, and we need to help the crippled,” Jeno snorts, shoving Jaemin lightly. 

“Hey, rude,” Jaemin huffs at Jeno, shoving him back. 

“How about instead of fighting,” Renjun growls at the two, “One of you goes and finds the thermometer Chenle was talking about. He still feels a bit warm and I want to check what his temperature is.”

Just at those words, Renjun has Jeno, Jaemin, and even Haechan scrabbling out of the room in search of the thermometer. Jisung remains where he is on the couch, only this time on his phone scrolling through something. 

“Idiots,” Renjun laughs to himself, which in turn makes me smile. 

“Hey Renjun?” I ask softly, speaking in Chinese as I don’t want Jisung to know what I am saying, “What happened?”

“What do you mean?” Renjun asks, switching to Chinese as I do. 

“Why am I at the dorm?” I clarify, “Like what happened to have me be brought back here? I asked Sicheng, but he said that he doesn’t fully know. All I know from him is that I threw up on Mark then passed out. What happened to have that happen, as I know people don’t just randomly throw up and then black out without at least some form of warning.”

“You don’t remember any of that?” Renjun’s voice shakes as he speaks, “Chenle, how do you not remember? It was terrifying.”

“But what happened?” I whine, annoyed I am not getting an answer. 

“I don’t fully know what happened to cause that,” Renjun tells me, “But I can tell you as much as I know. Basically, I was chasing you around after you swore at me, and I guess something about it triggered something in your mind, because you stopped running and just started screaming. Mark and I tried to calm you down, but when you stopped screaming you just mumbled something about the dream you had last night then threw up everywhere. After you stopped throwing up, you mutter stuff about you dream in Chinese then passed out. It was rather terrifying.”

“Oh,” Is all I manage to say. 

I now know what he is talking about, and remembering that dream would cause me to throw up. It was absolutely disgusting. That was the thing about the first dream, thinking about it makes me feel sick due to the horrific nature of the final thing I saw, whereas the second dream just makes me feel a little creeped out as it is clearly based off a mass shooting I have never heard of before. I have sneaking suspicion that I will have another dream next time I close my eyes. I feel like this next dream will cause utter and pure terror in me. 

“We found the thermometer!” Jaemin cheers as he enters the room almost five minutes after he left to look for it. 

“What took you so long?” Jisung scoffs, not looking up from his phone. 

“We were trying to prove that Haechan jerks off in the shower,” Jeno laughs, shoving Haechan lightly as he does so. 

“Please tell me you didn’t go poking around at the drain,” Renjun groans in Korean, turning away from me to look at the other four boys in the room.

“I didn’t,” Jeno clarifies, “But Jaemin did.”

“There was definitely left over fun times in there,” Jaemin snorts loudly. 

“Disgusting Jaemin,” Renjun gags, “Go wash your hands with boiling water, and you better not have touched that thermometer or we will have to chuck it.”

“Don’t worry,” Jeno smirks, “I made sure Jaemin and Haechan didn’t touch it.”

Jeno walks over to us and hands Renjun the thermometer. 

“I still don’t understand why you are so disgusted by this,” Haechan rolls his eyes, flopping down next to Jisung, “It is a natural thing and to be honest, how can you be so sure it was me who left it there? Jisung and Chenle are both younger and in their prime. Those two are more likely to let one off in the shower.”

“Why are you always attacking me?” Jisung groans, finally looking away from his phone, “Anyways, like you said, I am younger, therefore still a child and we all know children don’t do this sort of stuff.”

“OK THAT IS ENOUGH!” Renjun yells, fed up with all this sexual talk, “HAECHAN NO MORE TALK ABOUT THIS, JISUNG-AH YOU ARE NOT A CHILD WE HAVE ALL HEARD YOU AT LEAST ONCE, AND JAEMIN GO WASH YOUR HANDS YOU HAVEN’T EVEN MOVED!”

We all are silent, well all except for Jaemin who squeaks and runs off to the bathroom to do as he is told. 

“Now Chenle-ah,” Renjun huffs turning to me, “Open your mouth and let me put this in.”

Haechan snorts and goes to open his mouth, but is abruptly cut off by a very angry Renjun. 

“Lee Donghyuk I swear to god if you make another sexual reference I with personally throw you off the roof of the SM building next time we are there, I am not even joking.”

Haechan’s mouth snaps shut in record speed. The only time Renjun uses our real full names is when he is dead serious. 

“Now Chenle-ah,” He sighs, holding out the thermometer to me, “Put this in your mouth before I snap.”

I open my mouth quickly, allowing Renjun to slip the device under my tongue. 

“Now, no talking and keep that under there for a minute,” Renjun tells me, standing up, “I will come back to press the button.”

“Wait where are you going?” Jeno asks confused.

“Toilet,” Renjun states bluntly before walking off. 

“Wash your hands,” Jaemin sneers as he walks past Renjun on his way back to the main room.

Renjun sticks out a leg, tripping Jaemin as he walks past. That is two girly screams from Jaemin today, let’s see if we can make it three. 

“Aw look at you, acting like a good child,” Jaemin laughs as he sees me sitting there with a thermometer sticking out of my mouth.

I can’t verbally respond due to the thermometer, so I settle for a cold hard glare. 

“Cute,” Jisung smirks at me.

“Shut up I am older!” I blurt out in a lisp, trying very hard to keep the thermometer in my mouth. 

“No talking Chenle-ah,” I hear Renjun yell from down the hall.

How in the world did he hear me? He better not be yelling at me while he is on the toilet.

“Yeah Chenle-ah,” Jisung sneers, “No talking.”

I glare at him hard until Renjun returns. 

“Stop glaring and keep this in your mouth,” Renjun says, pressing the button on the thermometer with a soft beep.

Once the button is pressed, we all just kind of sit there in silence, not sure about what to do or say. To be honest, Renjun is pretty pissed off with us right now and none of us feel like getting beat up today, so silence is key. 

“38.9,” Renjun reads out once the thermometer beeps, “That is pretty high. Higher than I am comfortable with.”

“Oh, it is gone up a degree,” I mutter out softly, “It was 37.9 when I checked it last.”

“Well it isn’t good,” Renjun mutters, “I am calling Hyung, see what he says.”

“Wait which Hyung,” Jeno asks, suddenly, “Don’t call Doyoung-Hyung, he is so boring.”

“Shut up Jeno,” Renjun snaps, taking his phone out of his pocket, “You are the only person who is boring in NCT.”

“But who are you calling?” Jisung asks, “If you are calling Kun-Hyung tell him to make us food when he gets home.”

“I am calling Taeil-Hyung,” Renjun glares at Jisung, “He is the oldest and has the most knowledge on this sort of stuff.”

And with that, Taeil is called up and asked to come home. 

“Taeyong-Hyung and Johnny-Hyung are coming back as well,” Renjun tells us once he ends the call, “They are all pretty worried about Chenle.”

At this point, I can’t be bothered to listen to what the others have to say, my mind is elsewhere. I can’t stop think about that dream and the fact I have an apparent fever. I want to look more into the real case of “Columbine”, but I can’t with everyone around, and when the Hyungs get here there will be no way to. With a fever this high, Taeil won’t let me out of his sight, not even to blink. I saw how he was when Jaemin was dealing with his back problems, I can at least be grateful that I just have a fever and not a possibly permanent injury. The thing is though, I don’t even feel feverish. No chills, no searing heat, no nausea, no nothing. I feel fine. 

“How are you feeling Chenle-ah?” Jeno ask. 

“Fine,” I respond, not really sure what I can say to how I am feeling. 

“Just fine?” Jeno questions, sounding like he doesn’t believe me. 

“Well,” I begin, unsure of how to say what I am feeling, “I don’t feel sick at all. No cold or hot flashes, I am not nauseous at all, no aches or pains, I feel fine, almost like I am not sick at all.”

Everyone in the room gives me a concerned look. 

“Are you sure Chenle-ah?” Renjun asks, sounding very skeptical, “Your fever is pretty high, so you should be feeling a bit off.”

“No, I feel fine,” I answer.

“Let’s just wait till the Hyungs get here ok,” Jaemin tells us, trying to calm the others, “They will be able to see if Chenle’s really fine or not.”

“But I am,” I mutter softly. 

This whole day has been confusing and rather terrifying. I am forgetting things, I have had two nightmares in the one day, threw up a lot, had a panic attack, and now have an apparent fever that has no effect on me what so ever. All of this has happened in less than 24-hours, and to be honest, I am pretty freaked out. Part of me tells me that this is nothing, that I am just sick from being over worked and I will be fine in a day or two, but a bigger part of me is screaming that what I am feeling is just the beginning of something much worse. God, I hope I am wrong. 

“Are you sure you are feeling okay Chenle-ah?” Haechan asks nervously, “You are looking really pale.”

“I am fine,” I blurt out, growing quite anxious as the time goes on. 

“You can tell us if you aren’t,” Haechan assures me gently, “We won’t be upset or anything.”

“I am fine,” I repeat, my hands slowly starting to tingle. 

Oh fuck, I think I am going to have another panic attack. No, no, no, not now, not with everyone here. 

“Chenle, what is wrong?” Renjun asks, switching to Chinese as a form of comfort I guess. 

I have no idea why, but hearing those words sends me over the edge. My breathing constricts like it did before and by body starts to tingle with the sense of pins and needles. I start to hyperventilate and my whole-body shakes. I hear the others start yelling in shock, unsure of what is happening. I hear them yelling my name over and over, asking what is wrong, what is happening, but I can’t respond. My mind starts racing with thoughts of my previous dreams, thoughts of death, thoughts of pure terror. My mind is so caught up in freaking out over everything, that I miss Taeyong, Taeil, and Johnny entering. 

“CHENLE-AH!” Taeyong screams once he sees me, running up to me, “CHENLE-AH CALM DOWN, YOU’RE OKAY, JUST BREATH!”

His yelling just makes more panicked and I feel my vision blur. 

“TAEYONG-AH DON’T YELL AT HIM!” Taeil screams at Taeyong, pushing him away and sitting in front of me, “Chenle-ah, it is okay, everything is okay, just breath. You are alright, you are safe. You are in your dorm, Taeyong, Johnny, Renjun, Jeno, Jaemin, Haechan, Jisung, and I are all here with you. You are okay, you are safe. Nothing can hurt you. Now, breath with me, come on now, nice and easy.”

I flinch lightly as Taeil grabs my hand and pulls it towards his chest. 

“Feel my breathing, feel my heart beat,” He ask as he hold my hand to his chest, “I want you to try and match that. Easy now, just nice and easy. In and out. That’s it, in and out. One deep breath in, one long breath out. In through your nose, out through your mouth. Nice and easy, in time with me. Let’s go, in, and out, in, and out, in, and out. There you go. Keep going, in, and out.”

I slowly am able to match my breathing with Taeil, calming down and allowing my body to relax to the point of where I feel almost floaty. 

“You back with us now Chenle-ah?” Taeil asks softly after a minute. 

I nod lightly before I burst into tears. This is the second time in less than 24-hours I have spontaneously burst into tears. 

“It’s okay, you’re okay,” Taeil whispers to me softly, pulling me in for a warm hug.

I cling to his shirt, crying harshly into his shoulder.

“I-I am so-so scared,” I sob brokenly into Taeil’s shoulder. 

“Why is that Chenle-ah?” He whispers to me. 

I am surprised I am able to still speak in Korean at this point, but I am glad I can. 

“I-I kill-killed you all,” I sob loudly, “I-I shot you-you all, you-you all died.”

“Did you have another dream?” Johnny asks, speaking up for the first time since he arrived. 

I nod, sobbing loudly. 

“I think it is this fever causing them Chenle-ah,” Taeyong whispers to me softly, “I know that a high fever can cause nightmares.”

“It probably is this fever,” Johnny agreed, rubbing my back gently. 

“No-no,” I sob out, shaking my head, “It-it can’t be. They-they are too-too real.”

“Shush,” Taeil sooths me, “I know the dreams felt real, but they aren’t. You are okay, it is probably just the fever messing with you. Speaking of which, have anyone given Chenle any fever reducer?”

“No, we didn’t know what to give him,” Renjun informs the Hyungs.

“Ok, I’ll go grab him something,” Johnny sighs, getting up and walking off in search of a fever reducer. 

“Can someone pass me the thermometer?” Taeil asks once Johnny leaves, “I want to see if his fever has gone up or not.”

I am unsure as to who passes the thermometer to Taeil, all I know is that less than a second later it is poking out my mouth as Taeil nudges my mouth open. I let the thermometer slide in to my mouth, resting under my tongue, and allow my tears and sobs to slow. 

“Keep that under your tongue for a bit,” Taeil informs me, not letting me go from his warm hug.

I lie there in Taeil’s arms, letting my mind whirl with thought of my dreams. I really want to continue looking at the case of “Columbine” and I am going to look at the case of “Black Dahlia” after that to compare similarities. I want to know how similar my dream was to the real case as while I know about it, I don’t know to much. All I really know about “Black Dahlia” is the name and that some woman was killed, that is about it. I don’t care what the others say, these dreams are too real to be fever dreams. There has to be something more, I know there is. 

I feel Taeil press the button on the thermometer and I hear Johnny re-enter the room. No one says anything as we wait for the thermometer to beep. The only noise heard in the room is my soft sniffles and the rustling of clothes as Taeil wipes away my never-ending tears. 

“39.0,” Taeil reads out once the thermometer beeps, “It has gone up a point of a degree.” 

“Well I found some fever reducer,” Johnny announces, handing the tray of pills to Taeil. 

“Thanks Johnny-ah,” Taeil smiles at him, taking the pills from him, “Hey Chenle-ah, ca you take two of these for me, they will help lower your fever.”  
I don’t answer, I just turn my head to Taeil and open my mouth, allowing him to pop two pills in there. Once he does, I swallow them dry, not needing any water due to how salivated my mouth gets when I cry. 

“Good boy,” Taeil whispers to me, hugging my tighter once again. 

I can only nod, tears still flowing from my eyes, and hope that I am left alone soon. I want to finish find out about these murders and their similarities to my dream.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this is up later than usual, one of my teachers had organised a singing lesson for me today (Which went terribly and i won't be doing again) and it was after school hours so i didn't get home till later. I also had to fix this chapter up a bit when i got home as for some reason a whole big section was missing and i couldn't think of what i originally wrote, so you got all that joking around about masturbation (Apologies). I will try and get next week's chapter up sooner, but there is no promise to that. 
> 
> Anyways, i have to now go as i need to finish my English home work and start my Maths assignment (Kill me why did i choose to do Maths), but before i go, I would like to let you know i have a short story uploaded which is an NCT based story. It is not edited, and i wrote it later at night, but it is based of the song The Kids Aren't Alright by The Offspring, so feel free to check it out. Once again thank you all so much for all the comments, kudos, and views, and i will post again next week. 
> 
> Bye!


	7. Excitement

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Warnings, no warnings for this chapter.*

“Hyung I am fine, trust me,” I whine for the hundredth time to Taeyong, “My fever is down, and I have been able to eat and keep down dinner, I am fine.”

Ever since Renjun called Taeil, Johnny, and Taeyong back home, Taeyong hasn’t left me alone. Johnny left once my fever went down, and Taeil left after seeing I was able to stomach food, Taeyong is still yet to leave. He is insisting that he stay at the dorm tonight to make sure I am okay, but I don’t want him to. I just want to finish my research on the “Columbine” case and start my research on the “Black Dahlia” one. I have been able to though as Taeyong won’t leave me alone, so I can. I swear to god I will stay up all night trying to get Taeyong to leave if it means I can google the murder cases in peace. 

“Chenle-yah I am just worried for you,” Taeyong sighs, still hugging me on the couch, “You were very sick this morning and your fever has only just gone down.”

“Yeah and to keep it down I need sleep,” I rebut, squirming in his hold, “I can’t sleep with you hovering over me. Go back to your dorm, I will be fine. The rest of Dream will look out for me.”

“I don’t know if I can trust them though,” Taeyong mutters, tightening his hold on my squirming torso. 

“Renjun-Hyung called you when he thought my fever was too high.”

“And Jaemin suck his hand in the drain to play with the muck in it.”

I groan loudly. Taeyong has been informed of the disgusting revelation about the shower, and how it is apparently Haechan’s fault that is so gross, by a very distraught and horrified Jisung. When Jisung told Taeyong about it, he left out no detail, including the fact Jaemin apparently touched the drain. Taeyong, as expected, is horrified by this and is now ordering us to not only clean the bathroom, but ask the managers for a new shower drain and bleach so Taeyong can bleach Jaemin’s hands clean. Like hell we are asking the managers for that. 

“Come on Hyung,” I whine again, “That was just Jaemin-Hyung, he is one person. Renjun-Hyung and Jeno-Hyung will take care of me, Mark too if he stays with us tonight.”

“But Renjun and Jeno don’t share a room with you, they won’t be able to help if you are in your room and they are in theirs’,” Taeyong points out, making it hard for me to fight him on this. 

“But Haechan-Hyung and Mark-Hyung share with me, they will help me,” I try, finally escaping Taeyong’s hold only to be pulled back right after.

“Yes, they do, but what if Mark sleeps at NCT U’s dorm or NCT 127’s dorm tonight, plus you didn’t originally mention Haechan being of any help, which indicates to me Haechan won’t help you when you need help,” Taeyong tells me, his voice laced with an almost smug tone. 

I feel like crying. Why won’t he just leave? 

“Hyung,” I whine out for a final time, the sense of tears leaking into my voice. 

Taeyong sighs heavily, pulling me even closer to him, hugging me close. 

“I am just worried Chenle-yah,” He whispers to me, stroking my hair, “You seemed so sick this morning, I just-I was scared. When we were told you were carried home unconscious after throwing up on Mark, I demanded that I be taken to you, so I could make sure you were okay. When I was told no, I was so angry, and so scared for you. Now to hear that you woke up alone after another nightmare, that you were so scared that you called one of the Chinese members as you were too panicked to speak in Korean, it just-it upsets me to know you had to suffer in fear like that. You had a panic attack when I entered the dorm with Taeil-Hyung and Johnny. I don’t want to leave you alone, so this can happen again.”

It is now my turn to sigh heavily. I can’t help but feel guilty as I sit here, being hugged by Taeyong. He just wants to help me and make sure I am okay, but I keep pushing him away. 

“I know Hyung,” I whisper, my head leaning on his shoulder, “But I don’t want you to stay here, sleeping on the couch because I felt I little unwell this morning.”

“Chenle-yah,” Taeyong sounds like he wants to cry. 

“Hyung please. If you stay, and if I do end up sick, which I won’t as I feel fine, the most likely thing to happen is you trying to help me, but we all know that when I am upset I forget all Korean and just speak Chinese, so you will talk to me in Korean, I will get confused, I will get upset, and everything will just get worse. It is easier for you to go back to your dorm. The other Dream members will let you know if anything happens.”

Taeyong looks at me, a sort of pain coating his face. The pain of being rejected. 

“Okay,” He finally agrees after a minute of silence, “But I am going to make sure Mark stays here tonight. I don’t care what he says, I don’t trust Haechan on his own to keep an eye for you.”

I let out a little laugh, pulling away for Taeyong.

“So, does this mean you are going back to your dorm now?” I ask, trying so hard not to sound cheerful. 

“Yes it does you brat,” Taeyong smirks, finally letting me go. 

I laugh lightly, jumping up from the couch. Taeyong follows shortly after. 

“Okay,” Taeyong tells me, standing in front of me, “I am going to go, but you have to promise me that you will get a lot of sleep, and call me if anything happens, or get one of your Hyungs to. Also, no staying up looking at things on your phone, I know you aren’t one to do that, but I know you and Jisung did that recently, and as far as I am concerned, what you were looking at that night had a connection to the first dream. You have a fever right now, which is triggering your dreams, so no more scary things being looked at on your, or Jisung’s, or anyone’s phone, got it?”

I shiver slightly, as yes, my dream of “Black Dahlia” was caused by late night research with Jisung for his novel. I still need to finish my research on it myself. I’ll do that once Taeyong leaves.

“Yes Hyung,” I smile, trying to hide the fact I am lying. 

Taeyong smiles back at me, so I guess I passed with the lie. 

“Okay,” He smiles, “Now when I go, you better get some sleep, and don’t worry about setting an alarm. Tomorrow is a school day for you kids, but you won’t be going to school. You need at least twenty-four-hours between throwing up and going outside to make sure you aren’t contagious, and since you threw up around eleven, you won’t be free of germs by then.”

I stand there dumbly, nodding, but not fully understanding what he is saying. The words he used were big and I don’t understand the translation for them. I got the gist of it though, I am not going to school tomorrow. 

“So, does that mean I am staying home?” I ask, just to make sure.

“Yes.”

I can’t help but feel excited. If I don’t finish all my research tonight, that means I have all day tomorrow to do it. 

“I am going to go now,” Taeyong announces, fuelling my excitement, “Try and get some sleep. I am going to send Mark over, and Haechan if he went back to my dorm with Johnny or Taeil-Hyung. Even though I don’t fully trust him, I want him here with you just in case.”

“Okay Hyung,” I try very hard to hide my excitement.

“Be good and call me if you feel sick again.”

And with that, Taeyong turns and leaves, leaving me standing alone in the main room. As soon as the door clicks shut, and I hear his footsteps leave down the hall, I rush over to the coffee table where my phone lays. I grab my phone and run into my shared room. Haechan isn’t here, so that must mean he is either at 127’s dorm or hanging out with Renjun, Jeno, Jisung, or Jaemin. Either way, I have the room to myself. Perfect. Time to get this research underway. I hope I can stay awake though.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this is so short. I was going to write more, but everything has just been kind of hectic, and yeah. School sucks, I start work experience soon, i have doctor appointments coming up, which i am really nervous for, and my parents are trying to get me away from my phone and computer and do stuff with them. Sorry, but i will try and make next chapter longer, but it depends on what i decide on for the next chapter. 
> 
> Anyways, sorry again for the short chapter, and thank you all so much for commenting, viewing, or leaving a kudos on this story. I will have another chapter out next week, and hopefully it will be longer and maybe a bit more exciting.
> 
> Bye!
> 
> (P.S, i found out i was using the wrong honorific, it is Chenle-YAH not Chenle-AH, so sorry about that.)


	8. Lizzie Borden

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Warnings, mentions of the "Lizzie Borden" murder case, death, blood, and swearing.*

My eyes open to black. Oh god. Oh fuck. I am back. Back in this god forsaking hellhole of a place. I have only had two dreams in this area, but they never end good. Why, why am I here? I don’t even remember falling asleep. The last thing I remember is sitting up in bed, I was looking at the “Black Dahlia” case, and then that’s it. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. I can’t be here. I don’t want to be here. I am stood up this time, stood straight up, looking straight ahead. Straight ahead to what I assume will lead me to doom. I can feel the same force as before trying to pull me forward towards, what has the past two times, led me to the black figure. Once I reach the figure, I can only assume hear that haunting voice call out some phrase or something. A phrase that is linked to some murder case. I can’t deal with that again. I can’t deal with waking up screaming and in fear. It has happened twice before, not again. 

I turn away from the force and run. I run away from the force. I am hoping to just run from it forever, until I am woken by someone. The only good thing about these dreams is that I am aware. These dreams are lucid dreams, so I am at least able to make my own choices in them. As I run from the force, I feel it grow stronger, almost like there is a rope tied to my waist and the more I run the stronger the tension grows. I feel as though I am suffocating from it. As I run, my breath shortens, and my lungs tightens. I turn my head around as I run to see if there is anything holding on to me. Nothing. Before I can turn my head back around, I smack into something. Something solid. 

“Lizzie Borden.”

The voice, it is back. I look up. The figure is back, and this time, it resembles Taeyong. 

“No.”

I whisper, shaking in fear. I ran from the force, how is it here? I jump up, running away immediately. I don’t give the figure a chance to touch me, to do anything. I just run. I will not have this dream end like the last two. 

“Lizzie Borden.”

Despite the fact I am running away, the voice still echoes around the room as if it was playing through an empty ballroom. I hear footsteps echoing behind me as well, but slowly, as if the person is walking, not running. I don’t care, I will not give that thing a chance to catch up with me. 

“Lizzie Borden.”

The voice is starting to grow more aggressive and more frantic. Things are starting to heat up. The footsteps speed up and with that, so do I. I can feel I will not win this, but if I drag it out, then maybe I will be woken before anything to bad can happen. Maybe I am rolling around in my bed right now, and maybe even talking. If that is the case, Haechan or Mark might hear me and wake me up. But then again, what if they aren’t in our room? I didn’t see either or them come in, and in fact I never heard the dorm front door open at all. Maybe they didn’t follow Taeyong’s request and stayed out of the Dream dorm. Oh god. If that is the case, I may just have to suffer through this. God, I hope it is close to morning, then I will be woken by someone. 

“Lizzie Borden.”

I feel a presence behind me, and I can’t help but scream. I am terrified now. I don’t want to know what this “Lizzie Borden” is and I don’t want to find out this way. From what I can gather, “Lizzie Borden” is an English name, and I only assume that due to the fact I have heard Johnny mention his friend Lizzie from when he was in America. “Borden” could be a place or the family name, I am unsure, but I really don’t want to know at this point in time. 

“LIZZIE BORDEN!”

Something grabs my shoulder, and in my fear, I spin around, hitting it. The thing is, I hit whatever grabbed me with an axe I did not have before. I have no idea where the axe came from, but I don’t care, I just keep smacking the thing with it, not bothering to stop and think, may be this is all part of the dream. 

“LIZZIE BORDEN!” 

I stop hitting the figure and look down at it. My stomach drops. 

“Mu-mum.”

I stutter out. The hacked corpse of my mother is lying at my feet, blood gushing from her head. Her head looks to be smashed in almost, blood flowing from the open gash in the side of her head and the almost gapping hole in the back of her head. 

“LIZZIE BORDEN!”

I ignore the voice. I can’t believe it. I just killed my mother. She is dead. I turn away from the corpse of my mother, unable to face her anymore. Off in the distance, sitting on seemly nothing is my father. Does he not see that I just axe murdered his wife, my mother? I walk over to him, to see if he is really there or not. I slowly reach my father noticing that he is there. Tears burning in my eyes at the thought of finally seeing him again. I haven’t seen my parents since last year at Easter time, so to see even just my dad again, even if it is just a dream, brings tears to my eyes. I miss him. He is asleep on the couch. He looks so peaceful. I just want to curl up with him and sleep, but I can’t.

“LIZZIE BORDEN!”

The voice screams out that name again, jolting me away from my wishes of seeing my family. My father morphs into the same black, Taeyong-like figure from before. I scream in terror and rage. A year since I have seen my father, and this bastard takes it away from me. Without thinking, I raise the axe and slam it down into where a face should be. I do it again and again, hoping to kill this fucked up figure. I lose count of how many times the axe reaches the figure, but by the time I clear my mind and look back at it, I feel my stomach drop. 

“LIZZIE BORDEN!”

As those two words echo out across the area, my head clears, and I now see what I have done. Much like my mother, my father has been axed murdered by me. His face hacked to pieces, his eye cut cleanly in two. Blood pours from his face, the gashes making him unrecognisable as a human. I can’t believe it. I look down at myself, blood coats the clothes I am wearing. Deep inside, I can’t seem to care. In fact, this is funny. I try to run from the dream, I try everything to avoid this, but would you look at me now. I have axed murdered my parents and am now covered in their blood. I burst out laughing. Loud, dolphin like laughs fill the whole area, echoing off the empty space. 

“Lizzie Borden.”

The voice is no longer screaming but I am to hysterical to take to much note of it. I am laughing so hard I fall over. I just killed my mother and father, and all I can do is laugh. As I laugh, I feel myself panic, I feel my self grow sick. What have I done? Dream or not, what I have done is murder. This bothers me more than the last dream, as with the dream of “Columbine” it isn’t officially confirmed that I killed NCT. There was another me there with a gun, and as far as I am concerned, I only fired that gun once. Once to kill myself. This time around, I don’t feel like killing myself to end this dream. 

As I lie on the floor, hysterical, I notice I am still coated in blood. The blood of my parents coats my white attire and makes me feel dirty. Without thinking, I start stripping myself of the clothing. I am still laughing, still hysterical over what is happening, but I am able to remove the clothing. I am left in a white pair of briefs, my sweater, pants, and socks cast aside. All of those items are covered in blood. As I look at the items of clothing, I watch them slowly catch fire, burning away and turning into ash. I have no idea what is going on at this point, all I know is that I want to wake up, so let me wake. 

“Lizzie Borden.” 

With that, I feel myself slip away from this world of horror and gore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so I got home earlier today and so i was able to upload sooner than i normally would, yay! Anyways, again, sorry for the short chapter, but i did have a longer chapter planned, but cut it. I originally planned a chapter of just Chenle going through information on "Black Dahlia" and "Columbine', but i felt that it was a quite a bland chapter and that i was just writing out what different Wikipedia and News articles said on the matters. Also, since there was a school shooting in Texas on the weekend, i felt like the talk of a school shooting would be a little inappropriate. My thoughts and prayers go out to the families, friends, and victims who all suffered in the shooting. 
> 
> Anyways, as always, thank you all so much for leaving a comment, kudos, or just view the story. Knowing that people like what i write motivates me to right more, so thank you. I will be back next week with a longer chapter, and i am again sorry for the shortness of this chapter. 
> 
> Bye!


	9. Homesickness

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Warnings, mentions of swearing and homesickness.*

High pitched laughter is what I awake to. Squeaky laughs of hysteria that leave me breathless. It seems that the laughter from my dream is still here and I am the cause. I am finally awake from that dream, and unlike the last two times where I woke up in a very violent manner, this time I wake completely calm expect for the hysterical laughter. I can’t seem to stop laughing though. No matter how hard I try, my dolphin pitched laughs just keep pouring out of me. It is like when you hear a funny joke or when you watch a funny video and you can’t stop laughing. I feel like that right now, only nothing is funny. Dreaming of murdering your parents is not something humorous, it is terrifying. What the hell is wrong with my head to be having these dreams? Still laughing, I turn my head to face across the room where Mark, Haechan, and my bookshelf is. On the bookshelf is our alarm clock, which will tell me the time. My laughter is really loud, yet no one has come to check on me yet, so I want to know what time it is. 

“11:47AM.”

That explains it. Everyone will be at school, well everyone besides Mark. Mark is most likely hanging out with Lucas or something, which would explain his absence. Damn I have slept in, it is nearly 12PM. I wonder why no one has come to wake me? Maybe they are all at practice and forgot to? No, on days when we have it scheduled that we will go to school, we don’t have practice. Well sometimes NCT U will have practice as all their members aren’t in school anymore, but that is only like a small portion of NCT. If NCT U did have practice today, Taeyong would have forced someone to stay here I my dorm in case I woke up and needed something. Actually, he wouldn’t even need to force someone to come. Johnny and Taeil would normally be here regardless of if it was request or not. When one of the youngers, like myself, fall ill everyone older than them freaks. So why is no one here?

Slowly I feel my laughter begin to die down. My stomach is aching, my head is growing dizzy, and the whole situation I am in is creeping me out. My biggest question at the moment is, is “Lizzie Borden” real or not? If it is real, is it like my dream? I have already had two dreams similar to this new “Lizzie Borden” one, so will I have more? All these thoughts and questions are just swirling in my mind as my body calms down from the laughter. 

“Hell,” I whisper in Chinese to myself as the laughter dies out.

I push my body up from my bed and look around the room. The room is lit by the light seeping from behind the curtains of the window, located next to my bed. Nothing seems really out of the ordinary in here. Haechan’s bed is unmade, hinting at the fact he did indeed sleep here last night, but Mark’s bed below looks to be unused and made nicely, indicating he maybe did not sleep here last night. The room seems messier than usual, with clothes thrown around everywhere and the door to the small, shared, walk-in wardrobe hanging wide open, but that isn’t to unusual for a school day morning. It probably just means Haechan could find his uniform and took to throwing things around till he found it. It’s okay though, it’ll all be cleaned by tonight as Haechan has a habit to make a mess then clean it up a few hours later. That is just how he rolls. Well, that’s how he rolls when it comes to everything other than the bathroom. Someone should really clean that. 

I push myself out of bed, stretching as I stand up. Damn I am never sleeping that long ever again. Taeyong left around 8:30PM and I must have fell asleep around 10PM, so I have slept for over twelve hours. Never again. I get the whole thing about having a good night sleep and everything, but the thing is when I sleep too much I just wake up feeling tired and shitty. I am glad I am not at school today. It is Monday, and Mondays are the worst for me, and I am not just saying that. I have double Maths first, then Korean for one period after our first lunch, Science after Korean, then second lunch, followed Sociology and P.E. I suck at school, mainly because I don’t understand much of the Korean language. I have lived in the country for around three years now, but I still have trouble figuring out whether my Sociology teacher is saying “Factory” or “Farm” when talking about the way people have evolved from farming to using factories to do their work. Don’t even get me started on when she talks about “Factory-Farming”, that just makes everything ten times more confusing. 

After my little ponder of school and how much I hate Sociology, I walk out of my shared bedroom. My laughter has died down, giving my stomach a chance to rest, and now it is growling for food. My mouth waters at the thought of having some breakfast. A nice fried egg would be amazing right now. Fried egg drenched in soya-sauce. My stomach growls louder at the idea of it. I waste no time in rushing to the kitchen for my beloved eggs. With food being the only thing on my mind, all thoughts of my previous dream have gone out the window. I am at that stage of my life where I can really only focus at one thing at a time, so it isn’t really much of a surprise I forgot about my dream in exchange for something that’ll bring me a maximum of ten minutes happiness. I am a simple boy, a simple but happy boy when it comes to food. I hope there are eggs here. If there aren’t any, I will just nick some for either NCT U or NCT 127. Probably NCT 127. Despite there being more people in the NCT 127 dorm, Lucas is in the NCT U dorms and he eats enough to feed all of us. Any eggs there are probably long gone. 

“Eggs, eggs, eggs,” I chant, almost drunkenly, to myself as I open the fridge. 

I scan the fridge for my beloved choice of food. In the fridge there is milk, left over rice, some weird lump in tinfoil that I do not want to know the contents of, some apple juice, an empty glass which looks to be dirty, and a large container of kimchi at the back. No eggs. I slam the fridge door close. I am so pissed. 

“Why does everyone in this godforsaken dorm eat all the eggs?” I rant to myself in Chinese, out loud, “I swear to god, I am going to make it a rule that people can only have two eggs a day, that way I can have some eggs. Who was it this time? I bet it was Jisung, or maybe Jeno. Yeah, Jeno. He eats as much as Lucas sometimes. That little bitch ate my eggs and now I have no eggs, I swear to all things holy that when he gets home I will-oh, never mind, the eggs are just here.”

I stop my rant as I notice the egg carton sitting on the bench, six eggs still remaining in the original twelve pack. I guess whoever last had the eggs didn’t put them away. I know I shouldn’t eat eggs that have probably been sat out on the bench for a few hour, but I got myself so worked up over the thought of having eggs, I am going to eat them. It’ll probably be a lot better to just walk out of my dorm and down the hall to the 127 dorms for fresh eggs, but screw it, I am hungry, and I am making my eggs now. 

“Eggs, eggs, eggs,” I begin chanting to myself in Chinese again. 

I grab the dirty pan from the sink, not bothering to even give it a bit of a rinse off, before I put it down on the stove, coating it in oil and turning the stove on. To be honest, whenever I cook eggs, or anything in general, I have no idea what is am doing. I am still better than Mark, but whatever I cook always comes out slightly burnt or runny. I don’t really care though. As long as I can eat it, it is good enough. I crack my eggs into, the now hot, pan, jumping back slightly as oil starts to spit everywhere. I don’t know how to fix that, so I just stand a few feet back, gingerly poking the eggs with a dirty spatula I found next to the stove. These eggs probably won’t turn out great, but hey, nothing a little soya-sauce can’t fix. 

I poke at the eggs softly, slightly flipping the sides of them, for another few minutes before I deem them good enough and switch the stove off. Once the stove is off, and I move the pan from the hot hotplate, the spitting of the oil slowly stops. I look into the pan at my eggs and see that the middle is still slightly runny, but I don’t care. I am hungry, and these eggs look good enough. Not bothering with a plate, I take the pan with the eggs down to the table, grabbing a fork from the cutlery draw as I go. The soya-sauce is still on the table from the previous nights before, again, probably shouldn’t use it as it is old and now one ever puts it back in the fridge after opening it, but I don’t care. I sit down in my usual seat at the table, grabbing the soya-sauce and drenching my eggs in it. There are burnt bits of someone else’s breakfast stuck to the bottom of the pan, but like I said before, nothing a little soya-sauce can’t fix. With my eggs drowning in the soya-sauce, I pick my fork up and begin to devour my eggs. Never in my life have eggs tasted this good. After throwing up yesterday and having very little to eat, these two fried, runny, and slightly burnt, eggs taste like heaven. I am so hungry I find myself even scraping the burnt bits off the bottom of the pan. I stop after a few bites as I realise that it tastes so bad I might just throw up again. 

With my eggs gone, and my stomach now feeling fuller, I can allow my mind to drift back to the dream I had last night. I sit there in my chair, staring at the dirty pan and fork in front of me, my mind thinking of the dream. In the dream, I tried, and failed, to run from it, the figure resembled Taeyong, I killed my parents, laughed hysterically, burnt my clothes, and then casually left the dream as I sat on the floor near the dead remains of my parents, laughing like a maniac. Fun. Oh and the creepy voice kept screaming out “Lizzie Borden”, something I am clueless as to what it is. My big questions now are, what is “Lizzie Borden”, what does the figure in my dreams mean, why am I having these dreams, and why do they leave me feeling absolutely creeped out and terrified? 

“Lizzie Borden,” I whisper to myself, testing out how it sounds on my tongue. 

The pronunciation of the words is completely off, sounding more like “Leh-ss-eh Board-eh-mm” rather than “Li-zz-ie B-or-den”. Besides the pronunciation, the words are just complete odd. I have only ever heard “Lizzie” and that’s it. The words are completely as foreign as “Columbine”, as I can at least determine “Lizzie Borden” must be a name, but it is still really odd. The only dream I have had so far that has some familiarity to me is the “Black Dahlia” one, even then that one was way to similar to the actual murder case. I didn’t know too much about “Black Dahlia” before I dreamt about it, only know that it is the name given to an American murder case, but the dream I had about it was so similar to the actual you would think I spent a lot of time researching it. Same goes for the “Columbine” dream, and probably my most recent dream, the “Lizzie Borden” dream, only I had no knowledge of them before the dreams. Actually, I still don’t know if “Lizzie Borden” is a real thing or not. 

“Lizzie Borden, Lizzie Borden, Lizzie Borden,” I slowly begin to chant, enunciating each letter as if I was speaking English and referring back to the memory of my dream.

I stand up, my chanting still continuing on, and slowly carry my dishes to the sink. I place them in the sink, debating on whether or not to wash them before I turn and head back to my shared room. Renjun will probably do them when he gets back from school with the others. If not, Haechan will and if he doesn’t, Jeno and Jaemin will probably complain the Jisung does nothing and get him too. I know I won’t be made to in fear of either contaminating them if I am still sick or getting yelled at by one of the more caring Hyungs for making me do work while sick. I walk quickly, chanting “Lizzie Borden” still, eager to get to my shared room to check to see if “Lizzie Borden” is a real thing or not. I reach my shared room fairly quickly, running to my bed as soon as I do. I don’t know where my phone is, but since I fell asleep with it, it should be maybe under my bed or twisted in the sheets somewhere. I search the sheets first, tossing them around carelessly, hoping to feel a bump of something hard or hear the sound of something hard hitting the floor. No luck. I groan slightly, my chanting stopping. My phone must be under my bed then, great. 

“It better be here,” I mutter to myself in Chinese, crouching down under my bed to look for it. 

Under my bed is a mess. You have some old food wrappers scattering the dusty carpet, my school bag from last year shoved in the top right corner, a scooter laying in the center, and my smaller travel suitcase sitting off to the left. Along with all that there seems to be many dead cockroaches and moths, as well as other bugs I am unable to identify, but no phone. Where is it? I stand up, moving away from my bed and looking around the room. 

“You have to be kidding,” I groan, looking at my bedside table.

There, on the edge of it, is my phone. I guess Haechan or someone must have put it there last night when I was asleep. Wait, if someone put it there, does that mean they could have seen what I was last searching? No, no I would have felt someone take my phone if that was the case. My phone automatically shuts off after five minutes of inactivity, so if anyone were to take my phone during that five minutes, I would have felt it. Unless I was dead asleep. Impossible, I never fall asleep that quickly, and anyways, I would have heard someone come in. It is impossible to fall into a deep sleep within five minutes of closing your eyes. No one could have seen the screen. I shake my head clear of my thoughts, grabbing my phone and logging into it immediately. As soon as my phone boots up, showing my home-screen, I go to Siri. 

“Lizzie Borden,” I call into my phone once Siri is activated. 

My pronunciation was off, but Siri, bless this technology, was able to decipher what I was trying to ask for. Many articles popped up for “Lizzie Borden”, but all I seen is that, yes “Lizzie Borden” is a real person, a suspected murderer. I feel myself grow panicked, the same feeling I had yesterday before I had a panic attack. No, not again. I shut off my phone, throwing it down onto my bed. With quicker breaths, I rush out of the room, back into the kitchen. 

“Calm down,” I tell myself, the familiar Chinese words doing nothing to calm me, “Just don’t think about it.” 

It isn’t working. No matter how hard I try, I can’t seem to calm myself down. What the fuck is happening? I need to get my mind off it. To get my mind of the whole “Lizzie Borden” thing, I did the first thing I could think of to distract my mind. I ran over to the sink and began to remove everything from it. I know it is dumb but doing something as simple as cleaning the dishes will help distract me for a bit. I start to load all the dirty dishes onto the bench space next to the sink. I began arranging them from cleanest to dirtiest. Plates stacked on plates, cups side by side, pots and pans stacked towards the back. It starts to work. I feel myself focus on the task at hand rather than the thoughts of “Lizzie Borden”. I don’t even if my dream has much relevance to the actual case, but I know at this point in time, I don’t want to find out. I just want to get these dishes washed. 

I fill the sink with hot water, not to hot that it’ll burn me, but hot enough to remove and dirt and germs from the dishes. The liquid soap in next. Once the soap is added, the sink begins to foam and froth with it. A sort of sweet lemon scent fills the air around me. Once the sink if full, I turn the tap off, pulling on the gloves we use for dish washing and grabbing the sponge used to scrub the dishes clean. I start with the cups, cleaning away greasy lip marks, milk streaks, and smudge fingerprints. I put the tall smoothie glasses to the back of the que with the pans and some of the dirtier plates. Those smoothie glasses are always full of left over green stuff from those weird health smoothies Jaemin makes. They taste disgusting, so I don’t know why he and Jeno always drink them. I smirk to myself lightly at the thought of the two. With all the cups clean and on the drying rack, I move on to the cutlery. I clean the chopsticks first, wiping away left-over bits of meals and saliva. I swear on the end of one of them there was the contents of someone’s nose. I am going to blame Renjun for that one. Believe it or not, Renjun likes to stick his cutlery where it shouldn’t be. The amount of times he has been caught with a fork in his ear is too many to count. He seriously has no control. When he first got his lingual braces he broke the wire shoving a chopstick behind them. That didn’t stop him from doing it again though, now he just more careful when he does. 

“What is the joy of shoving a fork or spoon or whatever in your ear anyways?” I mutter curiously to myself. 

I am tempted to try it myself but decide not to. I don’t feel like cleaning my earwax of a fork. I instead move off cutlery, it is all cleaned now anyways, and I move onto the plates and bowls. Some of them are dirtier than others, so I start with the cleanest, working my way up to the more grime covered ones. It was a trick my mum taught me when I was still in China. When washing dishes always start with the cleaner ones then move up to the ones covered in more dirt, grease, and grime. If you do that your water will stay cleaner for longer and won’t dirty up your other dishes when you try and clean them. 

“Mum,” I whisper to myself, my heart starting to ache. 

I stop cleaning the bowl I was cleaning. I haven’t thought of my parents for a while, and frankly, I miss them, a lot. An overwhelming sense of homesickness washes over me. It is the same type of homesickness I got when I just came to Korea when I was fourteen. I was fresh out of China, scared and confused. I could speak barely any Korean and a lot of the time just wished to go home. I remember praying that NCT Dream would fail so I could go back to my parents. That sense of homesickness is back. I feel no longer sixteen, but I feel like that same scared fourteen-year-old. I want to go home. I step away from the sink, dropping the bowl and sponge into the murky water. My eyes burn with tears. I want to go home. I want to see my parents again. I don’t want to be here anymore. I don’t want to be a part of NCT anymore. I just want to be a normal kid who goes to school five days a week, comes home to loving parents, hangs out with friends on the weekend, goes on holidays during breaks and doesn’t have to worry about stage fright, memorising complex dances, training their vocals, and all other things that come with being an idol. I don’t want to be here. 

I run away from the sink, back down the hall to my shared room for the second time in the last hour. That’s another thing, I don’t want to have to share a room anymore. I know that Haechan and Mark sometimes won’t be there, but I don’t care. I want my own room, in my own house, not in a dorm full of seven other boys, with dorms of people surrounding us. By now tears are running down my face. I don’t care. Once in my shared room, I grab my phone again, only this time, it isn’t to google some horrific murder case, it is to call my parents. I push in the passcode, clicking out of the “Lizzie Borden” search page as soon as I am in. I don’t want to deal with that now. I want my parents. I scroll through my phone, searching through tear blurred eyes for my mum’s contact. My mum is more likely to answer as my dad will probably be at work now. He never answers his phone during work, but my mum will literally pause a war she started to answer my call for a few minutes. She will answer. Within just three rings, she does. 

“Hello Chenle!” My mum exclaims happily, her soft voice pushes me over the edge. 

“Mum,” I sob into the speaker of my phone, unable to hold my sobs back any longer. 

“Chenle, Chenle what’s wrong?” She now sounds worried. 

“I-I want to-to go ho-home,” I sob brokenly, my heart painful with how homesick I am. 

“Lele,” She sighs sympathetically, “Whatever is happening will be fine, you will be fine.”

“No I won’t!” I sob loudly, curling up on my bed holding my phone to my right ear. 

“Lele, tell me what is going on. You haven’t called me this upset for a while now, what happened? Did something happen during practice, a concert? Is there a new kid picking on you? What happened Lele?”

“I-I am having ba-bad dreams.”

The phone is silent for a while. For a brief moment I feel like my mum hung up on me. 

“Can you describe these dreams to me Chenle?” My mum asks after a minute of silence, her voice soft and calming. 

“Every-everyone keeps dying,” I sob, my tears showing no signs of letting up, “In the first-first one, I died. My-my body was split in two-two from the waist. In the second one the-there was me and-and another me. We-we shot every-everyone then shot our-ourselves. In the third and-and last one-one I killed you and-and dad. I killed you with an-an axe.”

My sobs have now grown louder. I want my mum here with me, hugging me, telling me everything will be okay. I don’t want to her on the phone, 2117 kilometres away.

“Lele,” She whispers, “Lele, has anything triggered these dreams?”

“Tae-Taeyong says it was a-a fever but-but I had one last-last night and I did-didn’t have a fever the-then.”

“Did you have a fever before?”

“Yes. I had a fever and-and I was vomit-vomiting.” 

“Oh baby.”

My heart constricts. My mum hasn’t called me baby in a long time. Since I left for Korea in fact.

“I want to-to go home.” 

“Baby, I will call your managers and see what I can do.”

The relief I felt was immense. I was going home. 

“But,” Her voice cut through my relief like a butcher’s knife, “I can’t guarantee anything.” 

“Please mum,” I sob louder, curling up on myself more, “I do-don’t want to be an idol any-anymore. I want to go-go home.”

“We both know that isn’t true,” I can hear her sympathetic smile in her voice, “You love being an idol, and I know for a fact if you quit this you would be very sad.”

I don’t say anything. I just sob softly through the phone. 

“I will try and see if I can get you to come back to China for a bit or to see if your father and I can come to you,” She tells me softly, “But for now, I want you to talk to your members when you feel bad, they will help you. I know you are homesick, but don’t let that stop you from doing what you love. I love you Chenle.”

“I love you too Mum,” My voice cracks at the last word.

“Are you feeling any better?”

“I do-don’t know.”

“Well what can I do to make you sure, other than bring you home right now?”

I don’t think before I speak, but I don’t great what I say in response.

“Tell me a story.”

There is no laughter, no criticism, no taunting from the other end, just kind words full of love. 

“Ok Lele,” My mum whispers affectionately, “I’ll tell you a story.”

I push my phone closer to my ear, still lying on my side as now silent tears roll down my cheeks. I may not be able to see my parents right now, but hearing the voice of my mother is enough for me at the moment. I lie on my left side, listening to my mum tell me an old fairy-tale through my right ear for god knows how long. I allow myself to get lost in her voice, my mind painting visual pictures for the story. In this time, all my worries and fears are gone, my homesickness is still slightly there, but the voice of my mum is keeping it at bay. That is all that matters to me right now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so it is like nearly 8PM here. Sorry. I would have uploaded sooner if i could, but i unfortunately didn't have this chapter finished and i wanted it to be a long chapter, so i had to write the rest of it and make it longer as the past two chapters have been quite short and i wanted to make up for that. Unfortunately my typing was slow as on Monday i broke my finger when i smacked way to hard on the edge of drums, and writing is a bit slow for me with just one hand. Upside, now i can flip people off and not get in trouble as my middle finger is in a brace of sorts and i can't bend it. 
> 
> Anyways, thank you all as always for commenting, viewing, and/or leaving a kudos on this story, it is great to know people actually enjoy this mess of a story. That is all for now, but i will upload again next week, hopefully sooner than today, sorry again.
> 
> Bye!


	10. Questions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Warnings, mentions of homesickness and light swearing.*

Two hours. That is how long it’s been since I heard my mother’s voice. It isn’t that long, but with me being homesick, it feels like two years since I last heard it. She had been telling me childhood stories, fairy-tales she read to me when I was young, for nearly an hour before she had to go. While she would stop anything just to talk to me, she does have to let things start to go again otherwise people get mad, so she has to leave me eventually. The idea of my mother leaving me brought a sick feeling to my stomach as flashes of my dream ran through my mind. I don’t want my parents to die, especially not at the hands of me. I hope that dream never comes reality for me. I hope it remains a dream brought up by my scared mind. Oh god, the panic feeling is returning. 

“Breath in and out,” I whisper to myself in my native language, “Think of something else.”

I think back to what I was doing before I called my mum. I was washing the dishes. Crap, I completely forgot about that. Well the water is now going to be all cold and gross, so I can’t continue washing dishes in it. Damn, I just wasted a lot of water. If someone asks, I will just say I started cleaning them and then felt sick, so I had a little lie down and fell asleep, forgetting about it. That way no one can get made at me. Wait, not, if I say that then they may worry. Ugh. Maybe I could just get up and finish the dishes? I mean that does sound like a better idea, plus it will help me get my mind off things. Yeah, I could clean the dishes, the kitchen as well, listen to a little music while I do it, maybe sing along and dance along as well. That will definitely take my mind off things. But doing all that means getting up, and right now I feel too sad to move. Maybe not then. 

My thoughts are stopped by the sound of keys jiggling in the front door. No one should be home, should they? It isn’t 4PM, so unless someone is coming home early, they should all still be in school. Renjun, Jeno, Haechan, Jaemin, and Jisung that is. The rest of NCT don’t go to school anymore, but still, who would be coming here anyways? It is, I look at the clock across the room briefly, it is 2:48PM. If someone was going to check on me today they would have come earlier in the day, so they can decide on whether or not they should stay with me for the day or leave me. Why is someone coming now?

“Chenle-yah?”

It is Jaehyun. What is Jaehyun doing here? Normally if someone checks on the members of NCT Dream when their sick it is Johnny, Taeyong, or Doyoung, well Doyoung only cares for Jeno but minor details. Why is Jaehyun here though? Not that I am complaining, I love Jaehyun, it is just a bit odd. 

“Chenle-yah where are you?” I hear him call out through the mostly empty dorm, “Chenle-yah why is the sink full of gross water and the dishes are only half washed up.”

Ok so he is in the kitchen now. I like that he checks the kitchen before my shared room. He knows me so well. 

“Chenle-yah, you in here?”

Wow, does he not take a minute to think maybe I am not answering because I am asleep. I mean, I am not asleep but still, he could at least use his brain to think I am.

“There you are!” He exclaims happily once he enters my room, seeing me on my bed. 

I want to respond, tell him hi and maybe smile at him, but I don’t. I can’t. The sickening homesickness is still so deep within me, buried in my very core, that I can’t bring myself to even look him in the eye. Jaehyun may not be smart enough to think I am not responding because I am asleep, but he is smart enough to see when something is wrong. 

“Chenle-yah, what’s wrong?” Jaehyun asks, walking over to my bed and leaning down to get to my level. 

I don’t respond. Should I tell him I am really homesick? What if he asks why? I can’t tell him it is because of that dream, he will get concerned, and probably mad at me because he thinks I am googling these things and am just lying about it to stay out of trouble. Why is this so difficult?

“Chenle-yah, hey, why are you crying?”

Oh great, tears are rolling down my cheeks for the second time today. Maybe I should just tell him, make up some lie so I don’t have to admit my dream.   
“I’m homesick,” I whisper out, my tears still rolling down my face. 

I expect him to ask why, to tell me everything is okay, maybe laugh at me a little, but he doesn’t. 

“It’s okay,” Jaehyun whispers to me, “I am too.”

I look up at him with glassy eyes in shock. Why is he homesick? I thought when you became an adult you just stopped getting homesick. Well, not really but like I never expected someone like Jaehyun to get homesick. He always seems so strong, so happy, so confident. Hearing him admit to being homesick is like hear Haechan admit he loves Mark, unbelievable. 

“I know you have way more reason to be homesick,” He smiles softly at me, reaching up to stroke my hair, “Hell, you are over a thousand kilometres away from your family and you are only just a kid. At your age I could have never imagined doing something like that. I am lucky as my family live in Seoul, just in a different part, but you, your family lives in China, it is just, wow. Chenle-yah, I am surprised it has taken you this long to have another homesickness crash.”

I go numb at Jaehyun words. Does he really mean all that? My tears don’t slow at his words, but instead roll out of my eyes faster. God, why do I have to be this emotional? I try to hold back my tears, lifting an unused arm to push them back, but it doesn’t work. No matter how hard I try, I can’t stop my tears. 

“It is okay to cry Lele,” Jaehyun tells me, hand still running through my hair. 

Lele. That nickname always fills me with a warm fuzzy feeling. It is what my parents called me when I was a kid, and NCT ended up picking up one it when they all first met my parents. I remember we were all backstage after our first concert, my parents had come to cheer me on and met up with us backstage after. It was my dad who first let the nickname slip, saying it when he was talking about how proud I had made him. The others all thought the nickname was cute and say how much joy it brought me when I was called it so they all joined in. It is times like now that I am glad they did. Just hearing that nickname makes me feel better. I can’t explain it, but that nickname, the effect it has on me is great as it always seems to cheer me up somewhat. Now is no exception. 

With the nickname and the okay to cry, the floodgates are open once again and this time, there is no mum’s voice to close them, only Jaehyun. Once I start to cry openly, Jaehyun stands up from the floor, sitting down on the bed and scooping me into his arms. He holds me there in his arms, just hugging me and allowing me to calm down on my own. Now I remember why I called him my favourite Hyung a few months back. It wasn’t just to piss Doyoung and Yuta off, well partly, but also because in times like these he is. He is always seen as so brave, so confident, always happy, and always up for a laugh, but in reality, he is actually really sensitive when he needs to be. I don’t mean sensitive to himself, I mean sensitive to others around him. If someone is upset, like I am now, he will do everything he can to make them feel better, even if it means just sitting there with that person for an eternity while they cry a wet, snotty patch on their white shirt. Sorry Jaehyun.   
“You feel any better Lele?” Jaehyun asks me once my tears have slowed. 

I nod slightly against his shoulder where my head rests. It is true, after crying, again, I do feel a bit better. The fact someone is actually here to hold me and comfort me helps. God, Jaehyun is such a blessing. 

“That’s good,” I hear him tell me, the sympathetic smile he is wearing leaks through his voice. 

“Sorry,” I end up muttering against his shirt as a response. 

“Hey, no need to be sorry,” Jaehyun chuckles lightly, “But I think you will be sorry if you don’t clean up those dishes. I know for a fact Haechan and Renjun will have your head.” 

I can’t help but laugh lightly at that. Jaehyun does have a point there. 

“Now, what do you say to going out and washing the rest of those dishes?” Jaehyun asks me, bouncing me in his arms slightly as if I am a kid. 

“Only if you wash and I dry,” I croak out, shoving him away with a soft smile. 

“Deal.”

Jaehyun jumps up from my bed, grabbing my arm and pulling me up with him. 

“This room is really messy,” Jaehyun comments, looking around the room I share with mild disgust. 

“Yeah, blame Haechan for that,” I laugh, my hand coming up to wipe the rest of the tears from my face. 

Jaehyun notices my action.

“How about I got get the sink ready and you go wash your face? The staff will be really annoyed if you leave your face covered in tears and get pimples from it.”

I wrinkle my nose up in disbelief. 

“You can’t get pimples from tears.”

Jaehyun laughs loudly at my statement.

“How would you know? Are you an expert on pimples and tears? Maybe you should leave your face wet with tears then if you know you won’t get pimples from it.”

I know Jaehyun is messing with me, but deep down I don’t want to take that risk. Idol or not, I would never want to have just a constant stream of pimples coating my face. 

“Fine I will wash my face, only because it feels gross, not because I am going to get pimples if I don’t.”

Jaehyun just laughs again, waving me off. I laugh along with him. What can I say, he is a happy-virus, his laugh is contagious. 

“Whatever you say Lele.”

I poke my tongue out at him childishly, my homesickness disappearing almost completely. It is funny how something as small and as simple as being teased my Hyung can make me feel enormously better. Together, Jaehyun and I exit the room I share, Jaehyun continuing down the hall, turning right to enter the kitchen at the end of it, and myself continuing straight down the hall to the bathroom at the very end of it. 

“Meet me in the kitchen when you are done okay,” Jaehyun tells me just as he turns to got to the kitchen. 

I hum my agreement as he goes, heading straight into the bathroom. As always, the bathroom looks disgusting. Someone should seriously clean it. As I enter, I close the door, using this small amount of privacy caused by the door to go to the toilet, as I haven’t done that today surprisingly, and to wash my face clean of any remaining tears. I do all these tasks fairly quickly, in a short time frame of maybe three minutes. Once done, I exit the bathroom and make my way to the kitchen where Jaehyun stands. He is stood in front of the sink, the tap on pouring fresh water into the sink, bubbles nearly overflowing over the edge. I wonder if he realises?  
“Hyung,” I call out, gaining the attention of Jaehyun.

“Yeah Chenle-yah?” He asks, smiling at me.

“The sink is going to spill,” I tell him, pointing to the sink he is currently stood in front of. 

“Nah it is fine,” Jaehyun laughs, brushing of the mount of bubbles in the sink, “It won’t overflow.”

I roll my eyes, choosing to ignore the sink. If it overflows, that is his fault and he will be cleaning it up. I walk over to the sink, standing to the right of Jaehyun where the drying rack is. 

“So are we going to wash up now?” I ask, turning to face Jaehyun. 

He is still staring into the overfilled sink. What a weirdo. 

“Yeah,” He agrees, finally turning the sink off. 

I roll my eyes at him again, grabbing the dishtowel that is sitting next to the sink, ready to dry up some dishes. Jaehyun sees me ready, and decides to start to wash up. He doesn’t bother with the gloves, just grabs the first plate in the que I made earlier and dumps it into the suds. The process now begins. Jaehyun washes something and I dry it. It is a good process, quicker than if I was to do it myself, it is just kind of quiet. Neither of us are talking. 

“So Chenle,” Jaehyun says suddenly, breaking the silence, “How are you feeling, sickness wise.”

I completely forgot I am meant to be sick. 

“Oh I feel fine,” I say happily, glad I no longer am throwing up or have a fever.

Even though I didn’t feel sick at all, it is nice to know that now no one will be bothering me to see how I am doing. 

“That’s good,” Jaehyun congratulates, “It must have only been a twenty-four-hour thing.”

“Yeah,” I say, wiping dry yet another plate and placing it on the pile I have made. 

“Any dreams?” Jaehyun asks casually and I almost freeze. 

Do I tell him I had another? I mean, if he asks what it is about, and I say “Lizzie Borden” he might understand and get concerned or angry. He lived in America for four years, so I won’t put it past him to be able to easily google what “Lizzie Borden” is should he need to. He would most likely think I googled it myself and got scared, so had a dream about it. 

“Chenle-yah?” 

Oh shit I never respond.

“Chenle-yah, did you have any dreams?” He asks, pausing his washing up to look at me with concern. 

“Oh-Um, no, no I didn’t have any dreams. Like Taeyong-Hyung said, they were probably just fever dreams and now that my fever is gone, not dreams,” I lie, smiling, but from the look on Jaehyun’s face, I know I haven’t fooled him. 

“You know Chenle-yah,” Jaehyun tells me, going back to cleaning the last of the dirty dishes, “You can tell me anything, I won’t judge or get upset.”

“I know,” I mumble, looking down at the small pot I am now trying to dry. 

“Well since you know, let me ask again,” Jaehyun says, his voice hinting a tone of authority I rarely hear in him, “Did you have any dreams last night?”

Part of me wants to tell him the truth, but a bigger part of me screams no. 

“No, I did not have any dreams last night Jaehyun-Hyung.”

Jaehyun sighs deeply. I know I should told him the truth, but I won’t. I can’t. He would never understand. All conversation dies after my answer, and so we go back to washing the dishes up in silence. Unlike before, I don’t mind, because this silence means he isn’t asking me any questions, and when he isn’t asking me questions, there is no way for him to get an answer. 

I don’t want him to get an answer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I like that last time i said i would upload earlier and i upload like thirty minutes later than last week. Last week i uploaded around 8PM in my country and this week i am uploading around 8:30PM. Whoops. I have no excuse other than plain laziness. Sorry. Maybe next week i will upload at a reasonable time? Hopefully? Probably not? Sorry. 
> 
> Anyways, this chapter was inspired by a lovely comment on the last chapter (Chapter nine, Homesickness) requesting to see an interaction between Jaehyun and Chenle. I thought it was a good idea so i put it in the chapter. Also, if you guys have any requests for a interaction between Chenle and another member of NCT, feel free to let me know. ALSO, i am thinking about replying to some of the comments left on this story now. I kn ow i don't get many on this story, which is fine, but some of the comments are so nice and i want to say something in response, giving that person a personal thank you rather than just thanking you in the notes. If you don't want me to respond to your comment, please let me know in your comment and i will respect your wishes. If you do then that is also fine and i will try to respond to it. 
> 
> Thank you all again for leaving a comment, kudos, and viewing this story, it still amazes me that even a tiny amount of people view and read this story. I will try and upload earlier next week (No promises) and i hope you all enjoy the rest of your week. 
> 
> Bye!


	11. Screaming

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Warnings, mentions of semi-attempted murder, psychotic behavior, and swearing.*

It is official, I hate Jaehyun. Well not really, but he is highly irritating. The reason why the sink was so full of water and bubbles, was so he could throw it all at me when we finish washing the dishes. Disgusting. 

“JAEHYUN!” I scream once the water hits me, dropping formalities in this disgusting situation.

“SORRY CHENLE-YAH, I COULDN’T HELP MYSELF!” Jaehyun howls back, laughing hysterically as he leans over the sink full of dirty water, “It is just-.”

He finishes his sentence by flinging more of the filthy sink water at me. 

“STOP!” I yell in anger, wiping my face down with my sleeve. 

I get more water to my face. 

“HYUNG I AM SERIOUS!”

Splash, more soap suds full of gross stuff to my face. Something inside me snaps. That is it. 

“I AM GOING TO KILL YOU!” I scream in Chinese, to angry for Korean. 

Jaehyun looks at me confused before I lunge at him, shoving his head into the sink. Take that Jaehyun. I watch him thrash around as I hold his head down, water spilling over the edge of the sink onto the floor. Perfect. Let him suffer for this. 

“STOP SPLASHING ME!” I yell, still speaking in Chinese, as I pull him up from the water. 

He pulls away from me, soaked from head to shoulders, coughing harshly, bits of burnt food and soggy crumbs hang from his hair. The sight seems hilarious to me right now.

“CHENLE-YAH WHAT THE HELL?!” He screams at me, looking absolutely livid. 

Oops. Maybe I shouldn’t have done that. Jaehyun actually looks really angry. What am I saying, of course I should have done it, I should have held him down longer actually. 

“THAT WAS REALLY DANGEROUS! WHY DID YOU DO THAT?!” Jaehyun continues to yell loudly, shaking the water from his head and picking off the bits of food. 

“WELL YOU KEPT SPLASHING ME WITH THE GROSS WATER!” I protest in Chinese, my brain not able to process the correct Korean pronunciation. 

“WHAT?!” Jaehyun yells at, I have never seen him this angry, “ZHONG CHENLE IF YOU ARE CURSING ME IN CHINESE I WILL BE SURE TO MAKE SURE YOU DON’T GET AWAY WITH IT!” 

“NO!” Is all I manage to yell and even then, my anger stunted the pronunciation of it. 

“NO?! DID YOU JUST TELL ME NO?!” Jaehyun is fuming now. 

The worst thing in the whole ordeal is that I don’t feel guilty. That feeling I had in my latest dream about “Lizzie Borden” is now consuming me. I almost want to laugh. I don’t care that I basically tried to drown Jung Jaehyun in the sink. I don’t care. I find it funny. I kind of want to do it again. 

“ARE YOU LISTENING TO ME?!” Jaehyun screams, walking closer to me, shaking in anger. 

Do I dare speak my mind? I do.

“Fuck off,” I mutter out in Korean so Jaehyun understands, smirking at his reaction. 

What is going on? This isn’t like me, but why do I feel so compelled to continue.

“Excuse me?” Jaehyun whispers darkly, no longer yelling but the danger is still there in his voice. 

“I said, fuck off.”

What is wrong with me? 

“That’s it.”

Before I can react, Jaehyun grabs my arm roughly, dragging me out of the kitchen and down the hall. 

“Let go of me,” I try and protest in Chinese, trying to push his hand off me. 

My struggles are futile as before I know it, he is pulling me into my room. He is not about to lock me in my room like some five-year-old, is he? Oh my god, he is. Well I ain’t having it. Without thinking, I lean down to where his hand rests just below my right elbow, and bite it. I bite it hard. He lets go with a yelp of pain. 

“Did you just bite me?” He growls, looking at me with mild disgust, holding his wounded hand close to his chest. 

I laugh. Not like a sarcastic laugh or my normal cheery laugh, no. I laugh like I laughed when I woke up this morning. Wow, three nightmares and I have already lost it. Nice. 

“What is wrong with you?” Jaehyun now looks scared, eyes wide in fear, all anger and disgust leaving his face. 

I feel like I am still dreaming. There is no way I would ever do something like this. Why do I feel the need to laugh like this? Why do I want to bite Jaehyun again and make him bleed? Why do I feel like watching Jaehyun’s lifeless body fall to the floor? That last thought terrifies me. I stop laughing. My laughter replaced with terrified sobs. I feel myself start to panic, worse than ever before. What is happening to me?

“Oh god,” Jaehyun whispers, backing away from me in fear, “What is happening to you.”

I don’t respond because not even I know the answer to that. I feel myself fall deeper into panic gasping for air. I reach out to Jaehyun for help, but receive none. In complete fear, Jaehyun runs out of the room, slamming the door shut behind him. I rush to the door, the urge to chase after him is strong. I go to open the door, but fall back when I doesn’t open. Jaehyun is leaning against the door, keeping me in. 

“PLEASE!” I scream in Chinese, growing claustrophobic as the seconds tick by, “PLEASE HELP ME! LET ME OUT! PLEASE!” 

I hear soft murmurings on the other side of the door. Jaehyun is talking to someone. 

“Please, Hyung, help me I don’t know what happened to him,” I hear Jaehyun tell someone shakily. 

He sounds so scared. Did I really scare him that much? I keep listening, but hear no response. He has called someone. He is so scared that he called one of the Hyungs to help. Oh god what have I done. I curl up where I lie on the floor, in front of the door, my eyes slipping shut, not to reopen for a long time. I can still hear the soft, scared voice of Jaehyun through the door, but it all becomes a blur in my head. I can hear the pound of my heart, the heavy sobs of my breath, and voice outside the door. It all becomes to much for me. I loss it. Well, more than I already have. Still lying on my side, I open my mouth and let out the loudest, terrified scream I could manage. I continue like that. Sobbing, screaming, and occasionally smashing my head against the door in hopes to be let out. Never in my life have I felt this scared, this broken. 

What the hell is happening? 

“Please help me,” I whisper out in Chinese amongst my screams and sobs, feeling more terrified than any other time in my life. 

After an amount of time I am unsure of how long of constant screams and sobs, my screams die out, my throat and lungs no longer able to keep up with the screams. I feel my whole body relax as the tension left me like a spirit leaving a body. My screams have now completely died out, but my sobs remain. They aren’t as strong as before, but they are there. Fat tears still roll down my cheeks and loud breath sobs still leave my chest, but at least I am no longer screaming. 

“Chenle-yah?” The voice of Johnny floats through the closed door, “Chenle-yah, we are coming in.”

Did Jaehyun call Johnny for help? What does Johnny mean by ‘we’? Is Jaehyun coming back in here? 

“Chenle-yah?” Johnny calls out, slowly opening the door. 

I refuse to open my eyes.

“Chenle-yah?" Yuta is the one to call my name now, his voice sound scared by fear I caused him.

The thought of me causing fear makes me curl up on myself further, my sobs now growing louder. 

“Chenle,” Kun calls, signalling he is here. 

I curl away from his voice slightly, sobbing louder into my knees. 

“Chenle, what is happening?” Kun asks me in Chinese, understanding that in times of great stress I find Korean hard. 

“No,” I all I sob out in Chinese as a response. 

“No?” Kun repeats, “What do you mean by no?”

No one has touched me yet, and for once, I am grateful for the lack of skin-ship. I feel like if someone were to touch mem I would lash out and attack them. Maybe they aren’t touching me because Jaehyun told them what happened when he touched me? Oh god, Jaehyun. I bite him. I tried to drown him. Oh my god, what have I done? 

“Chenle,” Kun calls out softly when I don’t respond, “What do you mean by no?”

I start screaming again. Louder and more panicked this time. I lash out in anger, making a grab from Kun. 

“KUN-AH GET BACK!” Yuta yells, grabbing Kun by the scruff of his collar and pulling him back. 

I miss him. Good thing too. I feel like I would hurt him if I got him.

“SOMEONE CALL THE MANAGERS!” I hear Taeyong scream in panic as I thrash on the floor. 

“FUCK THAT SOMEONE CALL EMERGENCY SERVICES!” Johnny screams over my screams of anguish, “WHAT IS HAPPENING NOW IS NOT NORMAL!” 

I thrash around on the floor in pain, screaming. The pain I feel is not physical, but more mental. It is like the pain you get when you grieve the loss of a loved one, or the pain people get when the reach their end and are right about to end it all. The kind of depressive mental pain that can’t be explained only felt. That is the pain I am feeling right now, and it is making me feel sick. Please, someone end it. Someone, please, stop my pain. I don’t care if you have to kill me, just stop it. 

“CHENLE!” Someone yells, but right now my brain won’t process who it is. 

It sounds like a manager, but it can’t be. If it was a manager, then I would have had to be lying here screaming for around ten to thirty minutes for him to arrive. I am pretty sure I haven’t been screaming on the floor for that long. 

“HAS SOMEONE CALL EMERGENCY HELP?!” The same voice screams. 

Maybe a manager is here? Maybe I have been screaming for that long? Wow, how have I not lost my voice yet?

“I DID, THEY ARE ON THEIR WAY NOW!” I recognise that voice to be Ten.

When did Ten get here? He sounds so scared, almost like he is crying actually. Oh no, have I made Ten cry? 

“NO DON’T TOUCH HIM!” I hear Jaehyun scream, milliseconds before an unwanted hand touches my shoulder. 

I freak out, the touch almost burning. I lash out, biting, scratching, kicking, anything really, at the air around me, hoping to ward off the unwanted touch. The touch disappears, and a scream of fear fills the air amongst my endless ones. I am unsuccessful in hitting anything or anyone, but I am successful in getting the touch away.

“IN HERE!” I hear Ten yell once again, but this time I am unsure to who the words are for. 

Rapid footsteps close in on the area, smacking against the hardwood floors of the dorm. They don’t take long to reach me. 

“EVERYONE GET BACK!” An unknown voice yells, and this is a voice I defiantly do not recognise. 

The unfamiliar voice scares me so bad that my screams increase alongside my sobs. I sense a figure approach. I try and squirm away from it, but firm hands appear, holding me down. I scream even louder with is somehow possible. I begin to thrash wildly, biting at the air and kicking around. I don’t want to be touched. More hands appear, holding down my limbs, making me try harder to escape. 

“SOMEONE SEDATE HIM!” A different, unfamiliar voice yells. 

I am unsure of the meaning of the yell, as there was a word in there which I do not know the meaning of. Even though I don’t understand what was yelled, that doesn’t stop me from growing even more frightful. My sobbing is now constricting my ability to breath and my screams are now the only thing I can hear. I feel myself grow lightheaded from the lack of air, my screams and sobs now slowing down with the lack of air in my body. Someone grabs my head, pulling in up, causing me to thrash away from the hands weakly. Something hard and plastic is placed over my mouth, but I don’t see as my eyes have been glued shut since Jaehyun locked me in this godforsaken room. Oxygen starts to flow smoothly in and out of my mouth and nose, allowing me to breathe easier, but I don’t care. I want this thing off and for these people to stop touching me. 

“STOP! STOP! STOP!” I start to wail in Chinese once I get the air to. 

Loud yells of the people around me merge together as one, making it hard for me to understand. I hear that weird word from before being yelled before something stabs into my left hand. It hurts. It hurts more than the touches. I try to pull away, but hands hold my arm there. Something cold and burning slides into my hand under my skin. I scream louder. What is happening? 

“Chenle, everything is going to be okay,” I hear Kun whisper into my ear in Chinese, my body slowly calming down. 

I feel my screams and sobs stutter out, my body growing limp. I open my teary eyes for the first time since I was locked in here, and look around slowly. I am now laid on my back, held down my three different unknown paramedics. Manager Kwan is stood by the door, on the phone to someone unknown. Kun is knelt next to my head and another unknown paramedic is holding my head in their lap. Johnny, Taeyong, Yuta, and Jaehyun are all stood in the doorway of the room. Ten is nowhere to be seen, and the rest of the members can’t be seen either. 

“Everything will be okay Chenle,” Kun whispers in Chinese again, making my eyes slowly drift to meet his. 

His eyes are watery, and his face is pulled into one of great sympathy. 

“We love you,” He tells me in Chinese softly before standing. 

I am unable to process anymore as my body grows heavy, and I feel like I am drifting on a cloud. My screams and sobs are now gone, tears no longer run down my cheeks, and I no longer feel scared or angered by touch. In my state of drifting, I feel my body be pulled up, and placed on something semi padded. Straps are placed over me to hold me down, but this time they feel warm and comforting not restricting. Garbled voices float through my head, and I feel myself begin to move on this cloud of sorts. My eyes show that we are moving down the hall, and into the main room where the front door is. Ten in there, as well as the rest for NCT, minus Renjun, Jeno, Haechan, Jaemin, and Jisung. 

Ten has tears running down his face, and Doyoung is holding onto him tightly. Mark and Lucas are clinging onto each other in fear, and Jungwoo is sitting on the floor by their feet crying. Taeil is standing with Sicheng, hugging him, not looking up to where I am. Johnny, Yuta, Taeyong, Kun, and Jaehyun walk into the main room, rushing to the people in there. Words that I can’t comprehend are said, and I feel the cloud I am on stop. The members of NCT that are here all walk up to me, all of them with tears running their face or in their eyes. They take turns saying something to me, but in my current state it all just sounds muffled and incomprehensible. By now, Mark and Lucas have started to cry and the sight, I must say, is very unsettling. 

Something is said, and I feel the cloud I am on begin to move again. I watch Taeyong go to run after me once I register that I am pushed out the door, but Johnny holds him back. He is crying hard. Poor Taeyong. By now, my mind is very out of it, leaving me unable to fully feel anything and almost on the verge of sleep. I wonder if I will sleep? I am pushed down the hall of the dorm complex, the movement feeling rather fast, almost as if whoever is moving the cloud I am on is running. I am unable to focus on much after that. My eyes fall close, the flow of air through my nose and mouth, regulating my breathing putting me asleep. Part of me says not to sleep, but a bigger part says to. I succumb to the will to sleep, my eyes closing and not reopening. 

Letting myself sleep will prove to be one of the biggest mistakes I ever make.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I DID IT! I UPLOADED EARLIER! WOO!
> 
> Yeah i don't have much to say for this chapter other than things are now really going to start getting intense. Well, not too intense, but they are starting to heat up. This is just the begin. 
> 
> As always thank you guys for leaving a comment, kudos, or view this story, it really keeps me motivated to know that people like what i write. Well, that's all for today. 
> 
> Bye!


	12. Brian McDermott

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Warnings, mentions of the "Brian McDermott" murder case, blood, swearing, vomiting, and graphic descriptions of murder.*

Black area. White clothes. Chilling atmosphere. Yep. I am back. I knew falling asleep was a bad idea. Hell, letting myself be stuck with whatever they gave me was a bad idea. Now I am asleep, dreaming of this hell like place, and there is a chance it’ll be a while until I can escape this hell as they must have given me a sleeping drug to calm me down. Hospital grade sleeping drugs take a while to come out from. Jaemin told me when he came back from his year long hiatus. With his back problems he has had his fair share of experience with those damned sleeping drugs. Now it is my time to experience the effects of these drugs. Great. I hope to god I am like of the verge of awakening and that this dream will be over quickly. Knowing my luck lately though, this dream will probably be over in like a century. Fan-Fucking-Tasic.

You know what? I am not going to follow this pull. Nope. I am currently lying flat on my back, so screw it. I refuse. Three nightmares in enough thank you. I am already starting to lose my mind, one more will probably kill me. Well, not really, but you know, I don’t want to have another. God this is going to be terrifying lying here with this persistent pull, but I don’t care. I am not moving. If that black figure bitch wants to haunt me, they will have to come get me. I wonder who they will appear as this time? I wonder if the figure is linked to the last person I really saw and hung out with before I fell asleep? If that is the case, the figure might appear as Jaehyun. Poor Jaehyun. I wonder how he is doing after I almost drowned him in the sink. God, what if I succeeded? If I succeeded I wouldn’t be in what I am going to assume is a hospital, since I was taken away by paramedics. No, if I killed Jaehyun, I would be in prison. Why don’t I feel guilty about that? I don’t even feel sad or scared at all. Wow, even in my dream my head is still fucked up. That is just perfect. Guess who is probably getting transferred to the Psychiatry ward? Me!

Wait. What’s that sound? The soft sound of footsteps starts to grow closer. Footsteps? That can only mean one thing. Since I refused to follow the pull the figure is coming after me. Shit. Fuck. No. I stand up, not looking towards where the footsteps are. I run away. I run as fast as possible, hoping to avoid the figure. As my pace increases, so do the footsteps. It is futile to run, I know, but I need to try. I am not having another dream end like the last three. No way in hell. 

“Brian McDermott.”

The voice returns, but I haven’t even seen the figure. Oh god. The dreams are progressing. I stop running. There is no point. If I keep running, I will eventually tire out and the figure will get me. If I stop, I am just letting the figure get me sooner. I guess, the sooner the figure gets me, the quicker this will be over. The sooner I let this figure catch me, the sooner I will find out if I am the murder or the victim. I have only had done victim dream, so my bets are on the murder. 

“Brian McDermott.”

A cool, lifeless hand touches my shoulder, causing me to turn around. I was right, the figure is of Jaehyun this time. The emotionless, blacked out face of Jaehyun stares at me. The mannequin like face causing my body to start to shake in fear. Oh please don’t be too hard on me this time. I swear the figure smiles at my thought, despite the fact it is lacking the proper facial structures to perform such a task. 

“Brian McDermott.” 

At the sound of those static spoken words, I feel the air around me grow hot. Fear pools inside me. Why, why is the air growing hot? 

“Brian McDermott.”

I stare at the figure before me, my skin now starting to burn. I twist my head around, looking for a source of heat, but seeing nothing. My skin slowly starts to pinken, growing redder by the second. 

“Brian McDermott.”

I let out a scream. As soon at the phrase, “Brian McDermott”, is called again, I feel my whole body catch fire. There is no fire to be seen, but I can feel it. I can feel it burning at my flesh, melting and blackening my flaming skin. This is the worst pain I have ever experienced, and this is in a dream. Oh god, how can a dream hurt this much? I thought you weren’t meant to fell pain in dreams? 

“BRIAN MCDERMOTT!” 

The voice is now screaming. Static tones and loud sounds form the phrase, blending in with my pained and tortured screams. I fall to the floor, writhing in pain at the feet of the Jaehyun like figure. Stop it, stop it please. I can’t take this pain. Please, I would rather die than feel this pain.

“BRIAN MCDERMOTT!” 

I open my eyes, tears of pure pain and terror stream down my cheeks. My skin is now bloody with burns and charred brown and black in some places. It is like I have been set alight by some invisible pain. I can’t bare it. I would rather anything else than to be burnt alive. 

“BRIAN MCDERMOTT!” 

I shouldn’t have said that. I should not have said I would rather anything else than be burnt alive. As soon as my thoughts drifted to that, the voice screamed again, and the burning pain is now dimming. The pain of being burnt alive is slowly disappearing, but with that a new pain comes. The pain of having your limbs being sawn off, one by one. 

“BRIAN MCDERMOTT!”

The voice is still screaming out the phrase, but I can no longer hear and process it over the sound of my own screams of torture. My throat feels shredded raw as I feel a sharp, invisible blade slowly start slicing at my right arm, just below the shoulder. I feel my skin rip and blood ooze out. I feel the muscles and ligaments snap violently under the pressure of this invisible blade. I take it back, I would much rather burn than have my limbs slowly sawn off. 

“BRIAN MCDERMOTT!”

The blade reaches the bone of my right arm, and I wish to wake up then and there. The loud crunch of the blade grinding against my bone is enough to make you sick, but to feel the pain, I am surprised I am not dead just from it. The sick smell of rotting flesh has now filled the air, and I can no longer stomach it. I empty my stomach onto my chest where I lie, choking slightly on it. I want to die. 

“BRIAN MCDERMOTT!”

The scream of the voice is loud, but my screams of agony are louder. I feel my arm completely come off, now lying lifelessly next to me, free from my body. Oh how I wish that was all, but it isn’t. Now with my right arm removed, the invisible blade moves on to my left, hacking and sawing away at it. Oh please, someone, anyone, wake me up. 

“BRIAN MCDERMOTT!”

I throw my head around, my voice growing weak with my cries. The Jaehyun like figure is still above me, looking down at me with an emotionless, pure black face. The pain is unbelievable, but it makes me think. My past three dreams have all had some relation to a real-life murder case. “Black Dahlia” was a woman who was murdered, mutilated, and cut in half at the waist. In my first dream I could hear the screaming of the phrase “Black Dahlia” and saw my body, mutilated and cut up like the real case. “Columbine” is the name given to a mass school shooting that happened in the area of Columbine, Colorado, and had two shooters kill thirteen kids before killing themselves using guns as the main weapon. In my second dream I could hear the voice screaming out “Columbine” as I shot thirteen out of the eighteen NCT members, alongside my soulless clone, who ended up committing suicide with me in the end. “Lizzie Borden” is the name given to a woman who is accused of axe murdering her parents, which is all I know so far. In my third, and most recent, dream I could hear the name “Lizzie Borden” being called out and I ended up axe murdering my parents in that dream. If this dream ends up being real, it means that this “Brian McDermott” character really faced this fate. The thought of anyone have to go through this is real life makes my blood run cold. 

“BRIAN MCDERMOTT!”

My left arm is by now free of my shoulder, and my right leg is half-way to meeting the same fate. By now the blood-loss and pain has become too unbearable, and I am no longer able to scream out. All I can do now is moan weakly and pray for mercy. Mercy won’t be delivered however until I meet my death in this dream. I just hope death is soon. 

“BRIAN MCDERMOTT!”

Off pops my right leg. The once useful limb now severed from its joint at the hip. The invisible blade now presses down and slices at my left leg. All I can do is just wait and tell myself that it’ll be over soon. 

“Brian McDermott.”

The voice has stopped screaming and my body is now free of limbs. Blood pools from me, and if this weren’t a dream, there is no doubt that I would be long gone by now. 

“Brian McDermott.”

With the voice now speaking out the words in its original static voice, I now feel the invisible blade move to my neck. Finally. The blade will chop of my head and I will be done. Done with this nightmare. Done with this torture. 

“Brian McDermott.”

The slicing motion starts up, cutting violently into the soft skin of my neck. The blood starts to spill out as the invisible blade cuts deeper. 

“Brian McDermott.”

My oesophagus is now being shredded to bits, halting my ability to breath. Blood fills my throat, chocking me, making the pain of this worse than I could ever imagine. Why am I not dead yet?

“Brian McDermott.”

With the final call of those two, now dreaded, words, I feel my head pop off from my shoulders. All pain is now gone. All senses now gone. My eyes close to blackness as I finally die. 

I am finally dead.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, I updated earlier like I said. Still, not as early as I would have liked but you know, school and all is kind of in my way. Anyways, this chapter is another dream one, and i apologize greatly if it was too graphic. I am starting to bring more gruesome themes into this story and if that is something you can't handle I am sorry. If you ask I will tone it down a bit for some chapters, but in some I will have to keep up the gruesome nature and i apologize in advance. Just a little heads up for this chapter's content, the "Brian McDermott" murder case isn't a very big or well known one, so if you wish to do a bit of research of it on your own, you will have to put "Brian McDermott Murder" into google and you still won't get many results. You will find out later why I include it in this story though. 
> 
> Thank you all so much for the attention on the last chapter, Chapter 11 Screaming. The comments i got on that chapter made me so happy so thank you! To see people enjoying this story makes me so happy and i can't thank you all enough. As always, thank you for leaving a comment, kudos, or just view this story, it means so much to me. That is all i have for now but thank you all one again.
> 
> Bye!


	13. Rabies

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Warnings, mentions of rabies, swearing, vomiting, medical procedures, and hospitals.*

I feel my body begin to wake slowly. I start to notice the sheets on the bed beneath me, the activity of my thoughts, the sounds of the room, and the tightness in my stiff joints. At this point my eyes are still firmly shut, the sensation of crust hanging around the corners makes it feel like my eyes are glued closed. Gross. As I lie here with my eyes shut, not moving, I begin to notice more things happening around me. I notice a sensation of a constant air flow through my nose, and a soft beeping sound. Considering I am in a hospital I can only assume I am hooked up to oxygen and that my heart rate is being monitored. I wonder how long I will be here for? I can feel a very light sticky tightness feeling on the back of my left hand, which is probably due to the fact I could be hooked up to an IV or there is a band-aid on the back of my hand where an IV related wound could be. There is the faint hospital like smell in the room which is making my whole situation a lot clearer. The situation being, there is no doubt about it, I am in a hospital because of my major psychotic episode. My only question now is, what ward am I in? Am I in a normal ward for those who are struck with a physical illness, or am I in a ward for those who are struck with a mental illness? God, I hope it isn’t a psych ward, I don’t want to have to go through constant therapy. The monthly counselling sessions the company now makes us do are boring enough, I don’t want to have to go weekly.

I feel like I should wake up now, like open my eyes and make others aware that I am alive, but something feels off, so I don’t want to have to deal with the waking process right now. I know I had a dream, a dream of “Brian McDermott”, whatever that is, but something feels off about it. The past three times when I have had one of these dreams, I feel like I wake up right as the dream ends, but this time it feels like I slept in relative peace for a few hours after the dream ended. That is weird. I wonder if I was drugged heavily when I had the dream? I mean it makes sense as I am in a hospital and if I started to scream in my sleep they would have drugged me to calm me. Still, I feel a bit off and weird. 

I decide, after getting that thought out of my head, it is now time to try and awaken. I roll my head slightly, eyes still closed, as a way to stretch my neck. I feel the joints in my neck stretch and relieve themselves from the tension with this simple movement. I go to move my head some more, but a soft hand on my forehead stops me and startles me. Someone is in the room with me. I guess it is understandable as someone would probably have to be here with me to keep watch, but who is it? I stop my attempts at stretching in favour of trying to open my eyes to see who is here with me. 

“Chenle, baby, you awake?”

My heart stops for a second. Those words, those words spoken in my native language, give me a great hint as to who is here with me.

“Mum?” I call out softly, opening my eyes fully to look around. 

My eyes fall on the woman above me. My mum is sat next to my bed, her right hand resting on my forehead and her eyes full of unshed tears. My heart breaks. It feels like only moments ago I was calling her because I missed her, and now she is here with me as I was rushed to hospital. Those tears in her eyes are also clearly caused by me. I hope she can forgive me for causing her pain. 

“Hey baby,” She smiles wetly at me, tears slowly running down her face. 

“Mum?” I call out in a questioning tine, despite the fact I have no real question to ask. 

“Everything will be fine baby, everything will be fine,” She chokes out, tears running down her face faster now. 

My mum’s tears are now scaring me. I don’t understand why she is so sad. What is happening?

“Mum, what’s wrong? What’s happening?” I ask, pushing myself up into a sitting position, scared and confused. 

She pushes my back down so I am lying down. I follow, not wanting to upset her any further. 

“Chenle,” She whispers, dabbing her tears with the back of her hand, “No matter what happens, just remember that your father and I love you, that you brothers love you, your brother by blood and your brothers by choice both, and everyone else loves you. You grandparents, your aunties, your friends, your fans, everyone loves you baby.”

By eyes burn with tears of fear. 

“Mum why are you saying this?” My voice shakes in fear. 

“Because it is true baby,” She sobs out, slowly beginning to cry harder. 

Her tears set me off, and before I know it I am crying alongside her. She put her hands on my face, cupping my cheeks and wiping away my tears as the fall. I can’t help but cry. What is happening to me? Am I dying? I don’t want to die. I am not even an adult yet. I have barely lived a life. 

“Am I dying?” I sob out, needing to know the answer. 

“I don’t know,” Is the only response I get.

I cry harder. What is happening to me? 

“The doctors think it might be rabies,” My mother informs me after a few minutes of crying, “They just need to do more tests to confirm it.”

My heart sinks. If it is rabies, that means I won’t survive. Rabies is fatal with no cure. If it rabies, I probably only have a few more hours, maybe days if I am lucky, of life left. Please, I beg to anyone out there, don’t let it be rabies. 

“I am going to get the doctor,” My mum tells me softly, standing up, “He will need to know that you are awake.”

With that, my mum exits the room, leaving me alone with my thoughts. I feel sick at the thought of possible death, but the thing is, I feel fine. Other than feeling a bit bleary and stiff from sleeping for ages, I feel fine. I thought being on the verge of death would feel horrible, but then again, I don’t know much about rabies other than there is no cure. How can the doctors even predict that I may have rabies anyways? What even are the symptoms of rabies? I wish I had my phone to google this.   
I hear the footsteps in the doorway, and an older male doctor walk in with my mum and dad. 

“Dad!” I yell Chinese, excited to see him. 

I go to sit up, but he rushes over, pushing me down as my mum did before. 

“Try not to sit up Chenle,” He says to me softly in Chinese, lifting his hand from my chest to stroke my hair.

He looks so sad.

“Chenle-yah, I am Dr Kang,” The doctor calls out in Korean, walking further into the room to where I am. 

“Hello,” I respond, slowly getting my brain to switch to Korean. 

Dr Kang smiles sadly at me for my poor pronunciation. 

“Do you understand what I am saying right now, or would it be easier for me to get a translator?” Dr Kang asks kindly, his voice soft as if he is talking to a young child. 

Well, I guess I am a young child in his eyes. 

“It might be easier with a translator,” I tell him softly, my pronunciation flopping all over the place, “I am not too good at Korean when I can’t focus properly.”

“Okay then Chenle-yah,” Dr Kang smiles at me softly, “I will buzz in a translator, for now, let me check your vitals and make sure things are all in check.”

I nod my head against the pillow in agreement. I watch as Dr Kang pulls a pager from his belt, pressing a few buttons on it before putting it away. 

“Excellent,” Dr Kang smiles, pulling on a pair of rubber gloves he gets from his pocket, “Let me know if you are uncomfortable or hurting in anyway.”

I nod my head again softly before he begins. Dr Kang presses a button on my bed, which pushes me into a sitting position, before he comes around the right side of my bed. My parents end up stepping back and I feel a slight sense of sadness at that as I wish for them to be as close to me as possible. Dr Kang must have noticed my slight distress.

“Don’t worry,” He tells me, “Your parents will be just there throughout the whole check-up.”

I smile awkwardly, still not feeling any better about the fact, but I know that they can’t be too close otherwise they will get in the way of Dr Kang’s work. I just want them close to me. I miss them. 

“Okay Chenle-yah, I am going to start now,” Dr Kang tells me briefly before diving straight into the check-up. 

The whole check up starts of fairly straight forward, with Dr Kang going around checking the machines around me. Looking at my heart-rate and oxygen levels, seeing if my IV is still working, looking at all the other pieces of equipment, so all the basics, before he moves on to actually looking at me. 

“How are you feeling Chenle-yah?” Dr Kang asks as he finishes writing down some notes on the data from the machines. 

“I feel fine I guess,” I respond, unsure of what I should say. 

“Just fine?” Dr Kang questions, looking over me with his eyes. 

“Well, I don’t really know,” I mutter, still highly terrified at the possibility of having rabies.

“Do you know why you are here?” Dr Kang asks, sitting down in a chair next to my bed. 

“I remember screaming a lot and freaking out back at the dorms,” I admit, the memory of that still fresh in my mind, “I didn’t want to be touched. I was scared. I didn’t know what was happening.”

“That is correct Chenle-yah,” Dr Kang smiles sadly at me, “Do you know what we believe to have caused this episode?”

I swallow thickly. I know, I just don’t want to believe it. 

“I know,” I mumble softly, looking down at my lap, “My mum told me when I woke up.”

“Can you name it for me?” Dr Kang asks, clearly questioning me to see how responsive I am.

“I don’t know how to say it in Korean,” I answer truthfully, ignoring the burning feeling in my eyes. 

“That’s okay Chenle-yah,” Dr Kang tells me softly, seeing my internal distress, “You can say what you think it is to the translator when they get here.”

I nod, rubbing my eyes with the back of my hand to rid the burning sensation of tears. I hear my mum begins to sob off to my left and I want nothing more to just hug her and cry into her arms. 

“It is okay to be upset Chenle-yah,” Dr Kang tells me gently, “You don’t need to act tough. What is happening to you is a serious thing, and if it is what we believe it to be, then we unfortunately can’t help you.”

I can’t hold it back anymore. Tears start streaming from my eyes again. I swear I have cried more these past three or four days than I have in my entire life. I bet baby me didn’t even cry this much, but I have a right. Baby me wasn’t just told they are going to die, but current me has. I don’t want to die.

“Don’t worry Chenle-yah,” Dr Kang reassures me, “Just from this short amount of time with you, I don’t believe it is what we believe it is. You are far to responsive and are showing natural response to certain situations. If it was what we believe it to be, you would be more aggressive, more out of it so to speak. Right now I think it could be something else, but we will still do tests just to make sure. If it is what we expect it to be, then we will try and make your last few moments of life as comfortable and as pain free as possible.”

Dr Kang then steps aside, moving away from my bed so my parents can come to comfort me. My mum rushes forward as soon as Dr Kang stands, grabbing hold of me and starts to sob into my shoulder. My dad waits for Dr Kang to step away from the bed before he comes over, grabbing hold of both my hands, stroking them and looking at me with tears in his eyes. I have never seen my dad cry, but here he is, tears in his eyes ready to fall. All of this because of the high chance of death I have right now. I bury my face into my mum’s chest, sobbing openly as my hand tighten around my dad’s. I don’t want to die. I don’t want to leave my parents behind.

“Please don’t leave us Chenle,” I hear my dad choke out in Chinese, tears thick in his voice, “Please, we love you so much.”

I sob louder, knowing that my fate is no longer in my hands. My fate is depending on whether or not I have rabies, which will decide if I die or live.

“My beautiful baby,” My mum sobs into my shoulder, “I am so sorry I haven’t been able to protect you.”

I think of my brother. Despite the thirteen-year difference, we have remained incredibly close, so it hurts to know he isn’t here. I wonder if he even knows about my current state? If he does, I wonder how he is holding up? If I were in his shoes, stuck overseas while my brother is on his possible death bed, I would be absolutely devastated. I would not be able to handle the knowledge of having my only brother possibly die while I am not there to say my final goodbye. I just have to know if he is okay. If he knows. 

“Manchu,” Is all I am able to sob out, hoping that my sob at least gets my point across for what I wish to ask.

“He is still in China Chenle,” My dad tells me softly, the sound of tears still swarming his voice, “But he knows. Your mother called him when we were told everything.”  
I sob harder. I miss him. I never see him anymore, and I may never see him again. 

“He says he loves you very much,” My mum whispers to me through her sobs, still holding onto me, “He wishes he could be here with you right now, but he is unable to leave the country currently. He does love you though. He loves you so much. We all do Chenle.”

My parents and I end up loosing track of time as we sit there in each other’s embraces, crying our sorrows and fears. It is only when we just start to slowly calm down that we realize that Dr Kang has left. He must have left sometime during our family break down, but he probably isn’t too far away. He will probably be back soon. Eventually, my mum pulls herself away from me, grabbing my right hand from my dad, and sitting in one of the seats next to me. My dad follows suit, sitting down next to my mum but holding my left hand. If feel kind of awkward as they are both sat to my right and my left arm is being pulled over to the right for my dad to hold, but I don’t care. I want to be as close to my parents as possible. They are the only source of comfort I have at the moment.

We sit like that in silence, the only sound being the occasional sniffles for anyone of us, for roughly five to eight minutes before Dr Kang comes back, this time will a younger woman. The woman isn’t too young, but she isn’t too old either. She looks to be around late to mid-thirties. She must be the translator. 

“Chenle-yah, Mr and Mrs Zhong, this is Moon Yeseul,” Dr Kang introduces the woman to us, “She will be the translator for you while Chenle is in hospital.”

“Hello,” Yeseul introduces herself in fluent Chinese, “I am Moon Yeseul, I will translate everything for you three to the best of my ability.”

She ends her sentence with a low bow, which my parents immediately respond with an even lower bow.

“It is nice to meet you Yeseul,” My mum tries to smile, but her voice is raw from crying and her face is splotchy with tears. 

“Now,” Dr Kang begins, “I am going to call in some nurses and we will start the tests.”

My parents look to Yeseul who easily translates what Dr Kang said to them. I was able to slowly decipher what was said myself as I know a fair bit of Korean now, but to have Yeseul confirm what was said just makes everything a bit easier. 

“Okay,” Dr Kang says, looking down at his folder of notes, “We have already gotten saliva and skin biopsies of Chenle’s hair follicles and from the nape of his neck, we did that while he was unconscious, but there are still two more tests we need to do.”

Dr Kang waits for Yeseul to translate what he said, which I am grateful for as I understood very little of what was said between “Okay” and “But there are still two more tests we need to do”. 

“Those tests include a spinal tap to receive some spinal fluid and we need to draw some blood to check the serum in it,” Dr Kang continues, pausing again to wait for Yeseul.

“What is a spinal tap and what is serum?” I ask Yeseul in Chinese once she finishes translating what was just said. 

She translates what I just said into Korean for Dr Kang. 

“Good question Chenle-yah,” Dr Kang tells me, “I probably should have explained that. A spinal tap is where we insert a needle into the spinal canal and collect the cerebrospinal fluid, and serum is a protein-rich liquid that is seen as amber in colour. It separates when the blood colts.”

Chills go down my spine as Yeseul explains what each thing is. The serum thing doesn’t sound too bad as it just sounds like it is collected through a normal blood test, but the spinal tap sounds terrifying. 

“Why couldn’t these tests be completed when I was unconscious?” I ask in Chinese, terrified of having a needle shoved in my spine. 

“Because the risk of you waking up during one of these procedures and causing a fault in them was to high,” Dr Kang responds after Yeseul translates my question to him, “It is better to be done while you are awake and aware, so no complications occur.”

“But won’t it hurt,” I ask after Yeseul finishes her translations.

Dr Kang lets out a soft chuckle and Yeseul finishes translating. 

“You will be under a general anaesthesia, which means you will be awake but won’t be able to feel much,” Dr Kang says with a calming smile, “You may feel some tugging or light pain, but if that is the case, tell us and we will try to minimise it.”

The translation does little to comfort me. From what I got it is basically “We will try to make it painless, but it will be painful”. I am terrible when it comes to pain.   
“Okay anymore questions,” Dr Kang asks, waiting for our responses as Yeseul translates. 

“Are we allowed to be in the room with Chenle while these tests happen?” My mum asks, squeezing my hand as she awaits a response.

“Yes that will be allowed, it’ll probably be better for the tests as you may be able to keep him calm,” Is the response given by Dr Kang, “Any other questions?”

The silence of both my parents and I signal his answer. 

“Great,” He says, stepping towards the door, “I am going to go get some nurses and the equipment and then we will begin.”

Dr Kang waited for Yeseul to translate before leaving the room once he realised no one was wanting to say anything else. The four of us sat in silence, my hands still firmly grasped in my parents’ hands. 

“Why does Dr Kang think I have rabies?” I whisper in soft Chinese to no one in particular. 

I hear my mum choke out another sob, gripping my hand tighter. 

“Because of the signs you showed before Lele,” My dad whispers to me, rubbing my mum’s back as she cries. 

“But what signs?” I ask, still confused, “What symptoms?”

My dad doesn’t respond. 

“If I may cut in,” Yeseul speaks up, talking in her perfectly spoken Chinese, “I studied medicine back in University, so I have a bit of knowledge of why the doctors are suspecting rabies to be the diagnosis for what happened to you Chenle.”

“Can you tell me?” I beg, scared to know the truth but still eager to find out why.

“I can,” She smiles at me sadly, “The doctors believe you have rabies as when your members were questioned they said that you had previously experienced nausea which lead to vomiting, a high fever, and you had experienced some night terrors. These can all be symptoms of the rabies virus. Well, night terrors aren’t directly a symptom, but fear is one of the psychological symptoms and fear is linked to night terrors as well as the symptom some people experience of troubled sleeping. It wasn’t just those few symptoms however. Your outburst which lead to here could also be seen as a symptom of rabies as it looked to be a spasm of the muscles which could have cause great pain within your body causing to you scream and lash out. The scream and lashing out can also be put down as the behavioural symptom of being rather irritable and aggressive. The outburst you had could have also been caused by a number of things, such as hallucinations, a severe anxiety attack, and even terror and paranoia. We unfortunately are unable to pinpoint what it was as you are the only one to fully know why. One of the older boys with you at the time, Jung Jaehyun, claims this outburst happened after he splashed you with water, and hydrophobia, the fear of water, is another symptom seen commonly in rabies, so the outburst could have also been triggered by that. All around, you showed numerous signs in relation to the rabies virus, with the only symptom not yet seen is excessive salivation, paralysis, and you have not at all complained of a headache and you also do not appear to be in a state of delirium or confusion.” 

I go numb as Yeseul finishes up explaining why it is suspected I have rabies. I was hoping for something like “Well shit, I don’t know you just do” which basically means “You don’t have rabies we just can’t be fucked thinking of a real reason as to what is wrong” but I didn’t get that response. I was given cold hard facts and comparisons as to what is wrong with me and how it links up to rabies. 

“How do you know all this?” I ask Yeseul, slightly horrified about how high the chances of me having rabies are.

“Like I said before, I studied medicine in the past and I was also granted permission to look over your file, so I could answer questions like this when Dr Kang isn’t here,” Yeseul informs me politely.

“But I thought you had to get bitten to contract rabies?” I splutter out, trying hard to avoid the truth, “I haven’t been bitten by an animal recently and I don’t think there is rabies in Seoul.”

“Rabies doesn’t have immediate effects,” Yeseul softly tells me, “It can take as little as four days since the bite occurred for symptoms to show or it can take as long as six years. As for the part about Seoul, yes, it is true rabies is highly uncommon here, especially in the area you live, but you are originally from China and rabies is animals can be quite common there. There is the chance of you having contracted rabies last time you were there.”

I don’t have anything to say. I am just numb. I can’t believe it. I have rabies. I am going to die. 

“But, but,” I try to think of a way to fight it, but I can’t.

“This isn’t to say you definitely have rabies though Lele,” My dad rushes in, tears running down his face, “The chances maybe high and you may have most of the symptoms, but you aren’t displaying any of them now, so it could just be a misunderstanding. You might be fine.”

I want to respond, but am unable to as Dr Kang walks in at that time with a tray of various different tools and three other nurses, two females one male.

“Everything okay here?” Dr Kang asks, noticing the sorrowful atmosphere. 

“Please tell me I don’t really have rabies,” I plead out in Chinese for Yeseul to translate. 

“Well that is what these tests will determine Chenle-yah,” Dr Kang tries to sooth me once given the translation.

I want to cry, but I can’t. If I cry now, it will take longer for the tests to happen, and the longer we wait, the longer it will be before we know the true diagnosis. 

“Okay,” Dr Kang starts, walking over to my left side, “This is Nurse Lee, Nurse Park, and Nurse Min, they will be assisting with these tests today.”

As Yeseul translates, I look at the introduced nurses. Nurse Lee is a tiny woman who looks to be fairly young, maybe fresh out of medical school or something. Nurse Park is an older looking man, and he looks quite large and intimidating. Nurse Min is the last nurse and is an older woman, who looks a lot like my auntie back at home. I know that the smiles they are giving me are meant to be comforting, but they aren’t. The looks on their faces just scare me even more. 

“We will start with a blood test first,” Dr Kang says, picking up a large needle used to retrieve blood, “We will be taking it from the left arm.”

The three nurses come over, grabbing my left arm from my dad’s grasp, pulling it over towards Dr Kang allowing him to prep my arm for the test. My hand feels cold without the hold of my father. My dad doesn’t seem to be bothered however as he and my mum just end up holding my right hand together. 

“We are going to draw some blood now Chenle-yah, try not to tense your arm,” Dr Kang tells me, waiting for Yeseul to translate before sticking me with the needle. 

It takes everything within me to not tense up at the sensation. I can feel the needle beneath my skin and I can feel the blood being pulled from my arm. It hurts, but it is not too bad. Just really uncomfortable and it is a bit nauseating. 

“Almost done Chenle-yah,” I am told after a minute of having my blood taken from me. 

I feel the needle be slowly removed from my arm, another sensation that makes my stomach turn. Once the needle is removed, I squeeze my hand against the hands of my parents as I try and keep my discomfort in check. The squeeze back and tell me I am brave, that there is only one more test to do and that I am doing so well. A band-aid is placed over the puncture wound, and I hear the sound of latex gloves being removed and replaced. Nurse Min comes over to me, and hands me a hospital gown to put on as I am still in the clothes I was wearing when I had the freak out. 

“Would you mind putting this on for the procedure?” She asks me kindly, “You can keep your pants on, you just need to remove your shirt and replace it with this.”

I take the gown off her after receiving the translation, to scared and upset to translate the words myself. Once I take the gown off her, she turns away and helps set up the equipment that will be used for this next test. My dad helps me remove my shirt, with my mum helping me pull the gown over my head. It is normally embarrassing to be babied this much, but I have missed my parents so much and I am so upset that I can’t be bothered to care. I let the do whatever they want, even if it means babying me. 

“We are going to lower you into a lying down position Chenle-yah, and then we will roll you onto your right side,” Dr Kang tells me, “We will sterilise and numb your lower back, but if you feel any pain at all that is too much, tell us and we will try and help.”

I nod unsurely at the translation before I feel my bed begin to lower into a lying position. Once in position, I am slowly pushed onto my right side by Nurse Park and Nurse Lee. I squeeze my mum and dad’s hands tighter. I am so scared. 

“We are going to sterilise the area now Chenle-yah, this may feel a little cold,” I am warned before I feel the back of my gown being pushed open and a cool substance being rubbed over the base of my back. 

I feel panic rise in me, causing my heart monitor to beep slightly faster. Curse that damn machine.

“Everything will be okay Chenle,” Yeseul tells me softly in Chinese, “I had one of these spinal taps performed on my a while back, and they don’t hurt as much as you think. It is mainly just uncomfortable, and you may feel a bit light headed during it or after. Everything will be fine.”

My parents both give her warm, thankful smiles. I do too, but I still feel scared. 

“Why did you have one?” I ask in the same language.

“Because I kept having seizures and they performed one on my when I was a bit younger than you too see if I had epilepsy,” She tells me with a light smile.

“Did you have epilepsy?” I ask in mild shock, ignoring the coldness from the antiseptic. 

“I did,” Yeseul confirms, “But I grew out of it when I was in my late twenties.”

“I didn’t know you could grow out of epilepsy,” I tell her is surprise. 

“You can,” She tells me, “Some people grow out of it, but some people don’t. I was one of the lucky ones.”

I chuckle lightly at that and she responds with a warming smile.

“I hate to interrupt,” Dr Kang buts in, “But we are going to start numbing the area now. We will be doing so with injections so brace yourself, this may pinch.”

My mood drops as so as Dr Kang says the needles will be involved. I hate needles so much. I brace myself and I feel the first needle touch my back. It pinches and stings slightly as it goes in. I close my eyes tight and focus on the feeling on my right hand being held my parents. 

“It will be over soon Lele,” My dad tells me, running a hand through my messy blond hair, “You will be okay. Just got to hold out a little longer.”

Another needle goes in after the first, injecting the same numbing liquid into my back. As soon as that one leaves, another enters. I start to wonder if it is actually the same needle, but I am cut from my thoughts as the next puncture of the needle starts to burn. I let out a startled yelp of pain and try to pull away, but strong hands hold me in place. 

“Sorry Chenle-yah,” Dr Kang apologises, “Try not to move, we will try and get this done with quickly.”

“But it hurts,” I whine out in Chinese, a tear running down my cheek.

“Baby don’t cry,” My mum tells me, wiping the tear away, “It will be over soon.” 

I keep my eyes closed, squeezing my hand into a ball in the palms of my parents’ hands. I lie there, trying to be still, as I am stabbed with the needle another three times before it goes away. My back is still stinging, but it is slowly disappearing which I guess means it is working. 

“We are going to start collecting the spinal fluid now,” Dr Kang announces after five minutes of waiting, “You may feel some discomfort, but that is normal. If it gets too bad, let us know and we will stop. Nurse Lee and Nurse Park will be holding you still, so you don’t move and upset the procedure.”

As soon as the translation is given, I feel two sets of hands grab me, holding me still. I feel some light pressure on my back, shortly followed by some slight pulling.   
“The needle is now in, do not move,” Is the answer I get as to why I am feeling this on my back. 

I lie completely still, trying to ignore the movement I feel in my lower back. I slowly start to feel light headed, and my lower back starts to ache dully. The whole situation is making me feel sick. Staying still is becoming harder as time goes on. 

“Are you okay Chenle?” My dad asks me, seeing my clear discomfort. 

“I think I am going to be sick,” I mumble, eyes still glued shut. 

“How far along with this are we?” Yeseul asks after hearing my response, “Chenle is starting to feel really sick.”

“Almost done,” Dr Kang mutters, focused on my back, “Yeseul-ah go grab a throw up bag just in case.”

Yeseul nods, running over to one of the cabinets in the room, grabbing the bag and rushing back over to me, holding it by my head just in case I do puke. The room remains still and silent for another minute or so before I feel a tug and the pressure is gone. 

“There we go,” Dr Kang calls out to the room, “We are done.” 

I am slowly rolled onto my back by Nurse Lee and Nurse Park, but immediately go to jump up as bile rises in my stomach. Nurse Lee and Nurse Park push me down, holding me down, turning my head to the right just in time for me to throw up bile into the throw up bag Yeseul is holding. 

“You need to remain lying down Chenle-yah,” I am told by Nurse Min, who comes to my left side to see if I am okay.

I can’t respond, I can only hope that the results will come back negative for rabies and I will be free from this hell hole.

I can only hope.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HOLY HELL MATE, THIS WAS A FUCKING **** OF A CHAPTER TO WRITE, BLOODY HELL! Just kidding, but it really was a lot. Despite the word count of 5993, the amount of research that went into this chapter was way to much. Also, don't worry, Chenle won't die (Spoiler) he isn't going to die, I am not that mean. In all seriousness though, i put more research into this chapter than i did for my History assignment for school. Also, just as a heads up, "Manchu" is not Chenle's brother's really name, i don't know what it is, I just googled random names from the Chinese language and chose that one. 
> 
> Anyways, I am going to finish this up quickly as i am starving for food, so thank you all so much as always for leaving a comment, kudos, or viewing this story, i am having a lot of fun writing it and it is really amazing to see that there are people who are enjoying reading it. Well, I am going to go now so i can get something to eat.
> 
> Bye!


	14. Results

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Warnings, there are no warnings that apply for this chapter.*

Three-hours. That is how long it has been since those tests were done. Three-hours of waiting, crying, praying. My Hyungs and Jisung haven’t been allowed in as they aren’t family by blood, and my parents have refused to leave my side. I tried to convince the doctors and nurses to let my Hyungs and Jisung in, my parents even tried to as well, but since there is so many of them, they aren’t allowed. We were told that if the results come back negative then maybe they will be allowed in if they enter in small groups of around three or four, but other than that they aren’t allowed in. The thing is though, is that they are only allowed in if I don’t have rabies. If I do, then I won’t be allowed to see them. If that is the case, I will die before I see them again. That means the last memory they will have of me if me screaming and thrashing around on the floor of my shared room. I don’t want that to be the last memory they have of me.

“Chenle,” My mum calls out to me softly, running her hand through my hair, “Do you need anything? Are you hungry? Thirsty?”

My mum has been asking me the same question ever since the tests were completed. Every time I say no. I don’t feel well enough to eat. I have a dizzying headache from the spinal tap, and I feel nauseous at the suspense of waiting for the results. 

“No,” I whisper back, gripping the sheets of my bed in my hands.

“Come on Lele,” My dad cuts in, rubbing my stomach softly as I am still on my back, “Try and eat something, or at least drink some water. You can’t deprive your body of these things.”

“What’s the point?” I whisper, turning my head to the left, away from my parents, “I am just going to die anyways. What’s the point of eating or drinking then?”

“Chenle, please, please, please don’t talk like that,” My mum whispers, grabbing hold of my right hand a squeezing it tight in her own.

“But it is true,” I croak out, not looking at her. 

“No it is not,” She tells me firmly, but I don’t believe her.

“You aren’t going to die Lele,” My dad tells me, still softly rubbing my stomach, “You have been doing so well and none of the symptoms you displayed earlier have shown, so the chance of you having rabies now seems highly unlikely.” 

Unlikely. Not impossible. Just unlikely. Unlikely still means there is a chance. It is all about probability, and the probability currently says unlikely, but despite that, the chance is still there and even though unlikely means it isn’t likely, it is still possible. With the possibility there, why should I get my hopes up when I know they will just be crushed. 

“When do we get the results back?” I sigh out, turning my head to face my parents.

My mum has tears in her eyes again and my dad looks to be suffering from a great pain. They are both looking at me with the terrible sadness and hurt. I know why. It is because they know that what they are saying is false. I am going to die.

“We should be getting them back soon,” My dad tells me, finally removing his hand from my stomach.

I just nod gently against my pillow before I turn my head away once again and leave the room in silence. I don’t want to talk. I don’t want to think. I don’t want to die. I just want to go home. I want to wake up in my bed in China as a bright, young ten-year-old again. I want this all to be just some horrible dream. I want this rabies scare to be a dream. Those nightmares to be a dream in a dream. I want NCT to be a dream. I want this all to be a dream if it means I can wake and have there be nothing wrong in my life. Sure if I woke up as a ten-year-old I would probably cry, a lot, as I would miss NCT and realize it was just a dream, but I would get over it as my parents would be there comforting me. If loosing NCT is what I have to pay to get freedom from the grasp of death and terror, then that is a price I will happily pay. Is that selfish of me? Probably. Do I care? No. I just want this all to end. I don’t care how, I just want it to stop. 

“Lele,” My mum shakes me lightly, causing me to impulsively turn to her, “The doctor is back.”

I turn to face the door to the room, fear building in my gut. This is it. This is the end. Good bye world. Dr Kang and Yeseul walk in, both looking rather relaxed, so that might mean good news. No, I can’t get my hopes up. They are probably looking relaxed as to not get us upset. I know their tricks. I am dying.

“Well, I am pleased to announce we have some good news,” Dr Kang tells us, and the translation is enough to have my mum cry in relief. 

“Wait, I am not dying?” I blurt out in Chinese, not bothering with Korean at all.

“No Chenle-yah,” Dr Kang laughs after Yeseul translates for him, “We found no traces of the rabies virus in any of the test results, so you seem to be free from death’s clutches right now.”

As Yeseul translates for us, I hear my dad start crying in relief, and to be honest, I am surprised I haven’t started crying yet. I am not dying. I don’t have rabies. I am going to live. 

“While, we haven’t found any traces of the rabies virus in Chenle,” Dr Kang continues, smiling at my parents softly as they cry in relief, “We didn’t find a solution as to what this outburst was.”

I know that, that statement was meant to be seen as concerning, but right now I am just so happy I am not dying that I can’t seem to care. I don’t care what is wrong with me right now, all I care about is the fact is I am going to live. 

“Despite the lack of physical issues that could show a problem that could have caused an outburst like that,” Dr Kang continues on, “I am lead to believe that this outburst may have been more mental health related. Due to Chenle’s current lifestyle as an idol, I believe that this outburst my have been stress or anxiety related, so I am going to call in a paediatric psychologist to have a talk with Chenle and make sure things are okay with him mentally.”

My relief drops at the translation I receive. A psychologist means therapy. Therapy means one hour of complete boring bullshit. I know they are meant to help, but I hate sitting there for an hour, listening to the bullshit of someone telling me what to do with my life. No Dr-what’s-your-face, I don’t care what your PhD says, eating a tub of vanilla ice-cream while watching Moomin with Renjun is a good coping mechanism for anything. 

“No,” I say in Chinese, sitting up despite the protests of my parents and Dr Kang alike, “I don’t want to see a psychologist.”

“Chenle it’ll be okay,” My mum tries to comfort me, gently trying to push me back down, “There is no need to be scared.”

“I am not scared,” I blurt out is shock, “I just think it is pointless. I already have to go to a group therapy session with NCT Dream, and I hate how whenever I go it is just a chance for the doctor to tell me that my life choices aren’t good ones. Like, I get that eating ramen when I am bored isn’t great, but the job of a psychologist is to tell me how to be happier, not what to eat.”

Dr Kang is silent as Yeseul translates for him. He doesn’t look to happy, but he also doesn’t look like he wants to start a fight over this right now.

“Look, Chenle-yah,” He begins, looking rather tired, “I know you don’t want to see a psychologist, but how about instead of fighting over this right now, I give you a bit of a break from this sort of stuff. There are some young men outside who are eager to see you. Would you like to see them?”

I smile excitedly as soon as the mention of NCT is heard through the translation given by Yeseul. 

“Yes!” I respond excitedly, switching to Korean myself. 

Dr Kang laughs softly at my enthusiasm, seeming to be happier now that I am no longer at risk of death. 

“Okay,” He smiles at me like I am five, “We can only let four in at a time, so who would you like to see first, or do you not care?”

“Kun-Hyung, Taeyong-Hyung, Renjun-Hyung, and Jisung,” I tell Dr Kang in Korean excitedly before Yeseul has the chance to translate what was said.  
“Okay,” Dr Kang laughs out, “I will go get them for you. I’ll be back with them in five minutes max.”

And with that, after Yeseul’s translation, Dr Kang leaves the room to go get the requested people. I can’t help the excitement that buzzes through me at the thought of finally seeing my members and at the thought that I am not dying. I am so excited that my parents have very little luck in trying to get me to lie down again, so eventually they stop. 

“Why did you choose to see those four people Chenle?” Yeseul asks curiously in Chinese. 

“Because I am really close to those members,” I respond, also in Chinese, “Kun and Taeyong are like mothers to me, Kun being my Chinese mother and Taeyong being my Korean mother. The two of them take care of me, make sure I am well, and nag me like my own mother would should she see me doing some of the things I do.”

My parents and Yeseul laugh at that.

“What about the other two, Renjun and Jisung?” Yeseul asks once the laughter dies down. 

“Renjun is the only other NCT Dream member currently who is also Chinese,” I tell her, smiling at the thought, “Renjun was the only one I could talk to when I first came to Korea, and he was the only one who was able to help me with my Korean as he grew up fluent in both Chinese and Korean.”

Yeseul smiles at me encouragingly to continue. 

“And then you have Jisung,” I huff out a laugh as I think of him, “Jisung is my best friend. He is younger than me, born in 2002 while I am born in 2001, but I am not older by much. I was born towards the end of 2001 and he was born towards the start of 2002, so there are only a few months between our birthdays. He was the first person to try and communicate with me who wasn’t Renjun. It was funny as he was really awkward at first as we couldn’t understand each other, but as time went on, we got closer and our friendship grew.”

I smile widely as I finish talking about my NCT family. Yeseul smiles back, just as wide.

“What about Jaehyun?” My dad asks, “I remember you always telling us how much you loved Jaehyun.”

My smile drops. Jaehyun. I want to see him, he just probably doesn’t want to see me right now, or ever. 

“Well,” I begin, looking down at my lap, “Jaehyun and I aren’t getting along so well right now.”

I can feel the stares burning into the back of my head. 

“Why not?” Yeseul asks softly. 

“Because I tried to kill him,” I whisper out, hoping that if I say it quiet enough it won’t be true. 

“Chenle,” My mum gasps, causing me to feel uneasy. 

“I was when I had my outburst,” I splutter out, trying to redeem myself, “I don’t know what happened. One minute I was helping him with the dishes, and the next I had shoved his head in the sink full of water and tried to drown him. I don’t know what happened.”

I can hear my heart rate on the heart monitor pick up, which alerts Yeseul to try and calm me down. 

“Alright,” Yeseul begins, putting her hands up in a calming manner, “How about we don’t talk about this, and just wait for the others to arrive.”

That seems to calm me down, and we only have to wait less than a minute before Dr Kang comes bursting through the door with Kun, Taeyong, Renjun, Ji-wait, where is Jisung?

“OH MY GOD CHENLE-YAH ARE YOU OKAY?” Kun blurts out in Korean, followed by Taeyong. 

“THE DOCTOR TOLD US WHAT HAPPENED!” Taeyong yells out in Korean right after Kun.

“Hey Lele, how are you feeling?” Renjun asks in Chinese, choosing to take a calmer approach. 

I know I should respond to them, but all I can think about is where Jisung might be. 

“Where is Jisung?” I ask the three of them in Korean, ignoring their questions for the moment. 

They don’t respond. They just stand there looking slightly guilty. 

“Well you see Chenle-yah,” Taeyong starts but Kun cuts him off. 

“Jisung went back to the dorms,” Kun finishes Taeyong’s sentence. 

“What?” I am in shock, “Why?”

The three look at each other. They look unsure if they should say why he isn’t here or not.

“Well,” Renjun begins, but Kun cuts in again.

“We can’t really tell you that Chenle-yah, as we don’t know as to why he went back ourselves.”

My blood runs cold. No one knows as to why Jisung isn’t here. Why did he go back? Did I upset him? Is he okay? All these questions swirl in my head, but I know the only way I will get the answer is if I get it from Jisung himself. 

Guess I just have to wait until I can bust out of this joint.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SORRY FOR THE LATE AND SHORT UPDATE! SORRY! SORRY! SORRY! I WAS GOING TO UPDATE EARLIER BUT STUFF POPPED UP, AND I HADN'T FINISHED THE CHAPTER AND SO I HAD TO QUICKLY FINISH IT BUT JUST AHHHHH! SORRY!
> 
> Sorry again, but on the bright side, this is my last week at school until I get my two week break, so I will have a lot more time to write and I will be able to update sooner and faster. Sorry again, I really am. Also, exciting spoiler for the next chapter, someone in the comments of the last update (Who I will not name as I am unsure if they are okay with me naming them) gave me a brilliant idea for a chapter, which I will use for next week's update. Let's just say, next week's update will add a whole lot more to this story. 
> 
> That's all i have for now as it is currently 9PM where I live and I have school tomorrow and I need to sleep. thank you all as per usual for leaving a comment, kudos, or view on this story and I will update this story again next week. 
> 
> Bye!!!


	15. Jisung

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Warnings, mentions of the Dark-Web, and swearing.*
> 
> This chapter is in Jisung's P.O.V, an idea given to me by the lovely Lemonjisung.

I am an asshole, I know that. I am a major fucking dick, yes, but I am with reason. I am not at the hospital as I can’t face Chenle. I did this to him. I have caused this trauma for him as I was too much of a wuss to deal with it myself. I actually didn’t think it would work at first, I thought it was just a hoax, but oh god how wrong I was. If I only just ignored it, no, if only I didn’t look at it in the first place, then Chenle would be okay. My stupid, stupid curiosity, and that stupid, stupid website. That website is personally responsible for everything wrong in my life right now. This is why you don’t fuck around on the Dark-Web kids, it’ll fuck up everything you love.

“Jisung-ah?”

Oh great, someone is now here, and from the sounds of it, it is Jungwoo. Great, they are probably here to yell at me. Fan-Fucking-Tasic.

“Jisung-ah, where are you?”

Oh Yuta is here too by the sounds of that voice. Great. Two annoying ass Hyungs. Why can’t I just wallow in self-hate for this shit I have done to Chenle? Why must people come after me? Sure I have been alone here for hours now, the time now being like 3AM, Chenle being taken away at around twelve-hours ago, and myself finding out around eleven-hours ago with the other teenage members. We were told the minute we came back to the Dream dorm. Mark, Lucas, Ten, Jungwoo, and Yuta were all in main room of the dorm, Lucas and Mark still crying at that time and Ten drying his and Jungwoo’s tears while Yuta spoke on the phone to Johnny. I remember all of us were scared, Renjun asking where Chenle was, only to have Ten break down again. We were told that he was rushed to the hospital, that he was basically dying and everyone else was there, except for Kun and Sicheng who were at the airport waiting to pick up Chenle’s parents when they arrived. We were told details, and I will never get the sound of Jeno’s sobs out of my head. I have only seen Jeno cry a small handful of times, and that was back when we were all young trainees, and that was like three times max. To see Jeno, one of the strongest people I know, break down like that will forever haunt me. It’ll haunt me more when I remember the reason he cried over Chenle was because Chenle was in the hospital because of me.

“Jisung-ah, come on I know you are awake. According to the messenger app, you were active thirty-minutes ago. Now, where are you?” Yuta sounds really pissed now, if his tone of voice is anything to go by.

As for the question, “Where am I”, I am under my bed. Childish I know, but it is my safe space. I have been crammed under here since I fought with Mark about not going to see Chenle eleven-hours ago. He wanted me to go with them to see Chenle, but I couldn’t. I can’t. I can’t go to the hospital, see Chenle hooked up to different machines that won’t help him at all. Sure, I know he isn’t going to die from rabies, I knew that the minute I was told that the doctors suspect he has rabies, but that doesn’t mean he won’t die. What I did to Chenle is something that almost always leads to death. This curse I put upon him will drive him to a form of insanity that is so intense that almost everyone who suffers it will kill themselves. From what I read, there have only been five people who have managed to break this curse sprung upon them, and they refuse to share how they did it in fear of it coming back. Another thing, these five people are adults, Chenle is a child. There is no way Chenle will be able to save himself from this. No way.

“Jisung-ah if you don’t tell us where you are in the next five seconds we will personally tear this place apart until we find you,” Jungwoo calls out angrily.

Wow, I got Jungwoo mad, better revel myself. Just kidding. They are full of shit. They won’t do that. They are all bark, no bite. It is like when Chenle says he will eat my food if I don’t eat it fast enough. He never does, he just says he will. Oh, and I am thinking about Chenle again. I wonder if a side effect of this curse is having the perpetrator constantly think about the victim and being eaten alive by the guilt. Maybe not, maybe it is just me, or maybe it is because this fucking curse is meant for enemies, not best friends. Why am I so fucking stupid? I could have just used this fucking curse on one of the shitheads at my school, but nope, I used it on my best-fucking-friend. Fuck me.

“Jisung-ah, stop playing!” Jungwoo is now in my room, he is getting warmer.

“Jisung-ah!” You are also getting warmer Yuta.

I know I should probably give up now and come out from under the bed and face them, but I don’t want to. Actually, now that I think about it, I am technically under Renjun’s bed. Renjun and I have a bunk bed in the room we share with Jeno, and for me to hide under the bed on the lower bunk is technically hiding under Renjun’s bed as he sleeps on the bottom bunk. I sleep in the top bunk, so to hide under my bed I would have to lie on Renjun’s bed. Hey, I just realised something! I am not thinking about Chen-oh shit. Now I am thinking about Chenle. By thinking about how I am not thinking about Chenle means I am thinking about Chenle. Fuck, why is it so hard to stop thinking about him? Maybe it is because I have fucking killed him. Well, he isn’t dead yet, but give him a maximum of a month and then he will be. He will kill himself and I will forever have to live with the guilt that I did that too him.

“Jisung-ah we can see,” Yuta tells me, crouching under the bed where I am hid.

I curl further into myself, studying the colouration and fabrics of the dirty carpet. It is rather interesting actually. It is a dark brown colour, with a sort of woollen fabric and soft, yet scratchy, texture. Interesting. It is a lot more interesting than whatever Yuta and Jungwoo have to say.

“Jisung-ah, do you want to come out from under there and talk to us?” Jungwoo asks, sticking his head under the bed.

I actually would rather not, Jungwoo. You see I actually quite like it under here. You got some dust that itches my face, some dirty carpet that is actually quite comforting despite the fact it scratches my skin, there are some socks of Renjun’s and a few of mine, and the best bit, this creepy ass Moomin doll that keeps staring at me. So no Jungwoo, I do not want to come out and talk to you and Yuta, I would like to stay here.

“Come on Jisung-ah,” Jungwoo tries again, but I won’t budge.

I wonder if I can turn around and face the wall under here? Well, better give it a shot. It is like turn over in bed I guess, just you have a roof literally like six-inches from your face. Well, you don’t know unless you try.

“Jisung-ah what are you doing?” What does it look like Jungwoo, “No don’t do that, you will get stuck. Come here.”

I feel hands reach under the bed to grab a hold of me and pull me out. I don’t want to come out. I want to stay here. I claw at the carpet as I feel Jungwoo’s and grab hold of my waist and slowly pull me out.

“Jisung-ah you are being ridiculous,” Yuta frowns at me as he watches Jungwoo struggle to get me out.

“No,” I grunt, gripping at the thin carpet fibres tighter.

“Jisung-ah come out now,” Yuta tells me, reaching under the bed to help pull me out.

The two of them manage to succeed, dragging me out from my safe-space and out into the harsh reality of now. Thanks, now I am going to have to try and run.

“Don’t even think about it,” Yuta growls at me, pulling me up to his chest and holding onto me.

“I wasn’t going to do anything,” I mutter as I struggle against his hold.

“Sure you weren’t,” Yuta scoffs at me, tightening his hold, “Now stop acting like a child and talk to us.”

“But I am a child,” I retort, struggling harder, pushing at Yuta’s arms.

“Alright then Jisung-ah,” Jungwoo speaks up, “If you are a child then we will bring back rules you originally removed because you said you weren’t one.”

I stop struggling. Trust Jungwoo to twist my words around and use them against me.

“So that means,” Jungwoo continues once he realises he has my somewhat attention, “You go to bed when you are told to, you have to ask us for food, no leaving the dorms without someone who is an adult, you have to ask an adult if you want to go somewhere and have to wait for their response, you need to have an adult with you at the dorms at all times so you aren’t allowed to be alone, and you must tell us when something is wrong. How does that sound for rules if you are still a child?”

“This is unfair,” I whine, struggling against Yuta once again.

Damn when did he get this fucking strong?

“You know what else is unfair?” Yuta chimes in, “Leaving your best friend alone in hospital when he is asking for you.”

I stop struggling once again and sigh. I know it is unfair, but what else was I supposed to do? Go to the hospital and have to face him only to know that he will probably be right back in there in like a month, only this time dead due to a suicide attempt I caused? Fuck that, I would rather end all friendship I ever had with him just to avoid that. I can’t do it. I fucked up enough already.

“Jisung-ah what’s wrong?” Jungwoo sighs, looking at me.

“Nothing,” I mumble, knowing that answer never works.

“Yeah and I can speak Arabic,” Yuta snorts in disproval, “Tells us what is really wrong now Jisung or I won’t hesitate to force it out of you.”

“And how will you do that?” I snap, turning my head to face him, “What are you going to do? Hit me until I cave in? Go through my shit until you find a clue or something equally as bullshit? Hound me with questions until I cave and tell you? What, what will you do?”

“Don’t test us Jisung-ah,” Yuta growls at me, tightening his hold again, “You are acting like a real brat.”

“Maybe I don’t want to tell you what’s wrong!” I yell at Yuta, twisting in his grasp so I am facing him, “Maybe I just want to be left alone.”

“Well you lost that right when you refused to come see Chenle with us and wouldn’t tell us why!” Yuta yells back at me, pushing me more towards Jungwoo, who I now have my back facing to.

“I DIDN’T WANT TO SEE CHENLE BECAUSE I DID THIS TO HIM!” I scream at the top of my lungs, getting in Yuta’s face as I yell at him.

Yuta’s grip loosens, and I am able to escape. I push at his chest, jumping up and running out of the room. I run to the only room in the dorm with a lock, the bathroom.

“JISUNG-AH! JISUNG-AH COME BACK HERE RIGHT NOW!” I hear Yuta and Jungwoo yell after me.

I ignore them. I just run into the bathroom, slamming the door shut and looking the door before they can get to me. Why did I say that? Why did I tell Yuta I am responsible for what happened to Chenle? Sure he is going to be confused, but once I explain it, he is going to kill me. Everyone will hate me and Chenle will die wishing he had never even spoken to me. This is all my fault because I am fucking idiot who goes on the Dark-Web and curses their fucking best friend.

“JISUNG-AH!” Yuta yells angrily, “JISUNG-AH OPEN THIS DOOR NOW!”

“NO!” I scream out at him, flopping down onto the floor “JUST FUCK OFF YUTA!”

I know I am being highly disrespectful, but I don’t care. I am a fucking murderer, might as well take it the extra mile and lose all sense of respect for my elders I once had.

“JISUNG-AH HOW DARE YOU SPEAK TO ME LIKE THAT!” Yuta bashes on the door, rattling the handle.

I know I jokes earlier about Yuta hitting me until I told him everything, but he seems so angry right now I think he might just hit me, not even to get the answers out of me, just to hit me.

“JUST LEAVE ME ALONE!” I yell back, throwing my hands over my ears and looking down to the dirty tiles in anger.

With all the screaming, I am pretty sure we have woken up everyone in this complex.

“JISUNG-AH!” Yuta screams one last time before the bang turns into harsh slams.

From the sounds of it, Yuta is throwing his body against the door in hopes to push it open. From the forces of it, it sounds like he might.

“YUTA-HYUNG STOP!” I hear Jungwoo yell and the slamming stops, “MY GOD WITH ALL THIS YELLING YOU WOKE UP ALF OF THE COMPLEX AND I HAD A VERY SCARED TRANEE KNOCK ON THE DOOR AND ASK IF WE NEED POLICE! STOP THIS! YELLING AT HIM WON’T GET HIM TO TALK!”

The dorm falls silent after Jungwoo finishes yelling. The only thing I can now hear is the sound of Yuta’s and my own heavy breaths and the soft rumble of the Seoul city traffic outside.

“Just, go back to your dorm, call Taeyong and tell him what is happening, I will try and talk to Jisung,” Jungwoo calmly tells Yuta after a few moments of silence, “Also, go apologise to all trainees and fellow idols you have woken with your screaming. You seem to have sacred them greatly. The kid who knocked at the door looked to be the same again as our ’00 liners and was very scared.”

“Fine,” Yuta sighs, “Tell me if you get through to him.”

I listen to Yuta’s footsteps fade away, following their sound until I hear the front door to the dorm open and then slam shut.

“Jisung-ah?” Jungwoo calls out to me softly after a few minutes, “Jisung-ah can you please open the door?”

I debate on whether or not I should. On one hand, he doesn’t sound angry like Yuta, but on the other hand if I open the door he will make me talk and I don’t want to tell him what I have done. Well, I kind have already blurted it out, but I don’t want to tell them in detail about how I went on to the Dark-Web, illegally, found a page on there that was supposedly cursed, tested it out on Chenle and then cursed him for life, or until he inevitably kills himself.

“Ok Jisung-ah,” Jungwoo sighs as I remain silent, “If you won’t open the door, I will just talk to you through the door.”

I hear a soft thud as Jungwoo sits down outside the door, back leaning against it.

“Let’s start easy,” He begins softly, “Why did you not want to see Chenle today when he was taken to hospital?”

I want to remain silent, but I know I can’t. Jungwoo is persistent, and he will sit here for all of eternity until I tell him, and to be honest, I feel like I kind of need to get this off my chest.

“Because I am responsible for why he is there,” I whisper back, sifting closer to the door slightly so I can be heard.

“Why do you think that Jisung-ah?” Jungwoo asks, a hint of concern in his voice.

“Because I put a curse on him,” I admit painfully, my heart breaking as I hear myself speak those words.

“And how did you do that Jisung-ah?” Jungwoo whispers, keeping his tone calming yet firm despite the hint of concern that leaks through.

“With a website,” I feel my throat constrict the more I talk.

“How did the website curse him?” Jungwoo asks, his voice becoming quieter the more he asks questions.

“It was on the Dark-Web,” I murmur out, feeling extremely guilty, “It was a page I found. It said if you show someone this page and ask them what they think the person will talk about something they have a subconscious fear about, but like indirectly, so it would just be based off their fear but not really their full fear. They will then be affected by this in anyway way from dreams to full blown hallucinations and it will slowly drive them to a point of insanity to where they kill themselves. I thought it was just a hoax, but, but then Chenle had that dream, and well, then I knew I fucked up, big time. Chenle, he is going to die. He, he is going to kill himself.”

Jungwoo is quiet for a long time. He is so quiet that I believe he has left, but he speaks up after what feels like forever.

“How do you know that this is actually what is wrong with Chenle?” Jungwoo asks me, his voice laced in fear.

“Because,” I begin, hugging my knees to my chest, “The page I was on was a blank page that just said, ‘Show this to someone you and ask them what they think of it’. I thought it was just a load of shit, but still decided to show it to someone out of curiosity. Chenle was near me at the time, so I showed him. I thought it would be funny to see him be all confused about it and wonder what it was, but he wasn’t like that. He looked at the page for so long, and then started talking about it. He talked about something called ‘Black Dahlia’ and was kind of shocked about how gruesome it was and asked why I was googling this murder case. I lied and told him it was for a novel I want to write. I thought he was pulling my leg, because it was ridiculous for him to actually be able to get information off a page like that when all I could see was that phrase. After that, I googled the page on the normal internet to see if anyone else had heard of it, and all these people were talking about how good it is for revenge, for murder. I was confused and so read more, which is where I found all that information I said before. It wasn’t until a while later that I realised the curse had latched itself onto Chenle. Right after his first dream, I knew he was doomed.”

Once again, I am left in silence as Jungwoo processes what I just told him. This time, the silence is longer.

“Jisung-ah,” Jungwoo speaks up, “I am going to ask two questions.”

“Okay,” I agree reluctantly.

“First one,” He begins, “Why were you on the Dark-Web?”

“I was bored, and I remembered a kid in my Sociology class talking about it, so I googled how to get onto it, and with like a week of working on my computer, I got on,” I tell Jungwoo truthfully, “I was really just bored. I had no intentions of actually doing anything bad, I just wanted to check it out.”

“Okay,” Jungwoo sighs, “Second one, how do you know that this is what is causing this to happen to Chenle?”

“Because Chenle fears murder, being murdered and murdering others,” I state, thinking back to the day that this curse was set, “Chenle has said in the past he never wants to die, so when I showed him that page, it brought up a subconscious fear of death and brought it up in the form of an American murder case called ‘Black Dahlia’. I can almost guarantee, that these dreams he is having now are all about murder. Murder cases that are real, but he has just never heard of them. That’s how this thing works. It drives you to insanity by doing tricks like this.”

This time there is no silence before Jungwoo speaks again.

“Jisung-ah, I order you as your Hyung to open this door right now,” Jungwoo commands me in a form of authority I have only ever heard once in my lifetime from one of my Hyungs and it was from Taeyong when NCT first debuted.

In fear and defeat, I stand up and unlock the door. I look up to see Jungwoo standing there outside the door. His arms are crossed over his chest, and he has an unreadable expression on his face. I feel so small and young looking at him right now.

“Jisung-ah, where is your computer?” Jungwoo asks, shocking me briefly before I realise what is happening.

“No please don’t take my computer,” I beg, looking up at him, nausea churning in my stomach.

“Computer and phone please Jisung-ah,” Jungwoo orders, holding out his hand, “Now.”

“No,” I whimper, feeling childish for having tears prick in my eyes.

“Jisung-ah, I am not asking, I am telling,” Jungwoo scowls at me, making me feel smaller than I really am, “You clearly can’t be trusted with technology, so I will be taking it until you can be trusted.”

“But,” I try but am cut of quickly.

“Jisung-ah now.”

I sigh, putting my head down. I push past Jungwoo, my head still down as to hide the burn of tears in my eyes. I head down the hall to my shared room with Renjun and Jeno, walking to so I can retrieve my phone and computer. Jungwoo follows me close behind, putting his hand up quickly on the door as to prevent me from slamming it in his face. I walk over the bunk bed I share with Renjun, crouching down and pulling my iPhone 7+ out from below the bottom bunk where I left it. I look mournfully at the cracked screen of my phone and the plain black and red patterned phone case it is sat in before I walk back over to Jungwoo with the device in hand, putting it in his outstretched palm.

“Computer too Jisung-ah,” Jungwoo tells me, pocketing my phone.

“But I need that for school,” I try, but Jungwoo has already thought ahead of me.

“And you will have it for school,” He tells me, “You will be able to use it outside of school under the supervision of a trustworthy adult like Taeyong-Hyung or I, and you will have a USB you can bring to school to use on the school computers.”

I sigh, knowing there is no way to win, so I admit my defeat. I walk over to the room’s desk, tears threatening to fall, and grab the Dell laptop that is mine. It is easy to tell who owns what laptop in here. Renjun’s laptop is covered in Moomin stickers and is an Asus laptop, and Jeno’s laptop is HP laptop and it cover in various scratches and dents. Mine is just a simple Dell laptop covered in pictures of some of my favourite Idols, like Kai from EXO, Jimin from BTS, and Taemin from SHINEE. I am going to miss this laptop.

“Thank you,” Jungwoo tells me as he grabs my laptop from my grasp, holding it in his.

I don’t know what to say. I have just had something confiscated from me for the first time since I became and Idol living in dorms. It has been years. It feels weird.

“When are the others coming home?” I ask softly, my head still down.

“They aren’t,” Jungwoo tells me causing my head to snap up, “Jeno, Jaemin, and Haechan have gone back home to their parents. After seeing Chenle they were all so shocked and upset that the managers contacted their parents as a way in hopes to calm them down a bit. It worked as apparently as soon as they got home they all had a bit of a cry and then relaxed. Jeno’s mum even sent a photo of Jeno curled up asleep with his cats to one of the managers to let us know he was doing alright.”

Jungwoo laughs lightly at that.

“What about Renjun and Mark?” I ask confused as both of their parents live overseas.

“Mark is staying at the hospital with Johnny, Taeyong, and Kun tonight as to be close to Chenle should anything happen, and Renjun is feeling homesick and scared so he is staying at my dorm with Sicheng-Hyung and Lucas,” Jungwoo informs me, making me feel slightly upset.

I want to go home, even if it just for the night. I want to see my parents, and my Hyung, my real Hyung by blood, and I want to sleep in my old childhood bed. I want to just go home, cry into my mother’s arms over my best friend, and then go to sleep in the house I was meant to grow up in if I wasn’t made an Idol.

“Hey,” Jungwoo whispers, catching my attention, “Do you want to go home too?”

I nod, a sob catching in my throat causing a few tears to roll out of my eyes.

“Come on,” Jungwoo sighs, tucking my laptop under his right arm and holding out his left for me to grab onto, “I will bring you back to mine and then contact the company, so they can all your parents.”

I heave a sob as I nod my head in approval. I grab hold of Jungwoo’s left hand with both my hands and allow him to pull me out of the room. Somehow, with holding my hands and computer, Jungwoo manages to turn off all the lights in the Dream dorm, close all the doors, and lock up without letting go of either things once.

“Come on,” Jungwoo whispers to me once we are outside the dorm, “Let’s go to mine.”

NCT U’s dorm is just located down the hall, a little further than NCT 127’s dorm, but not to far. Despite the walk being short, my sobs and unwillingness to open my eyes and look up makes the journey longer than it should be. Jungwoo doesn’t mind though. He is calm and patient through the whole short walk from the Dream dorm to the U dorm. He doesn’t care that I am walking slow, or that I am sobbing loudly, or that I have his hand I a vice grip. He doesn’t care. He just walks slowly, making sure I am okay before we reach the front door to the dorm. Not letting go of my laptop or hands, he knocks lightly on the door, not too loud, but loud enough for someone to hear. The door swings open seconds later to reveal a rather worn out looking Doyoung. Huh, that’s odd. Doyoung almost never sleeps at U’s dorm. I don’t even think he has a bed here. He is normally always at 127’s dorm.

“Oh thank god you are okay,” Doyoung collapses verbally, grabbing hold of me and pulling me into a tight hug, “We could hear you and Yuta-Hyung yelling, oh god I was so scared.”

I don’t have enough energy or effort to respond. I just let go of Jungwoo’s hand and throw my arms around Doyoung, sobbing into his shoulder.

“Jungwoo-ah what happened?” Doyoung asks in concern, gripping hold of me tighter.

“I will explain later,” Jungwoo sighs in exhaustion, “For now we need to get Jisung inside and I would like to call the company to get the to try and get a hold of his parents. I think it is best if he goes home to his family like the rest of the kids.”

“Might want to be quiet about that,” Doyoung warns quietly, “Renjun is here and Sicheng and Lucas have had no luck in calming him down. He is still crying and still is really homesick.”

“I hate that the company allows kids as young as Renjun to just leave their families and take on a whole new life as a celebrity. They miss out on their childhood and it is especially hard for kids who aren’t originally from Korea.”

I hear Doyoung hum in agreement, before he quietly pulls me inside, not releasing me from the hug.

“I’ll go sit down on the couch with Jisung, you go call the company,” Doyoung tells Jungwoo, before slowly directing me to the couch.

“What’s the matter Jisung-ah?” Doyoung murmurs to me once we are seated, his arms still wrapped around me in a tight hug.

I know what is the matter, I can physically tell Doyoung what is the matter, but I mentally do not want to tell Doyoung what is the matter. Since I mentally don’t want to tell him, I just shrug shakily as I sob.

“Hey, it’s okay,” Doyoung soothes me, stroking my hair, “You are probably just tired, homesick, and in a bit of shock, aren’t you?”

I just nod, despite the fact that isn’t entirely true. Sure I am tired, and sure I am homesick, and yeah, I am a little bit in shock, but that isn’t why I am crying. I am crying because I have basically ended my best friend’s life and even worse, I told someone what I did. Doyoung doesn’t talk anymore after that, and I slowly begin to calm down. As I calm down, my ears become aware to soft sobs echoing in the dorm. The sobs belong to Renjun. Doyoung wasn’t kidding when he said Renjun was still really upset. Accompanying the sobs, is some soft singing, which sound like it could be in Chinese as well as someone murmuring that also sounds like it is in the same language. Those sounds of song and murmur must being Sicheng and Lucas trying to calm down Renjun. I feel really guilty now for going home when I know he wants nothing more to but can’t.

“I called the company, they said Jisung’s parents are on their way,” Jungwoo whispers as he enters the room I am in with Doyoung.

“How long will the be?” Doyoung asks in a whisper as well.

“About thirty-minutes max,” Jungwoo answers before the three of us fall into a comfortable silence, the only noise being the three Chinese boys down the hall.

As we wait, I feel my body grow weary, my eyes begin to droop, and my head begins to grow heavy. I faintly hear Doyoung whisper something along the lines of “I am going to try and get him to sleep a bit before his parents come” before I feel my body being lower slowly so that I am lying across Doyoung’s lap. Normally I would protest this sort of behaviour, but it is like four in the morning and I have just been wallowing in guilt and self-hate most of the night before screaming at Yuta, confessing everything to Jungwoo, and now practically crying myself to sleep in Doyoung’s arms. In simple words, I am fucking tired. I allow my body to slowly drift of, sitting in weird state of asleep and awake. I become a little more aware when a soft knock is heard at the door, which must mean my parents are here now. I hear the door open, and hushed whispers between my parents, one of the managers, and Jungwoo.

“How long has he been asleep?” I hear the soft murmur of my mum’s voice, something that is like pure heaven to me right now.

“Around twenty-minutes or so,” Doyoung whispers back, stroking my hair lightly.

After that I kind of tune out the rest of what is whispered, choosing to focus on the warmth of Doyoung under my head. My senses pop back suddenly as I feel my body being moved around, causing me to whine out in protest.

“It’s okay Jisungie,” I hear my dad shush me softly, “I got you.”

I vaguely realise that must mean my dad has picked me up, but I can’t be bothered to fully process this. I allow my head to rest of his shoulder, my body curling in to his chest, and I succumb to the sweet release of sleep as I feel my body being carried out the door. Guilt nips at my mind as I realise that I can easily fall asleep, but Chenle can’t because of what I did to him. Why should I be allowed to sleep easy after what I did? I don’t deserve sleep after what I did.

I don’t deserve to live after what I did.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, this chapter is up earlier than usual. I normally upload around 4:30PM 5:00PM where I live, but today it is up at 1:00PM which is great. Would have uploaded earlier, but i woke up thirty-minutes ago so yeah, I am lazy. As i said before, this chapter was inspired by a lovely comment from Lemonjisung, who suggested a chapter in Jisung's P.O.V and i thought it would work so well in this story that i just had to add it in, and what better place to put it after the last chapter where Jisung didn't show up to meet Chenle in hospital. Anyways, a big, big, big, BIG, thank you to Lemonjisung for this amazing suggestion for a chapter, honestly is was so perfect. 
> 
> Anyways, speaking of suggestions, I am off school for two weeks, and have nothing to do. I have already written up the chapters for next week's update and the week after that, and have started on another update that will be up in three weeks, so i am pretty bored and want something to do. I thought, if any of you would like, you could suggest a short story about a Kpop group, it doesn't have to be NCT, you would like to see. It doesn't matter what it is, just preferably nothing sexual as I am not comfortable sexualising people. Other than that, i will be happy to write anything, but there is a the chance I may not know the group. If that is the case, I will let you know, but please feel free to suggest something if you would like to, but if you don't you do not have to. 
> 
> Okay, that is all I have for now, I will update again next week. Thank you as always for leaving a comment, view, or kudos on this story, it always warms my heart when you guys do that so thank you. 
> 
> Bye!


	16. Rage

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Warnings, mentions of, Psychotic episodes, and swearing.*

It is now five in the morning here at the hospital, and I am refusing to sleep. Well, refusing isn’t the correct word. I am delaying sleep. Yeah, delaying sleep, not refusing. You see, I have pieced it together, if I sleep I dream, if I dream I die, if I die I wake up in a state of terror, if I wake up in a state of terror I will freak out and hurt those around me. Yeah, no sleep for me tonight. My parents and members are desperate in trying to get me to sleep, but I just can’t. My hospital room is slightly crowded with Taeyong, Johnny, Kun, and Mark all being here along with my parents, but I don’t care. With them all here, I can focus on staying awake by talking to them or watching them interact with one another. So far, I have noticed that my parents are getting along with Kun quite nicely, as he is very mature and is able to speak Chinese with them, and I have also noticed my parents find Johnny’s struggles in communication quite funny. Taeyong seems to be trying to keep a professional manner in all of this, so he is keep conversation very minimal and professional as to seem like a good leader. I bet, if my parents weren’t here and it wasn’t butt-o’clock in the morning, Taeyong would be laughing and joking around with me to help me feel better. Mark seemed like he was trying to keep a similar level of professionalism as Taeyong, but gave up and is now asleep in the corner of the room. My dad offered him his chair to sleep in, but Mark being the kind of person he is denied and ended up asleep on the floor. I feel bad for him. He is barely of age here in Korea and he is already trying so hard to care for me. He is only two years older. He does not need this sort of pressure or responsibility. None of them do. We are all young. This is not their job to look out for me, but here they are, at a hospital in the early hours of the morning just to make sure they are on hand should something happen, and my parents aren’t able to help me in time before professional help arrives.

“You tired yet Chenle?” My mum whispers to me softly in Chinese, reaching up to stroke my hair.

I shake her off lightly, trying to seem somewhat not like a needy baby in front of my Hyungs. I know that it is pointless as they have all seen me cry over the fact Jisung took my food and the fact when they all came to see my I was still clinging on to my dad’s arm for comfort of the whole situation. Yeah, them not seeing me as a baby went out the window long ago.

“No I am fine mum,” I respond in Chinese, a bit louder than her which catches Kun’s attention.

“Something wrong?” Kun asks us in Chinese, leaving Taeyong and Johnny out as the two are unable to speak the language.

“Just asking Chenle if he is tired yet,” My mum answers Kun with a warm, yet tired, smile, “He says he isn’t.”

I feel kind of bad for staying awake as that means my parents won’t sleep and they look so tired. I can’t blame them. They literally jumped on the first plane they could, my mum probably crying the whole time, and the minute they got off the plane rushed to the hospital with Kun and Sicheng explaining everything to them. Of course they are going to be tired.

“Why don’t you two go and have a little rest?” Kun suggests politely to my parents, “You have travelled all the way from China, you have been stressing non-stop about your son, you ought to be exhausted. I will look out for Chenle, along with Taeyong, Johnny, and Mark, if Mark wakes up that is.”

My mum smiles a laugh at that, but still seems hesitant to go to sleep.

“Trust me Mr and Mrs Zhong,” Kun smiles softly at them, “If anything happens I will call for a doctor and wake you two right away.”

“I am not to sure Kun,” My dad mumbles, reaching out to rub my stomach like he has done on and off the whole time I have been awake and aware since the incident.

“Trust me Mr Zhong,” Kun smiles softly at him, trying his hardest to give off a comforting presence, “I will make it my person mission to take care of Chenle why to and Mrs Zhong get some rest. If anything happens, anything at all, I will wake you two immediately, I promise. Please trust me, you two look absolutely exhausted. You won’t be able to be much help to Chenle if you are too exhausted.”

“But what about Chenle?” My dad continues after Kun finishes his mini speech, “He is still awake. I am worried about him. He has had a big day, so shouldn’t he be asleep by now?”

“He was asleep for a while, put on some heavy medications to keep him that way, so he maybe not be tired for a while,” Kun explains and I silently thank Kun for that genius excuse, “But if it makes you feel any better, I can try and get him to sleep. If you want I could go, get a nurse to see if they can give him something to help him sleep.”

I take it back. No thank you Kun I don’t want to sleep. After that last dream of being brutally burned and cut up, while I was still alive, I don’t think I will be sleeping for a while.

“Come on Qiang,” My mu sighs, calling my dad by his first name, “Kun here is right, we can’t be on alert and at Chenle’s need if we are too tired. Chenle seems to be doing fine right now, and Kun even said he will try and get Chenle to sleep, so let’s just trust him and try to rest.”

“I-Okay,” My dad wants to protest, but can’t seem to find it in him to.

“Don’t worry, I will make sure I give Chenle my full attention while you two rest,” Kun tells my parents politely, offering them a small bow as a show of respect.

My parents smile at him, sweet smiles that hold a million thanks.

“Thank you so much Kun,” My mum tells him, bowing her head to him as to show her gratitude towards Kun, “But please, if you get too tired or if you are unable to watch over Chenle, please, wake either Qiang or myself.”

“Will do Mrs Zhong,” Kun smiles at my mum.

“Oh enough with all this Mr and Mrs stuff, call us Qiang and Li,” My mum laughs lightly, granting her permission for Kun to call her and my dad by their first names rather than the family name.

“That’s right Kun,” My dad laughs lightly, “You calling us by the family name makes me feel old.”

“You are darling,” My mum jokes, smirking at my dad in a humorous manner.

I laugh loudly at this, but smack my hand over my mouth as to make sure my laughter doesn’t wake Mark, who is still fast asleep in the corner of the room. My laughter luckily doesn’t wake Mark, but manages to grab the attention of Taeyong and Johnny, who have spent the whole time in a state of confusion since neither can speak Chinese all that well.

“Sorry for being rude,” Taeyong pipes up in Korean, gaining the attention of the four of us, “But what are you saying? Johnny and I have very limited knowledge in Chinese.”

Kun and I laugh softly at their confusion, but my parents remain silent as they have no idea what was said. I guess it is their turn to be confused.

“I am just trying to convince Chenle’s parents to rest a bit as they must be exhausted. I am telling them that I will take care of Chenle and look out for him while they rest,” Kun explains to Taeyong and Johnny in Korean before smoothly switching to Chinese to explain what Taeyong was asking to my parents.

“I agree with Kun Mr and Mrs Zhong,” Johnny speaks up in Korean, “You should get some rest while we watch over Chenle for you.”

Kun translates what Johnny says for my parents, which makes me wonder if we should have gotten Yeseul to stay. I mean, she is fluent in both languages and has an easier time translating than Kun does. I mean, Kun is good, but he is like me. He understands bits and pieces, enough to get by and hold conversations in both languages, but not enough to actually be fluent in both languages like Yeseul. 

“Chenle,” My mum calls my attention, grabbing hold of my right hand, “You dad and I will go to sleep, but if something is wrong, tell Kun and he will wake us immediately, so don’t worry. Also, please to let Kun know if something is wrong, we don’t want to you suffer in silence. Even if it is something as simple as you need the bathroom, let Kun know so he can alert us.”

“Mum I am not four,” I mutter, slightly embarrassed by the attention I am getting, “I don’t need you and dad with me if I am going to the bathroom.”

“Baby, we you are sick,” My mum tries to reason, “I just want to make sure you are safe and okay. Having your dad and I on alert when you are in the bathroom won’t be a bad thing. It is just in case something happens, and you end up collapsing or something.”

I feel my face grow red. The idea of passing out mid piss and having to have my parents come in and help me is highly embarrassing. I know I said before that having my parents being protective of me was nice since I missed them, but now it is getting embarrassing and kind of annoying. I can also see Kun trying hard to hold back laughter, so thanks for that Kun.

“Don’t worry,” Kun cuts in, “I promise I will make sure Chenle doesn’t collapse in the bathroom Mrs Zhong.”

“Kun what did I say, call me Li,” My mum lightly teases, “And thank you.”

Kun apologises briefly for calling my mum “Mrs Zhong”, before my parents start saying their goodnights to me.

“Try and get some sleep Chenle,” My dad tells me, leaning over to give me a kiss on the head.

My mum hold onto my right hand, and my dad rests him left hand on my stomach, before the two of them allow their minds to slow down and fall asleep. They finally look peaceful when they fall asleep, my mum still holding on loosely to my hand and my dad’s hand resting heavily on my stomach.

“They asleep?” I hear Taeyong whisper in Korean to Kun.

“Yeah,” Kun responds in Korean, his voice nothing more than a soft whisper, “Now let’s see if we can get Chenle to sleep.”

“I am right here,” I whisper back in Korean angrily, “And I am not tired at all.”

“Sure you aren’t Chenle-yah,” Johnny scoffs out in a whisper.

I glare at Johnny, cold and hard. Sure, I am slightly tired, but not enough to sleep. I don’t think I am going to be sleeping for a while, not after I realised that every time I fall asleep I dream those dreams.

“Let’s just leave it for now,” Taeyong sighs quietly, rubbing a hand over his face, “Chenle will sleep when he wants to. There is no use starting a fight and waking up his parents.”

After that statement, Johnny and Kun fall silent, signalling a form of defeat. I am happy for that as I do not want to fight them on this. The room is silent, and as I observer the room, I notice some small things. I notice that it is like three in the morning, that Mark has started to softly mumble in English in his sleep, and that I never found out fully why Jisung never came to see me.

“Where is Jisung?” I ask in Korean, gaining the attention of those remaining awake.

“He is at the dorms,” Johnny tells me, his face looking mildly angry.

I go to respond, but am cut off by the sound of a phone ringing.

“Oh shit,” Taeyong curses softly, pulling his ringing phone out his pocket and answering it before it wakes my parents, “Hello? Jungwoo-yah?”

Jungwoo is calling Taeyong? That is odd. I listen in closely to see why Jungwoo is calling Taeyong.

“Wait what happened?” Taeyong asks down the phone sounding confused.

There is muffled frantic talking on the other end of the line. I can’t make out what is said, but I can make out the tone of voice.

“Is Jisung okay?” Taeyong gasps softly, shortly followed by more frantic sounding speech from Jungwoo.

Huh, what a coincidence that Jisung is mentioned when I am asking for him.

“What do you mean he had a freak out?”

Wait, is Jisung alright?

“He blames himself? What are you telling me Jungwoo?”

Blames himself? What does Jisung blame himself for? Is it for me? Does he blame himself for what happened to me?

“Okay.”

Okay? Okay what? Is Jisung okay?

“So his parents got him?”

His parents? What do Jisung’s parents have to do with this?

“Okay I will.”

I will what? Come on Taeyong, give me a bit more information.

“Let me know if things get any worse and yell at Yuta for me.”

Yuta? Why is Jungwoo yelling at Yuta?

“Okay, bye.”

Bye? No I need more information. What happened to Jisung? What does he blame himself for? What do his parents have to do with this? Why is Jungwoo yelling at Yuta? These are answers I need.

“Everything okay Taeyong?” Johnny asks, concern coating his face.

Taeyong looks at me, a look of worry on his face, before he motions for Johnny and Kun to come over to him, away from me. The two of them walk over to Taeyong, each looking equally as concerned, and I want to know why I can’t hear what is said. I listen in as best as possible, but I am unable to pick up much due to the low volume of their voices and the fact they are facing away. The only things I am able to hear are “Jisung”, “Chenle”, “Guilty”, and “Home”. Those four words are all I am able to make sense of. The rest are just either inaudible or I am not entirely sure of the meaning as the pronunciation is muffled.

“What’s happening?” I whine out softly, hoping for someone to tell me.

Three pairs of worried eyes turn to me. No one looks willing to tell me the truth.

“Nothing Chenle,” Kun tells me in Chinese, hoping the familiar language will calm me down.

It doesn’t.

“Kun-Hyung just tell me what is happening?” I complain, speaking in Korean to show him that I won’t fall for his trick.

“Chenle-yah, calm down,” Taeyong tries, putting his hands up in defence.

“No!” I yell, causing my parents to stir in their sleep at the noise, “Tell me what is happening!”

“Chenle-yah,” Johnny scolds in a whisper, “Stop yelling, you will wake Mark and your parents.”

“JUST TELL ME WHAT IS HAPPENING!” I scream, the familiar anger I felt with Jaehyun flowing into my body.

My parents beside me bolt awake, and Mark shoots awake in the corner.

“Chenle what’s wrong?” My mum frantically asks, fussing over me.

I push the hands of my mum away, and jump out of the bed, ignoring the ache in my back from where I had the spinal tap and the frantic beeping of my heart-monitor as my heart rate increases.

“Chenle!” My dad yells out, jumping out of his chair to get to me, “Chenle get back into bed!”

“NO TELL ME WHAT HAPPENED TO JISUNG!” I yell out, my mind switching the words from Korean to Chinese in my blind fury, shoving my dad away from me in blind anger, “I HEARD YOU MENTION HIS NAME! WHAT HAPPENED TO HIM?!”

“CHENLE!” My mum yells in shock, jumping up to grab a hold of me.

“KUN-AH GO GET A DOCTOR!” Taeyong yells as Johnny runs to Mark, who is now wide awake and shaking in fear.

“LET ME GO!” I scream out in Chinese as my mum grabs a hold of me to try and calm me down.

I try to shake her off, using my height to my advantage as she is nearly a full head shorter than me. It doesn’t work though as my dad sees my plans and grabs onto me, using his height to hold me still. My dad is taller than me, being six-foot and myself being five-foot-nine, so he succeeds in keeping me still.

“NO!” I scream, still speaking Chinese, “NO LET ME GO! I’LL FUCKING KILL YOU LET ME GO YOU FUCKING SON OF A BITCH!”

All sense of respect has left me, and I am just filled with a murderous rage. I don’t care at this point that I am threatening to kill my parents. At this point I am thinking of all the ways I can kill everyone in this fucking hospital room. I am thinking about how easy it would be to gut Taeyong using a scalpel, and how fun it would be to repeatedly stab Johnny in the throat using my IV needle. I could push my mum out the window and watch her fall four stories to her death, relishing in the sight of her body splatting into a puddle of gooey person on the floor below. I could strangle my dad to death using the wires and tubes attached to me from the oxygen filtering in through my nose, the IV stuck in my left hand, and the heart-monitor taped to my chest. I could grab hold of Mark’s neck and repeatedly ram his temple into the metal corner of the bed until the blood vessels there burst and cause a severe brain bleed that kills him, and for Kun I could stick his head out the window and slam the window shut on his neck, so it decapitates him. Yeah, I could do all that shit and then I will be happy. I can kill everyone in here if a really want to. Do I really want to? Yes. Yes, I do.

“I AM GOING TO KILL YOU ALL!” I scream, finally getting my parents off me, shoving my dad into the wall behind me and throwing my mum to the floor.

Once I am free from the arms of my parents, I lunge forward, grabbing onto the first person in my line of vision. That person happens to me Taeyong.

“FUCKING DIE!” I scream, yet Taeyong doesn’t understand what was said at I screamed in Chinese.

I latch my hands onto his throat, squeezing down hard onto his oesophagus. This simple action of violence shows Taeyong and the other people in the room what my intentions are. I smile as I watch Taeyong struggle underneath me, his face growing red from his struggles and lack of oxygen. The murderous rage in me grows with power at the sight.

“GET OFF HIM CHENLE-YAH!” Johnny screams, rushing forward to where Taeyong and I lie on the floor.

I feel Johnny grab my waist, hauling me off Taeyong. I watch Taeyong cough and splutter, tears rolling down his cheeks as he struggles to breath. A normal person would be shocked, sickened, at what they have done. I guess I am not a normal person as I am filled with fury at the fact I wasn’t able to finish.

“LET ME GO!” I scream out in rageful Chinese, striking out at Johnny.

Johnny doesn’t let go and dread fills me as Nurses and Doctors run into the room with Kun in tow. They take one look at me, struggling in Johnny’s arms, and one look at Taeyong crying and coughing on the floor with his hands to his throat, and they realise how dangerous the situation is. The three female Nurses rush to Taeyong, assessing his injuries and making sure he is okay, while the two male doctors rush over to me. The grab me from Johnny’s arms, throwing me onto the floor stomach first and holding me down. I struggle to break free.

“NO!” I scream in Chinese, thrashing around wildly.

“WE NEED A SEDATIVE NOW!” One of the doctor’s scream, causing of the female Nurses to leave Taeyong and rush over with an injection.

She hands it to one of the doctors, while the other doctor flips my left arm, so the veins are visible. I know what is about to happen.

“NO!” I scream, struggling harder, “NO MORE SLEEP! I DON’T WANT TO SLEEP!”

No one understands my cries except for my parents and Kun, but even then, they won’t help. I scream out in pain and fear as I feel the injection go into my left arm, at the crook of my elbow. As soon as I feel the liquid rush into me, I feel the effects hit me like an atomic bomb. My struggling stops and my yells dim out. All thoughts of rage and murder leave my mind and allow me to realise the brunt of what I have done. I look around slowly, seeing my parents crying in fear, standing with Kun who looks to be in pure shock. Mark is sat in his corner still, sobbing in horror at what he has just witnessed, and Johnny is over there with him, hugging him to try and calm him down. Taeyong is sat on the floor across from me, tears still running down his face, surrounded by the three Nurses who are checking out the massive, red, hand-print shaped bruised forming on his neck. Oh god. What have I done?

“Ok quickly, we need to move him to the Psych ward,” I hear the muffled words of one of the male doctors say, and with that I feel my body being hoisted up into the air.

I feel my body being placed on the bed I was in before, and thing around me start to happen. I watch with hazy vision as the Nurses help Taeyong out of the room, stating that they are bring him to be check for any lasting damage. I watch Mark and Johnny follow them out of the room, leaving my parents in the room with Kun. Kun tries to comfort my crying parents, but when one of the doctors says something to them, I watch as Kun begins to cry to. My parents come up to me, saying stuff that meets unresponsive ears, before they each kiss me and walk out the door. Dread and fear fills me as I am pushed out the door, and down the hall away from my parents and Hyungs. I am pushed down many corridors, into an elevator and then pushed into a ward that has a sign saying “Private Psych Ward” or so I believe. I am pushed down the halls until I reach a room with a big number “9” on the door. The door is opened, and I am pushed inside. The room is simple with a plain bed, white metal desk, and a door with a window that leads to the bathroom. I am wheeled next to the bed in the room, where I am then lifted and placed onto. I watch with blurred vision as the two male doctors set up my oxygen, heart-monitor, and IV near my bed. Part of me knows I should be asleep by now, but I can’t seem to get to that stage. The two doctors leave after everything is set up fully, closing the door behind them, leaving me alone.

I stayed awake until the sun rose an hour later.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, guess what happened. MY COMPUTER DELETED ALL MY WORK! All the work I have done for this story is gone. All my school work, photos, stories I have written in the past or am writing now for future uploads, all my files, gone. So I had like five chapters written up for this story that haven't been uploaded yet, and they have all been deleted. I had a really good short story that was about four chapters that I was just editing and getting ready to post maybe today or tomorrow, and it is now gone. My major assignment for Drama class, all the theory has been deleted and it is due first day back. So yeah I am having a shit time. Don't worry though, I will still update this story weekly, but updates will be up later in the day and won't be as good as they were as I am back at school next week and I have to redo my Drama assignment. I may or may not rewrite that short story I was going to upload (It was Renjun and Jeno centric but was not a story about them having a romantic relationship) but I am unsure if I have the time or will to rewrite it. Tell me if that story sounds like something you would like to read, and I may rewrite it (Heads up it was pretty angsty and very violent). 
> 
> Anyways, sorry for that rant I am just really upset. For now on, everything I do will be saved onto a USB as soon as I write it to avoid this happening again. As always though, thank you all for leaving a comment, kudos, or view on this story and I will hopefully see you all next week with another chapter.
> 
> Bye!


	17. Ward

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Warnings mentions of, Psychiatric Hospitals and swearing.*

Birds are singing outside, traffic can be heard rumbling in the distance, a siren is sounded every so often, there is the hiss of oxygen and the beeps of a heart monitor. These are the things I can hear. These are the things I have been hearing for the past hour when the effects of the sedative finally wore off. I have no idea what the time is, but I can hear movement outside my room, which must mean the patients in this ward are allowed out. I guess I could be allowed out, but with all this stuff hooked up to me, I don’t to try and get out. That and the fact I haven’t slept. I some how was able to fight the sedative and remained awake while in a bleary state. No idea how I did it, but I must have some strong dedication to avoid sleep to be able to do that. What am I saying? Of course I have a strong dedication to avoid sleep. There is no way in hell I am going to sleep again if I am going to keep having dreams like that. Dreams where I am murdered or people around me are. No way. I still haven’t fully researched the whole “Lizzie Borden” dream and I haven’t even thought about whether or not the “Brian McDermott” dream is based off a real case or not. A sick masochistic part of me wants to put me through the torture of finding out, but another part of me screams no. I guess it is best not to since I am now in a Psych ward because of those dreams, but still. I want to find out why I am having these dreams and why they are relating to real murder cases I have never heard of before.

I sigh loudly, feeling the flow of air still steadily fill my nose. I am curious as to why I am still hooked up to all this medical stuff. When I was suspected to be dying I could understand as to why, but now I feel it is kind of pointless. I am not having any breathing difficulties, so why is the oxygen tube still here? My heartrate is normal and functioning, so why am I s till hooked up to a heart monitor? I am not needing any medications that are keeping me well, so why am I still hooked up to this IV? These simple things just make me question what is really going on with me. All I know for sure is that I lost it again. First, I tried to kill Jaehyun, and now I try and kill Taeyong. Who is next? Who is I try and murder next? I just want this to stop. It is these dreams. These dreams are causing this. I know it. I wonder if anyone will believe me if I told them? They probably won’t. The only person who may believe me is Jisung, but he refuses to see me. Why is that? Is he scared I am going to try and kill him? Have I scared off my best friend? Why won’t these questions be answered?

I feel a stabbing pain in my stomach, which alerts me that I have only eaten one thing in these past twenty-four hours and drunk no water. My need for thirst isn’t too great, and I am going to put that down to the fact I am pretty sur e this IV is keeping me hydrated, but I am starving. The type of starving that when you notice it you start to physically feel sick and nauseous when the hunger becomes apparent to you. My gut gurgles with emptiness and I roll over to my side, hugging my knees close to myself to try and remove the pain. Fuck I am starving. I wonder if I can leave this room to get some food? If I remove all this stuff from me, then maybe I could walk out and try and find someone to give me food. It is worth a shot. Well, there is the chance of being recognised, but from what that sign said before I entered this particular ward, it is a “Private” ward, so maybe this ward is reserved for celebrities who want to remain out of the limelight. But then again, it did also say “Psych” which basically means a ward for people with severe mental health issues, so it may not be safe to leave my room without someone else. I don’t know what do to do. One part of me says stay for my own safety, but a bigger part is screaming for me to go get some food. I know I am probably going to regret it, but I am going with the part of me that is screaming food.

I push myself up into a sitting position, looking around at the room as I do so. It doesn’t look like a normal hospital room, but more like one of the long stay rooms people who are permanently hospitalised have to stay in. The only difference though, is the fact this room seems smaller and lacks a lot of the bigger hospital things, like the cabinets of medications and the proper hospital bed. This bed I am on just looks like a normal, metal framed bed. I brush away all thoughts of the room and focus on removing these devices from my body. I start with the easy thing, which is just pulling the oxygen tubes from my nose. I remove them with easy, as these are the types of tubes that can really just be removed with even just a slight bump, which is amusing that they are still in my nose despite everything. Once removed, I throw the down to the floor as there is no real place to put them. With the tube gone, I start to remove the heart monitor, which proves to be harder than anticipated. The heart monitor I hooked up to me via sticky suction things on my chest. I try and peel them off, but for some reason, removing them feels like I am removing a strong band-aid, and there are three to remove. Slowly, one by one, I peel them off my chest, looking down the hospital gown I am wearing to see what I am doing. I am successful in removing the first sticky pad from the left side of my chest, but once I do I wince as the heart monitor lets out a series of stuttering beeps. I know I probably should have turned the heart monitor off first, but I don’t really know how to do that, so this will just have to do. The beeps start to become one loud one as I take the second pad off the centre of my chest. There is still the faint sound of steady beeps below the flat lining beep, but it is very faint. It fades out into one long one as I remove the final sticky, heart monitor pad from the right side of my chest. With the heart monitor removed, I have one last thing to try and remove. The IV. Part of me says not to and just walk around with it, but it is attached to the heart monitor box and I don’t want to carry around a loose IV bag with nothing to hang it too. This is the riskiest part of the whole thing. I know for a fact if you make a fault when working with needles, it can have severe consequences. I best not make a fault. I peel the tape that is holding the IV in place off my left hand slowly. With the tape removed, I grit my teeth together, and slowly pinch at the needle and extract it from my hand. It stings, and I want to flinch away, but I can’t. Flinching away will just cause problems with this and maybe hurt me greatly. After a painful three or so minutes, I finally pull the tip of the needle out of my hand and throw it down onto the bed beside me.

I jump out the bed quickly, being careful to avoid the hospital equipment I removed, and I rush to stand in the middle of the room. As I stand there I notice two things. One, my back is still hurting from that stupid spinal tap, and two, I really need the bathroom. I look over to the bathroom connected to my room and debate if I want to use it or not. My body screams yes, but my mind is just uncomfortable with the fact there is a big window on the door, so people can see in. I don’t want people looking at me while I am in the bathroom. I would like to debate it more in my mind, but my body signals that if I don’t use it I will need a new pair of pants in the next thirty-seconds, so I quickly rush into the bathroom to do my business. I awkwardly do what I need to do, hyper-aware of the giant window in the door and the loud flatline beep of the heart monitor in the room. The sound of the heart monitor causes my heart to beat a little faster, and I end up rushing with finishing up in the bathroom, choosing to just rinse my hands without soap so I can get out of the room quicker. I quickly bolt from the bathroom, rushing to the closed door that is the entrance to my room. There is also a large window on this door, which just removes all privacy for this whole room, but that is to be expected from a room in a psych ward. I wonder briefly if my door is actually locked, keeping me in the room, but one push of the door handle shows that isn’t the case and I am free to leave. So that is exactly what I do.

I rush out of the door quickly, closing the door behind me to block out the haunting sound of the heart monitor. With the door closed, I am able to finally look around at what is outside of that bland room. I am stood in a hallway with around fourteen other rooms, all with their doors closed and giant windows on the doors allowing me to look into the rooms. Each room also has a door number, the room across from me having the number five and from a quick look at my door, my door has the number ten. I smirk at that, wondering if I was put in the room number ten on purpose because of who I work with in NCT. I quickly remind myself that, that thought is stupid as last night there is no way people would be thinking like that when rushing me here. They probably just threw me in the next available room, which happened to be room ten. I look around the hall some more, and notice that there is only one way to go, as by going left I am just brought to a wall and by going right, I am brought to a clearing of sorts. I shrug away all thoughts of wonder, and push forwards the thoughts of food and allow my feet to carry me right. I reach the clearing pretty quickly, and am shocked at what I see. The clearing leads into what looks like a common room of sorts, with a T.V, which is currently playing some Japanese anime with Korean subtitles, a large couch, which has three people seated on it, a bookshelf, full of what looks like damaged books, and wall, made of half plastic window and half white painted wall with a door next to it. I stand in the hallway entrance, very confused.

I notice that there are people behind the wall with the plastic window, and one of them notices me. She is a nice-looking lady, with a black bob-cut and tan skin. She kind of looks like Haechan should he be a girl, but then again not really. She gets up from her chair in front of the plastic window, walking around and out of sight. She then appears in the room, coming through the doors, and heading straight towards me. Her entrance gains the attention of the three people on the couch, and they all turn their heads to where I am, looking on in shock and curiosity. The lady soon reaches me, and I notice she is just shorter than me, and is wearing a red dress shirt and a formal black skirt. She smiles softly at me.

“Hello, are you the new boy who was brought in last night?” She asks me, but my mind chooses not to cooperate and decipher the Korean words.

I stand there, dumbly, looking at her in shock as I am unable to understand what she said. She seems to notice something is off.

“My name is Eunjung, what is yours?” The lady, who is named Eunjung asks, but I still am unable to understand.

“I um, no, um?” I try, but am having too much difficulty trying to communicate I Korean for some unknown reason.

I was fine last night with Korean, so why am I having trouble now? Maybe it is a side effect of the sedative? The three people on the couch, two boys and one girl, are looking on in great interest and amusement, the anime on the screen long forgotten.

“Do you not understand what I am saying?” Eunjung asks, confusion and sympathy on her face, but I am unsure as to what she said for that sort of face expression to occur.

“I can’t speak Korean right now,” I say in Chinese, knowing that she won’t understand but may get the hint I need a translator.

“Pardon?” She seems taken a back at my Chinese.

“Um, I need a translator,” I mutter in Chinese, looking to the ground, “Do you know where Yeseul is?”

She seems to recognise the name “Yeseul” out of my Chinese.

“Yeseul?” She asks, eyes lighting up in hopes she has heard correctly, “Do you need me to get Yeseul?”

Despite not knowing what she said, I recognise the name Yeseul among the words.

“Yeseul,” I confirm, nodding, “Do you know Yeseul?”

“Hold on,” Eunjung tells me, “I will go call Yeseul. You stay here.”

Eunjung then turns on her heel and walks away from me, walking out of the room through the doors. I am left there confused, unsure what just happened and if she is getting Yeseul or not. I stand there in such confusion, looking at the door, that I don’t realise one of the boys stand up from the couch and come towards me.

“Who are you?” He asks, but I don’t understand.

I jump slightly at his voice, and turn to face him. He has blonde hair like me, yet his is a shade darker and he is a fair bit taller than me, maybe around Johnny’s height. He looks like he might be older than me by a year or two, and he is really pale. He is standing over me with a look of fascination on his face.

“Um, sorry, I don’t understand,” I mumble out in Chinese, knowing that he won’t understand me either.

“What?” He exclaims, looking rather annoyed, “I asked who you are. Why are you speaking in that weird language?”

I just look at him dumbly, unsure of what I am to do. I knock on the plastic window shocks all four of us in the room to look over to the window. There is another woman, but she isn’t Eunjung. She has long brown hair pulled back into a tight bun and seems a lot older and looks scary, not nice.

“Hakkun-ah, leave the new boy alone,” She yells through the window, but I don’t understand what she said.

“But he won’t answer my question,” The boy, who is name Hakkun, yells back, point a finger at me causing my confusion to arise even more.

“He doesn’t speak Korean,” The lady through the window yells back, “He doesn’t know what you are saying so leave him alone.”

“If he doesn’t speak Korean, why is he here?” The girl on the couch speaks up.

I look at her and notice three things about her, she is balding in many places on her head, she is even paler than Hakkun, and what little hair she has left is a faded green. She looks rather strange and a bit crazy. She scares me a bit.

“You know I can’t tell you that Miok-ah,” The lady behind the window calls out, “It is part of the rules in this hospital and especially this ward.”

My mind is racing with confusion and unanswered questions. What am I doing here really? Where is the food? Where did that nice lady Eunjung go? Where is Yeseul? Why is this boy Hakkun talking to me? Why is that lady behind the glass yelling at him? Why can’t I speak or understand Korean? Is that other boy going to speak up any time soon? Is that girl Miok really crazy? All these thoughts swirl my head, causing a mild panic to surface in me. No one seems to notice though.

“I just want to know why he is here if he can’t speak Korean,” Miok complains to the lady, “Why is he in this ward and not another one if he doesn’t understand Korean?”

“I couldn’t tell you even if I could Miok-ah,” The lady sighs, “He was brought in early this morning, and that is all I know.”

“Oh come on Youngmi-Unnie,” The Miok girl whines to the lady, who is called Youngmi, “We just want to know why. Also what language is he speaking?”

“He is speaking Chinese and no, I will not say anymore,” The lady Youngmi grumbles from behind the window.

“I hate you,” Miok spits angrily, glaring at Youngmi and fuming with rage.

“Miok-ah, be nice,” Youngmi growls at Miok threateningly, “I will not hesitate to come over there and calm you myself.”

I stand where I am, feeling like I should leave. I don’t know where the nice lady Eunjung is, and this new lady Youngmi seems really scary. These other patients here also scare me. Hakkun seems like he could kill me with one hit and Miok looks like she is plotting to torture me. There is also that unnamed boy, who looks to be maybe a year younger than me, so around Jisung’s age, who looks really eerie. He is just sitting there, with long black hair down to his shoulders, glaring off into the distance. I don’t know what it is about him, but I do not trust him at all.

“Hey, boy,” Hakkun calls at me, clicking his fingers in my face causing me to jump, “What is wrong with you?”

I am confused. The only word I understood kind of was “Hey” and nothing else. Why won’t my brain function and remember how to communicate. It is like all those lessons I have had with private tutors to teach me Korean have gone to waste. I can’t remember anything right now and it is pissing me off. As I think about my lack of communication skills, the door opens again. In walks Eunjung and Yeseul. Wait, Yeseul? Does that me Eunjung understood what I was asking for? Thank god.

“Yeseul!” I exclaim excitedly, rushing over to her, “Yeseul what is happening? Why am I here and not in my previous hospital room?”

“I will explain that soon Chenle, but first let me explain who you are to the others first,” Yeseul smiles at me softly, but there is something else behind her smile.

Everyone else in the room still looks confused to the conversation, so Yeseul smiles at them, opening her mouth to clear things up for everyone.

“Hello everyone, I am Yeseul and this here is Chenle,” She tells everyone in the room, speaking in fluent Korean, “I am Chenle’s translator, but he can speak and understand Korean, he is just having a hard time right now processing everything, so I will help him. I can’t tell you much, but please keep it on the downlow that he is here, and I am not sure how long he will be here for. Any questions?”

Everyone looks on in interest at what was just said. Miok stills looks rather confused and angry though.

“Why do we have to keep it on the downlow that he is here?” She complains, looking really frustrated.

“You just have to,” Yeseul tells her calmly, “I can’t tell you too much.”

“It is because he is famous Miok-Noona,” The boy who hasn’t spoken till now, speaks up.

The room goes silent after he speaks. Miok looks shocked and Hakkun looks unconvinced.

“And how do you know that Tae-yah?” Hakkun spits accusingly, “He hasn’t said a word in Korean so how would you know anything?”

“I just know,” The boy, who is named Tae, responds, “Think about it. This is a private ward, only the rich or famous get here. All three of use are from family of wealth, and looking at him, he looks famous. Clear skin, dyed hair, looks like he is well pampered, plus, I recognise that name Chenle. I reckon he is an Idol or trainee or something.”

Everyone once again falls silent, leaving me in confusion as I have very little understanding of what was said. Yeseul looks rather concerned though, which makes me nervous. What was said?

“Tae was it?” Yeseul asks and the boy Tae nods, “Well, Tae-yah, could you please not say anything to anyone. It is really important no one finds out that Chenle was ever here. It could cause a lot of unwanted stress for Chenle, ok.”

“What is in it for me?” Tae speaks, his tone of voice scaring me despite the fact I can’t understand him.

“Well if word of this does get out I am sure your family will be suffering a lawsuit,” Yeseul responds, her tone dark.

“See,” Tae states, turning to the two other patients, “He is famous. I think he is an Idol and probably for a big named label.”

It is at this point I am done with standing here and decide to ask for what I wanted the minute I came out.

“Yeseul,” I turn to Yeseul, gaining her attention, “I am hungry. Do you know where I can get some food?”

Yeseul looks at me shocked for a second before responding.

“When was the last time you ate?” She asks worriedly.

“Yesterday morning,” I admit, looking to the ground as if I have done something wrong.

“My gosh,” She gasps in horror at my answer, “And no one has offered you food?”

“Well, my parents did, but I wasn’t really hungry then,” I tell her truthfully, as it is true, my parents did try to get me to eat and I wasn’t hungry.

“Well let’s go get you something to eat,” Yeseul tells me before switching to Korean, “I am going to take Chenle out to get something to eat. He hasn’t eaten in twenty-four hours.”

Eunjung confirms that it is okay for me to get something to eat, and leads us to the door to let us out. It is at that point I realise that I am wearing no form of footwear other than some socks I have been wearing for the past two days and I am wear a hospital gown as a shirt and some dirty pyjama pants. I can’t be seen like this in public.

“Um, Yeseul,” I call out stopping her in her tracks, “I am not really dressed, well. Have my parents or Hyungs brought me any other clothes?”

“It is okay Chenle,” She smiles at me, understanding my concern, “We are just going to the ward’s dining area, which is just behind this door, no one will see you. As for clothes, you parents and manager will bring some for you when they come later today to discuss everything, so don’t worry.”

I smile at Yeseul thankfully, and follow her and Eunjung out the door. The door clicks shut behind us, and I am able to see the area outside. There is a straight across, with a sign with an illustration which means the door should always be shut, a door to my left that is also next to a half plastic window, half wall, wall, and another door to my right that is further away and is next to an open window area that leads into a kitchen. To the right, near that area, is a large table with fourteen seats around the table. I guess this is the area where the patients of this ward eat.

“I will go get you something to eat Chenle-yah,” Eunjung smiles at me, “You go take a seat anywhere at the table.”

Yeseul translates for me, and I slowly make my way over to the table. I sit at the end of the table, closest to the door that will lead me back into where the three other people are and where the rooms are. I look around the room and see it is very bland. The is basically nothing, but in the kitchen, in the part I can look into, I can see Eunjung work around getting me some food, and I can also see clear into the area where Youngmi is and where Eunjung was. There is another person in there, a young male who looks no older than Taeil. He is sitting at a compute typing away at it, facing away from me. This whole ordeal is very confusing to me.

“Here you are Chenle-yah,” Eunjung tells me happily, putting a bowl in front of me, “A nice bowl of rice and pork for you. Something that will be easy on your stomach since you haven’t eaten in a while and will also fill you up.”

As I listen to Yeseul translate for me, I notice three things about my food. One, that the bowl it is in is a plastic child’s bowl, two, that the chopsticks are wooden disposable ones not the normal metal ones I am used to, and three, there is like five chunks of pork and a bunch of what looks to be old rice. Right now though, I really can’t care. I am just so hungry, and anything looks good. I bow my head in thanks to Eunjung, and pick up the chopstick, which have already been broken apart, and I start eating as fast as I can. Right now, with food in front of me to eat, I don’t care about anything else. I am just so focused on my food, nothing else seems to be a bother to me.

I don’t pay attention to the bad feeling slowly taking over my body.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I finished this chapter about five minutes ago and I am sorry. School has just gone back, I am stressed about exams and I am trying to write for this story as I really enjoy it. Sorry this chapter was really shit and uneventful, but I really didn't have much time for anything else without having some form of build up. Sorry I will try better next chapter. 
> 
> Also, side note, Astro released their new album and I am so happy. Same thing with Seungri's new album. Both albums are so good an i recommend you listen to then if you like those two artists. 
> 
> Anyways, thank you all as always for the support on this story but leaving a comment, kudos, or view, it always makes me happy to see that people like my story. I'll see you all next week with a chapter, and I hope the rest of your week is great.
> 
> Bye!


	18. Beeping

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *No warnings apply for this chapter.*

“I don’t want to go back to the common room,” I whisper out to Eunjung, finally being able to speak and translate the Korean words for myself, albeit with a thick Chinese accent.

“Why not Chenle-yah?” Eunjung asks me, her voice soft and calming.

I finished eating over five minutes ago, and since then I have been sitting at the table, refusing to go back to where the three other patients are. As I ate my food, my brain started to cooperate, and I was able to understand and communicate in Korean again, but the problem is that I now understand what was said. I understand that Hakkun seems to be very odd and not very understanding of social ques if his words and actions are anything to go by, and I understand that Miok looks to be rather curious and a bit freaky by judgement of her words and behaviour to the lack of answers. The main reason I don’t want to go back there is the fact Tae knows I am famous. He might not know who I am, but he seems very inquisitive and understands that I am famous and that is all that matters. If he finds out who I am, and word gets out about my whereabouts, it could be over for me. He already knows my name is Chenle and that is enough for a google search to find out who I am. It is times like these I hate being an idol.

“I just don’t,” I whisper back, my arms crossed and my eyes to the ground.

“Well would you like to go to your room instead?” Eunjung offers, seeming a bit unsure of how to help me.

I think about it. I could go back to my room and avoid Tae, but then there is the beeping. That ominous beeping of a flatlining heart monitor. I know that it is just like that because it has been disconnected from my body without being shut off, but the sound is just constant reminder of the impending doom that will come. One day everyone I love and myself will die. One day all our hearts will be flatlining like that heart monitor in my room. I can’t tell if it will be today, I can’t tell if it will be tomorrow. All I know, is that one day I will wake up to someone I love dead or I may not wake up at all. That beeping will forever haunt me. It doesn’t matter it isn’t because someone died, it matters because I know that one day I will hear that beeping again when someone I love dies.

“I don’t like the beeping,” I mutter, wrapping my arms around myself tighter and looking up slightly to face Eunjung and Yeseul.

Eunjung and Yeseul both look thoroughly confused and rather concerned.

“What beeping Chenle-yah?” Yeseul asks, seeming completely and utterly confused.

I realise that they must not know I was originally hooked up to hospital machinery, so they most likely believe I am just crazy and hearing things.

“I was hooked up to a heart monitor,” I explain, switching to Chinese as I am not entirely sure how to say “Heart Monitor” in Korean.

“That makes sense,” Yeseul sighs in relief before translating what I said to Eunjung.

“Were you hooked up to anything else Chenle-yah?” Eunjung asks, still concerned but a lot calmer since the explanation of the beeping.

“I was hooked up to an IV and oxygen,” I respond, still speaking in Chinese as I don’t know how to say those words in Korean.

Yeseul once again translates for me, which causes a disapproving look to form on Eunjung’s face. 

“Chenle-yah if you are hooked up to that sort of stuff you need to remain hooked up to it until a doctor says it is okay for it to be removed,” Eunjung tells me sternly, causing me to shrink back in guilt.

“But I was really hungry,” I argue, looking down at the floor again.

“It is okay Eunjung-Unnie,” Yeseul defends me, “He was just hungry, and I am pretty sure that all that equipment was just left over from when he first arrived at the hospital yesterday.”

“How long has he been here Yeseul-ah?” Eunjung asks looking shocked at the fact I was here before this morning.

“He has been here since yesterday afternoon,” Yeseul clarifies, “He was brought in for testing after collapsing after a breakdown at home, but the tests all showed up negative. He was meant to be released this morning, just kept under observations for the night, but then early this morning something happened, and he went through another violent breakdown and was brought here.”

I shift in my chair uncomfortably, annoyed about the fact all my information is just being shared around like it isn’t my business.

“What sort of breakdown?” Eunjung asks warily, “We haven’t been told anything since he was brought here, only that we should not tell anyone that he is here. We weren’t even told his name. The doctors thought he would remain unconscious for at least a few hours and then they would come check on him and tell us what happened. He is awake a lot earlier than we expected.”

“Well the breakdown was quite rough,” Yeseul tells Eunjung like I am not even in the room, “The first one happened at home where Chenle got overly annoyed at one of his Hyungs and tried to drown him in the sink. His Hyung broke free from his hold, and tried to take Chenle to his room as punishment, but once there Chenle started to react violently and convulse almost. The door to the room was locked with Chenle on the inside and his Hyung on the outside.”

I feel a pain erupt deep in my chest at the thought of what I did to Jaehyun. Why did I do that to him? I hate myself for that. I could have killed him. I could have killed the most caring and loving Hyung I have ever had.

 “He was reacting very similar to the way a patient with rabies would react,” Yeseul continues, her and Eunjung seemingly forgetting my existence, “So when the paramedics arrived and took a look at him, they started to sedate him and treat him as if he was positive for rabies. He was brought to the hospital where tests were done and proved that was not the case, and he did not have rabies. The conclusion brought up by the doctors was the possibility of having too much stress put on him, which caused such a violent outburst. The next step was just to keep him over night, have him speak with Dr Wang Ming, the Chinese psychiatrist we have here at the hospital, and then send him home before lunch today.”

“I am just going to stop you there,” Eunjung speaks up, seeming a bit angry by the explanation she is being given, “Chenle tried to kill someone and you blame it on stress? What is he doing that causes him to stress to the point of murder?”

“I am an idol,” I speak up, cutting off Yeseul, finally getting fed up with being talked about and not talked to.

“An idol?” Eunjung repeats in shock, “They sure have young idols these days.”

“Well Jisung is younger than me and he is an idol as well,” I tell Eunjung, rather irritated at this point about all the talk about my life and situation currently, “There are also trainees, who will be idols soon, who are younger than me. There are also other idols and trainees who are my age, so being at idol at my age isn’t as big of a deal as it is made out to be. Now, can you please stop talking about me while I am right here and just help me out with my current situation?”

Eunjung and Yeseul both seem taken aback by my defensive response. I don’t care, I am sick of people talking about me right now. I just want the beeping to stop and for me to be able to go somewhere that isn’t here in the dining area. Personally, I would like to go home, but I don’t think that will be happening anytime soon.

“Okay then Chenle-yah,” Eunjung says after a brief moment, “What would you like us to do?”

If I am being honest, I am amazed at how calm Eunjung and Yeseul both are after having me talk so rudely and disrespectfully to them. I guess they normally have to deal with that kind of talk working here though.

“I would like the beeping in my room to stop, please,” I tell them, looking down feeling guilty for being so disrespectful before.

“Okay Chenle-yah,” Eunjung smiles at me, “I will do that now, so how about Yeseul and yourself go wait in the common room until I come and get you?”

I don’t want to go there. That is where Tae is and he scares me. I go to voice my displeasure at the idea, but am cut off by the big doors at the front of the room, to the left of the room, opening. In walks an older man, with greying hair, light stubble, a brown suit and maths equations themed tie. He looks over at us and smiles.

“I was just coming to check up on you Chenle,” He laughs lightly, speaking in Chinese which is even better than Yeseul’s. 

“Um, who are you?” I ask curiously, responding in Chinese, unsure if that was a right move or not.

“I am Dr Wang Ming,” He smiles at me nicely, still talking in Chinese.

Fear fills me in shock as I realise what the next words out his mouth will be.

“I am your new Psychiatrist.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short chapter, I know. Sorry, I have just had a lot on my plate. This was actually written during a study period today as tonight I am out tonight and I am actually posting from my phone in the bathroom at this restaurant. I got the genius idea to email myself this week's chapter after I finished it so I could upload it from my phone as tonight i won't be coming home so i won't have access to my computer. 
> 
> Anyways, I have to go now so my friends don't worry, so quickly thank you all for your comments, kudos, and views, I love to see all the lovely responses to my work. Next week I will try and upload a better chapter, but we all know I said that last week and this week was even worse. Sorry. I have to go now, but I will upload again next week I promise. 
> 
> Bye!


	19. Happy?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Warnings, mentions of, Swearing.*

“So Chenle, can you tell me a bit about yourself? A bit about what lead you here?” Dr Wang Ming asks me, speaking in Chinese as an attempted to make me feel more comfortable.

“I don’t want to,” I respond in Korean, deciding to be difficult and not cooperate.

As soon as Dr Wang Ming walked through the door, I knew shit was going to go down. I never liked seeing psychiatrist with the group, and to see one alone because I guess I am now clinically insane is terrifying. I don’t want to hear what this man has to say to me. I don’t want to have to listen to the prescriptions I will now have to take. I don’t want any of this. I want to go home, but of course I was dragged out of that shitting ward, wearing nothing but some socks, pyjama pants, and that fucking gross hospital gown I have been wearing since I had the spinal tap. God I just want to change, shower maybe, I feel gross. Why, why do I have to stay here, having someone tell me what to do and how to feel while I sit here in my own filth.

“Okay Chenle,” Dr Wang Ming speaks up, still talking in Chinese, “How about we start a little easier? Can you tell me who is in your family?”

“No,” I hiss out in Korean.

I know that this behaviour will just result in more complications and a longer stay here, but I really can’t seem to care. I am not insane, I just want to go home. Well, I did try to drown Jaehyun and strangle Taeyong, but I am not insane. I might be a little homicidal, sub-consciously, but not insane.

“Do you have a mother?” Dr Wang Ming asks, choosing to ignore my statement.

I ignore him, folding my arms and looking at my lap.

“Do you have a father?” He asks but I ignore him again.

I focus on anything but Dr Wang Ming.

“What about siblings? I know in China we aren’t meant to have siblings now, but some people still do now days,” Dr Wang Ming tries, but I still ignore his attempts.

My thoughts drift to how surprisingly squishy and comfortable the couch I am sat on is.

“What about your members?” Dr Wang Ming asks, causing my attention to perk up slightly.

My thoughts slowly drift back towards the words of Dr Wang Ming.

“Are you close to them?” Dr Wang Ming asks, and while I don’t answer, I feel my face react.

I don’t try and stop myself when I feel my lips curl into a small smile at the thoughts of my members.

“I see,” Dr Wang Ming jokes, “So they are annoying. Well, I guess I will need to prescribe you a healthy dose of Leave-Me-Alone and some time in the No-More-Nagging ward.”

I laugh at that. The funny thing is that they are actually rather annoying. Also, Dr Wang Ming’s humour is right up my ally. Dr Wang Ming smiles at me as I laugh. Maybe, just maybe, he won’t be too bad.

“They aren’t to bad,” I whisper out shyly in Chinese, still unsure if I am fully willing to cooperate.

“Ahh, so he does talk,” Dr Wang Ming laughs, still speaking Chinese as he has done since we entered the room.

I smile at him softly before I continue speaking.

“And I live with my mum, dad, and my Aunties often drop by so much it is like I live with them, but this is only when I am in China,” I continue, deciding maybe it won’t be too bad to speak to Dr Wang Ming, “And I also have an older brother, but he moved out long ago.”

“An older brother?” Dr Wang Ming says in fake shock, but I let the fake tone slip by, “That is rather unusual in China. What is the age difference?”

“Thirteen years,” I tell Dr Wang Ming, speaking a little louder, deciding to cooperate for the mean time.

“Thirteen years!” This time his shock sounds real, “So he is around thirty now!”

“Yeah,” I smile, thinking back on my brother, “Despite the age difference we have always been close.”

“That is incredible,” Dr Wang Ming smiles at me, “Tell me a bit about him.”

“Well his name is Zhong Manchu, and he is amazing,” I tell Dr Wang Ming with a wide smile, “When I was first born he apparently hated me. I was too loud and annoying, and he was trying to his school work and relax. He was in Junior Middle School at the time I was born, so he was just getting hit with all the school work. It wasn’t until I was two that he started to like me, or so my parents tell me. As time went on, he was getting closer to finishing school and I was getting closer to starting school, but that didn’t cause any issues between us. He would constantly play with me, care for me, keep me entertained. He was actually the first to realise I had musical talent. I must have been about four or five when I started to sing. It was just a simple nursery rhyme from childhood, but he heard the talent in my voice and told my parents. If it wasn’t for him I would have never gotten the coaching in my vocals that I got, I would have never been able to get recognised for my talents at a young age, hell if it wasn’t for him I would have never become an idol and moved to Korea in the first place.”

Dr Wang Ming is silent for my recount of the relationship between my brother and I. He has a warm smile on his face the whole time.

“You are so lucky to have your brother,” Dr Wang Ming tells me softly, almost looking a little sad.

“Yeah, I love Manchu so much,” I smile, ignoring how my chest grows tight at the thought of my brother, “He is always there for me and I am always there for him.”

The two of us sit in silence for a moment before Dr Wang Ming speaks up with another question.

“What about you members?” He asks, leaning forward in his chair to rest his elbows on his knees, “What are they like?”

I remain quiet for a moment, thinking about how I could respond.

“Well,” I begin, slowly taking my time to word my sentences properly, “There are eighteen of us all up. There is Taeil, who is twenty-three, turning twenty-four this year, Johnny who is twenty-three, Yuta and Taeyong who are both twenty-two, but are turning twenty-three this year, Kun, Doyoung, and Ten, who are all twenty-two, Jaehyun who is twenty-one and Sicheng who is twenty turning twenty-one, Jungwoo who is twenty, Lucas, who is nineteen, Renjun, Jeno, who are all eighteen, with Haechan and Jaemin being seventeen turning eighteen this year, and Jisung who is sixteen. I am also sixteen currently, but I am turning seventeen this year.”

I take a breath before I continue to basically categorise my members.

“We aren’t all Korean, despite being a Korean boy band,” I continue, “Taeil, Taeyong, Doyoung, Jungwoo, Jeno, Haechan, Jaemin, and Jisung are all Korean born and raised. Jaehyun, while Korean born, was raised for a bit in America when he was a kid, but came back to Korea when he was young. Mark and Johnny are both Korean, but were born overseas, so Mark is Korean-Canadian, and Johnny is Korean-American. Kun, Sicheng, Lucas, Renjun, and I are all Chinese, but Lucas is half Chinese half Thai and Renjun is Korean by heritage but was born and raised in China. Yuta is the only Japanese member, and Ten is the only Thai born member, but is apparent part Chinese.”

Dr Wang Ming sits there quietly, listening to me talk about NCT.

“When I first came to Korean I knew very little Korean,” I tell Dr Wang Ming, “Because of that fact, I grew very close to my fellow Chinese members, who at the time were only Renjun and Sicheng. Kun was a rookie, planning to debut with NCT, but we weren’t close at the start. Lucas at the time of debut was still in training, so I never really spoke to him. Despite the fact I only really spoke to Renjun and Sicheng at the start of debut, Jisung still came up to me and talked to me. He kept trying to build a friendship with me, and even tried to learn Chinese so we could communicate. He was really bad at it, so instead tried to help me with my Korean. We grew inseparable after that. Once my Korean got better, I started to open up more to my members. I started to grow closer to them, I communicated with them despite the fact my Korean was very poor, and overall I just grew into the happy person they now know.”

As I spoke, I didn’t realise what Dr Wang Ming was trying to get out of me, but his next question made me realise.

“Do you still consider yourself happy Chenle?” Dr Wang Ming asks, causing a complete silence over the room.

I sit there, thinking about it hard. Am I still happy? I mean, sure I am, right? Well, some days it is harder to get out of bed, but that is just because of busy schedules, right? I am just tired. Sure I have been a lot more on edge and upset since those dreams started a few days ago now, but that is expected. I am still happy. I still laugh and smile. Well, not as much as a use to, but that is fine. Right?

“Chenle?” Dr Wang Ming asks, noticing my silence.

“I-,” I pause, thinking hard.

Am I happy?

“I don’t think I am.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, short chapter, I have no time, I am stressed and dying, and for some reason I thought it would be a good idea to start to write a story that I will begin to post after this one is completed. This new story is another Kpop one and involves a bunch of groups like NCT, Stray Kids, ASTRO, and some others but I am not entirely sure who is going to stay and who will leave. It is an AU where it involves the younger members in Juvenile Detention Centers, but I am still unsure of it.
> 
> Anyways, back to this story. Sorry the chapter is short and shit and terrible and could just be so much better, but I have been stressed and procrastinating and I actually have no real excuse. This chapter however, is very important as it will tie into what will happen soon in the story, and by soon, I mean in the next three chapters or so, if things go to plan. 
> 
> Okay, I really have to go now, but as always, thank you for leaving a comment, kudos, or view, it means a lot to me. I will be back with another chapter next week. 
> 
> Bye


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